2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2024-01-12 20:57
The only thing that distinguishes an adult from a child is the ability to take responsibility. As long as you deep down believe that there is a big, kind, omnipotent being - mom, dad, husband, wife, universe or God, who will settle everything for you - psychologically you are a child, no matter how old you are.
The child's position is very attractive, and as long as there is an opportunity to be in it, no one will voluntarily take responsibility. As long as there is someone in your picture of the world who is responsible for your life, you are just a child who has the right to stomp his foot, take offense at large and strong people if they do not give you what you want.
We all keep our childhood grudges against our parents, sometimes justifying them from our adult position, sometimes not. But these are the child's resentment against adults, then we were children, and we had every right to be offended))
But often we keep the same position as adults.
there are adults who manage to arrange a child's life
A lot of women dream of financial dependence on men in exchange for their “good behavior”. (We are talking about the behavior that this particular man needs. A lot of men just drag themselves away from bitches, and someone needs an ideal hostess, an obedient wife and a wonderful mother, or, for example, an intellectual and a friend-colleague. A matter of taste, as they say.)
In Russia, probably like in any other country in the world, “male childhood” is widespread, when a woman has several children in her arms, and one of them is a husband. This relationship pattern is so deeply rooted in our mentality that it is considered completely natural.
responsibility is difficult to bear. it is even more difficult to share it with someone
Building an affiliate “we” is never easy. Codependent or dependent relationships are much easier and more familiar. "Without you, there is no me, la-la-la, la-la-la …" About co-dependent relationships as an example of "ideal love" is sung in every song))
“WE”, where I am responsible for this “piece”, and you for this one, and together we are for this “more”, but at the same time I myself (a), bear responsibility for my life, happiness, healthy, development - very not an easy task for many people.
Someone can never be responsible for themselves. And this is also true, and it is important to understand it. There are people who, when conditions get tougher, will simply close their eyes and die. Neither in this generation, and perhaps not in the next, will they reach that stage of maturity, when it is already possible to take responsibility for themselves. And society will have to pull them on itself. On the other hand, such people are a great opportunity for “rescuers” of all stripes, to fulfill their duty, to become a “second mother” for helpless people and blaspheme to themselves the responsibility for someone else's life.
The desire to be responsible for the whole world without taking responsibility for one's own life is a very characteristic sign of the “lifeguard syndrome”.
To pull on yourself everything and for everyone or to be a helpless child behind the back of a kind wizard are two poles of the same phenomenon - the inability to bear a healthy, adult responsibility. And be able to share this responsibility with other people.
the ability to take responsibility is directly proportional to the ability to see, understand and accept what is happening around
Photo by: Valery Yablokov
often we live with blinkers in our eyes, and the range of accepted reality is very small
Like a horse with blinders on our eyes, we cut off the “unnecessary,” dangerous reality. Protecting yourself from what you cannot accept.
Whether it's financial condition, husband's infidelity, problems with a child or lack of a future. We seem to be blind in this place.
This is how psychological defenses work. They help us to survive, not to commit suicide and not go crazy. We kind of conserve ourselves in our idea of reality and protect ourselves from what we don't want to know. This approach helps you survive in difficult times. But we remain frozen in our psychological age, in our problems and our illusions. It is safe. But nothing happens. Nothing changes. “Leaving it as it is” is also a choice.
change comes with a willingness to move on
Take risks, be able to face unpleasant discoveries and part with illusions. This is a painful and risky path, but it is he who leads to growing up.
And then, with the expansion of acceptance of various aspects of your life, it becomes possible to take responsibility for your life.
And change! Change as you want and as you need.
While “I'm in the house” and what is happening to me has nothing to do with me, as long as he (she) is to blame for everything, and this “they” must do something to change my life for the better, while all responsibility and power is with others, a person is completely helpless.
while my life is in the power of another person and all responsibility for my life is on him, I am helpless to change anything
The ability to influence your life consciously, to build, build and create what you need, arises with the permission to look at the unpleasant aspects of your life, accept your life with all its sides and take responsibility for what happens.
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