A Relief From The Burden

2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43

“Both boring and sad! - and there is no one to lend a hand In a moment of spiritual hardship."

I have a fantasy that Mikhail Lermontov is undergoing psychotherapy and talks with his psychologist about feeling lonely and isolated during periods of despondency. The poet, as if convinced that no one can in any way divide, open his heartache. But this is a belief, and an unhealthy one, limiting. It is like a burden affirming depression. In my fantasy, this burden is resolved in the course of psychotherapy. The poet realizes and accepts that it is necessary and possible to receive help and support when it is bad. I want to talk about permissions in psychotherapy.

Good psychotherapy is a path in which a lot of resolving occurs. They can be viewed as ideas that help patients feel admitted to greater freedom and happiness. I have compiled a list of such ideas. I witnessed in my real practice how each of them, sometimes through illumination, insight, came to the consciousness of my patients and was accepted by them.

The list is divided into categories rather tentatively, rather for easier reading. And it is not a description of the general rules of life. These are permissions experienced in psychotherapy by very different people. Let the reader ponder or fantasize about the limiting belief the person was carrying before the resolution took place.

Relationship Permissions

Fine…

… allowing myself to be addicted if it is in my best interest to do so.

… get what I need and act on the basis of my desires.

… Expect my relationships with people to develop and change.

… not to wait for me to be elected, but to nominate myself on my own.

… To know that I am always more important than my relationship with anyone else.

… to remain independent, if that's more convenient for me.

… to have so many friends so that you will never be alone for long.

… To choose on my way people who can give me what I need.

Permissions "Opportunities"

Fine…

… to accept myself as I am.

… saying no to people who tell me to do something.

… Say “Yes” or “No” to people who ask me.

… have high hopes, realizing that all hopes are fantasies.

… have fewer fears, realizing that almost all fears are fantasies.

… To judge my future based on my determination and skills, not on the basis of my past.

Psychotherapy Permits

Fine…

… Need help, seek help and receive help.

… to decide for myself what exactly I want to change.

… Use psychotherapy to achieve your own goals.

… look for a good psychotherapist for yourself.

… Challenge your therapist.

Pending Permissions

Fine…

… set aside your expectations of other people and tell them directly what I want.

… give up trying to meet other people's expectations.

… expect people to keep their word.

… To know what I really want, regardless of whether other people approve of it.

… acquire new habits.

… getting help when I don't know what I want.

Loneliness permissions

Fine…

… Need and receive attention every day.

… Prioritize the need for attention high on the list of needs, but not higher than basic physical needs.

… getting a lot of attention, even if I'm not in my best condition.

… take reasonable risks to get closer to people.

… to regulate the degree of intimacy in your relationship yourself.

Personal Change Permissions

Fine…

… To know that my opinions and beliefs will change.

… when my opinions or beliefs change.

… Take responsibility for changes in yourself and decide on the direction of those changes.

Personal freedom permissions

Fine…

… To know that I am not someone else's property.

… get rid of the "poisons of freedom" (money, success, achievements, addictions …).

… Admit that as an adult I make all my decisions (even if I don't think so).

… take full responsibility for all our decisions, for their implementation and for changing them.

Permissions "Who are you?"

Fine…

… To know that my friends and acquaintances can best see what I am like in society.

… to understand that my feelings are the best guide for determining who I really am.

… to be sure that I know myself as real.

Fear permissions

Fine…

… To have a mindset that I will take care of myself if I find myself in a life crisis.

… To know that the fear associated with a real critical situation will pass in a few weeks.

… To know that any painful fear that lasts longer than a few weeks indicates the need for professional help.

… to be proud of how well my childhood methods of dealing with fear and anxiety worked then.

… Admit that those childish ways are of little use in the adult world.

Security Permissions

Fine…

… get away from people who abuse or threaten me.

… to "throw away" the fear of what is not happening right now.

… To know that I can think about bad things happening in the moment, things later, instead of thinking about them right now.

Probably Mikhail Lermontov had a depressed personality. I don't know if an artist has to be hungry or depressed to be worthwhile. These are all ideas, attitudes, beliefs. But for some reason I believe that if there had been psychotherapy 200 years ago in Russia, the number of great poems would have been much greater.