2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
Emotional closeness is the part of a relationship that makes sense to take care of, cherish and cherish
It is she who is the key to living long-term relationships and openness in a couple
Thanks to her, we trust our partner and are able to correlate external reality with our subjective experiences. In other words, the internal and external perception of what is happening is as close to each other as possible. If there is emotional closeness in a relationship, then conflicts, betrayal and crises will not become a bolt from the blue, but will be perceived as something that can help improve relations for both partners.
Emotional closeness occurs when there are at least two components:
- partners are ready to be sincere and honest with each other,
- partners are able to independently take care of their emotional state and comfort.
Moreover, one of the partners can "start intimacy", and it will take some time before the second one "pulls up" after him and begins to open up. However, for an emotionally intimate relationship, both are ultimately necessary.
What is the first component?
Honesty involves the courage to state what you want in a relationship and what is impossible for you.
- You talk openly about your feelings, both positive and negative.
- You really care about your boundaries, not only by voicing them, but by consistently defending them.
- You are able to experience your vulnerability by opening up to your partner.
- You are able to appear before him in the most unsightly light, exposing those parts of yourself that are usually safely hidden from the eyes of other people.
In other words, you can say to the person closest to you: "no, unfortunately, I cannot do this for you", "not now", "later", "give me time to make a decision", "let's review our relationship".
You can honestly say about what you feel: "I am offended", "I am angry", "I am afraid to lose you", "I love you to the point of madness", "I am very happy with you." To communicate your feelings and desires to another, you must first learn to understand them for yourself, distinguish them, name them and allow them to be. This is due to the not always pleasant process of knowing yourself.
Second component - the ability to take care of your own emotional comfort, suggests that you do not expect your partner to calm you down, relieve your stress, reduce the number of your fears.
- You do not require him to take care of all the difficulties that you face in your life, to take responsibility for your emotional state and what is happening to you.
- You do not expect intimacy from him as soon as you wanted it, and you reckon with the fact that he also cannot, does not want, is tired, and so on.
- You treat your partner and their manifestations with respect.
- You learn to take care of yourself, respect and support yourself, value yourself as a whole, and not individual achievements, learn to be independent of the reactions, judgments, desires, demands of others, even the closest people. It's damn hard, and often you just don't want to even think about such an effort.
At first glance, it may seem that the first component contradicts the second. But this is not the case. The first is more about my ability to state what I want, and the second is about my ability to accept rejection and be able to take care of the satisfaction of what I want on my own.
Is intimacy a challenge?
It seems to me that yes, since it makes us vulnerable and vulnerable, associated with painful memories from the past and the fear of rejection. But if both are ready to take a risk and take a step towards her, then, most likely, there will be a meeting of two people who are able to be in what is happening, to be aware of their feelings and not to run away from a relationship, whether tormented by unexpressed bitterness by feelings, doubts or fears.
A meeting of those who may face reality, with its surprises, difficulties and trials; those who can love themselves and others in all their manifestations; those who are ready to take responsibility for themselves and their contribution to relationships; those are ready to live for real, not formally - to rejoice, have fun, be sad, despair, get up from their knees, walk hand in hand with another, support him, experience magical and mysterious moments together …
Try one simple exercise, which will greatly change your life together, provided you do it regularly.
It is done weekly. For example, Sunday. Take an alarm, set it for half an hour, decide who speaks first, who speaks second. The first of you, in his half an hour, talks about everything that worries him at the moment, both related to relationships and not related to them. The second person listens to him very attentively and in no case interrupts. It is also prohibited to comment or ask questions. After the alarm goes off, the speaker is immediately silent. The alarm clock starts again and the second person begins to talk about their experiences for half an hour. After the end, what has been said is not discussed. Heard will remain between you. Do this exercise for several months.
If you are in tune with what I am writing about, and you are interested in the topic of intimacy in a relationship, then you can read my articles, attend seminars or seek individual advice. I will be happy to help you.
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