2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
One of the previous articles covered the story of Petit, a 32-year-old man who sits at his computer all day at home. What prevents Petya from finding her soul mate?
- Petya practically does not communicate with living people and lives in his own virtual world. After a while, he was faced with the problem of potency, although according to medical indicators, everything is fine with him. This is a purely psychological problem, because Petya is afraid of real relationships. It turns out a vicious circle - while there is no potency, he decides that he will deal with this problem and only then build relationships, but since there is no potency, there will be no relationship. Moreover, his soul is very anxious and restless, overwhelmed by strong feelings ("What if the potency will never be restored?"). In fact, it will recover when your psychological state returns to normal. Sometimes there may be other health problems, such as obesity, which is so embarrassing for our society. Each of us has shame for being overweight, and this is another stopper that prevents us from building relationships.
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Fears and complexes that interfere with communicating with other people. As a rule, people who work at home at a computer are accustomed to sitting at it since childhood. Games first, then work - and so all my life. How to communicate with real people? How to get acquainted? At school, everything happened by itself - friends, classmates, classmates brought someone else to the company, etc. At the institute - a large group, made friends with someone, found friends from parallel groups. I went on a picnic to rest - I met someone, etc.
The older we get, the less social ties we have, respectively, the less chances of finding a soul mate. But at any age you want to get a life partner, a partner. So, fewer social contacts in the end can lead to the fact that a mother or a neighbor will lead a girl by the hand with the words “Marry! Or you will have to remain alone for the rest of your life and use the services of prostitutes. Think for yourself - get out of this loop or live so sad.
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Lack of faith that you are worthy of a wonderful partner. Petya does not have such faith in himself, he considers himself an uninteresting interlocutor and is sure that he himself is not interested in anyone else (and this is a psychological defense against the first point, the fact that he is afraid of being uninteresting to others). Accordingly, in order not to face this feeling (I am not like that, they will not fall in love with me, I am not worthy), Petya sits down at the computer and “kills” all his time with it.
- Many do not have the strength to take a new action. To learn how to communicate with people, you need to learn, act step by step, over and over again fill up the bumps, fail somewhere, etc., but in the end, initially there must be an impulse, desire, strength. Those who work remotely generally spend all their free time with computers and work. Workaholism is a great defense mechanism (to avoid doing what you really want to do, most of the time in a relationship). We hide behind useless spending time at the computer, playing games, and the relationship is postponed again. Every year it gets harder and harder to get to what you want, to the end of the list. In our soul, relationships are the main goal, but in life everything is pushed further and further.
- Almost all people who have such difficulty finding a relationship have very deep attachment traumas that need to be worked through in psychotherapy, where you will have a safe attachment object.
Analyze your life, figure out which points you have lame, work with them. For everyone who wants a relationship, but is very afraid, the listed points are characteristic. Often they are so afraid that they cannot admit it to themselves. If you work independently, it may take more than a dozen years to work, with a psychotherapist everything will be much faster.
Live with a problem or move forward - make your choice!
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