2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
"Comprehension and deeper feeling of your inner life is possible only in communication with loved ones"
I. S. Kon
As a family psychologist, in consulting practice I often hear the following phrases from my clients: “We have moved away from each other”, “We are different people”, “We live like neighbors”, “Our relationship has become simply functional”, “I feel lonely. Requests are different (a family on the verge of divorce, infidelity, problems with children, psychosomatic diseases, or just a feeling of psychological discomfort), but the complaints are very similar, and they all indicate one thing - about lack of emotional closeness paired with.
The phenomenon of emotional closeness is manifested in the mutual ability and willingness to show oneself to the Other, to open up as “who I am”, to talk about my feelings and thoughts, to share worries and doubts, that is, it creates conditions for the opportunity to be oneself next to the Other.
So why do we all need it so much, and why do we feel miserable in its absence? What are emotional closeness functions?
Firstly, it contributes to the satisfaction of the need for belonging. In A. Maslow's hierarchical pyramid of needs, this need is at the third level, and some researchers attribute it to the basic ones. This is the need for contact, for belonging to the Other or Others, in other words, this is the desire of a person not to feel a sense of loneliness. In the experience of his loneliness, a person feels emotionally isolated, alienated and depressed, often does not see the meaning of his existence. The feeling of unresolved stable loneliness in the future can provoke the onset of psychosomatic diseases. Experiencing loneliness is almost the main cause of suicide
Secondly, it helps to develop the self-awareness of partners. We receive feedback from a partner, thus, we have the opportunity to look at ourselves with different eyes, which contributes to reflection. With the help of the mechanism of reflection, a person gets the opportunity to realize deeper and more versatile "himself", which contributes to the development of the personality and its psychological maturation.
Thirdly, creates an opportunity for a full and deep understanding of their life experience. Having talked a difficult situation with the Other and received a reaction from him to it, one can structure it, clarify and understand it much better.
Fourthly, ensures the successful implementation of family functions. In families in which there is emotional closeness, it is easier to agree on the distribution of household issues, a unity of views on raising children is achieved, the emotional and sexual needs of the spouses are satisfied, the strength of partners is quickly restored, a variety of leisure activities are organized, each family member feels safe. Separately, I would like to dwell on hedonistic and felicitological functions. Hedonistic is associated with the need for comfort and is realized in the enjoyment of each family member from being together. With the help of the felicitological function, dreams and hopes for finding family happiness are realized. And here the dominant role of emotional closeness in the implementation of these functions is undeniable.
Thus, in the presence of emotional closeness in a couple, partners do not feel lonely, they have the opportunity to develop and grow up psychologically, they can deeply and fully understand the meaning of their life and create favorable conditions for the functioning and development of the family system.
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