Attention And Closeness

2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43

Attention is the concentration of consciousness and its focus on something that matters to a person.

It is not always common for us to notice what exactly we are paying attention to, and sometimes it seems to us that we had a full time with someone then, as perhaps we were on the phone for half of that time.

In this article, I would like to touch more on the topic of attention that a parent gives to their children, because it is incredibly important, and often a significant problem.

Let's imagine a family: a husband, a wife, and their child. They somehow live in the same apartment: dad spends time on the phone or watches TV after work, or meets with friends, sips beer, or (well, suddenly) goes to workouts. Mom does ironing, washing, cooking, sits on the phone, or, for example, does embroidery. The child somehow grows up for himself, does his own thing, sometimes bothers with lessons, but in general, he is already a completely independent schoolchild, so he does not need much attention from his parents (as parents might think).

A moment comes when the husband and wife decide to separate, they leave, and the child lives most of the time with his mother, and sees his father at the weekend. Dad seems to be preparing for a meeting with the child, now he organizes their pastime, and they have time only for the two of them. It's not just a child walking somewhere nearby, flickering in front of a TV set, but this person is here, nearby, their attention is directed to each other, and the father needs to use this time with benefit. At this moment, the father suddenly realizes that he did not really know his child, he was not even familiar with him as a person, since he did not pay much attention to this, did not direct his attention exclusively to him, the child and the child from him take.

Attention, its awareness, focus, stability gives us the opportunity to learn something, and the better the attention, the better the cognition. When we give maximum of our attention, even for a short period of time, to human relationships, we develop incredibly mentally and make a huge contribution to the development of children. It may seem that grown-up children almost do not need the attention of their parents, but this is not so, because they are still children, and at least 20-30 minutes a day that you will devote exclusively to him, leaving your phone in another room and asking how he went day, what plans, dreams, desires he has, or just sitting silently next to him only giving you the opportunity to just be together and be completely in your attention, are incredibly important for a child. True, with adolescents it can be difficult in that this needs to be done in those moments when he allows it to get closer to you.

Unfortunately, not all people can withstand intimacy with a partner, children, parents, friends, and during contact with these people they are ready to talk about anything, or do anything together (switching attention to something), just not allow it to appear subtleties, and, for some, vulnerabilities. The reasons for this can be very different, mostly, of course, failures in parent-child relationships. The passage of psychotherapy allows a person to, to some extent, go through the childhood stages of the relationship with his mother, and then be able to live a better life and not have problems with intimacy.