2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
Immediately, offhand, I don’t remember clients who didn’t talk about self-love as something basic, resourceful, and at the same time inaccessible and inexplicable.
Almost 98% are preoccupied with “loving yourself”, but if you ask specific questions, no one has managed to comprehend and achieve this most elusive, but so important and necessary “love” for many years of self-development and improvement.
Why do you think? I ask. " And in response I get anything, from “I have a very low self-esteem” or “No one taught me to love myself,” to “I’m not working on myself enough” or “I just love myself a little, I need to allow myself more (to affirm, etc.).) ".
"Have you ever thought about what will happen to you or your life if you still fail to love yourself?" If this topic is important to you, do not read further than this sentence, try to honestly answer to yourself 2 questions "What will happen in your life when you finally love yourself?" and "What won't happen in your life if you don't learn to love yourself?" Have you answered? Then write down these answers in a thesis, from which it will be possible to formulate a psychotherapeutic request. Other people usually answer differently: “My life will lose all meaning”, “Everyone will continue to ride on me”, “I will remain so unkempt and ugly”, “I cannot love others, because you cannot give what you don’t have " etc.
-Then I have 2 news for you - I say - bad and good.
The bad news is that you are unlikely to ever fall in love with yourself. But not at all because you are not working on yourself enough or do not have any special abilities, etc. But simply because love is an abstraction that cannot be understood, recognized, touched, etc. Each person understands and describes it in his own way. Each person changes this description after a while, through the prism of the events that happened and the people they met. And the more time passes, the more our perception and understanding of this very “love” of ourselves changes. We are trying to explain it - responsibility, care, acceptance, respect, etc. But what is the very essence of "love" for us remains a mystery and a subject of dispute for centuries. So, speaking figuratively, we understand that "it is impossible to achieve that, I do not know what specifically."
The good news is that behind each abstraction, our brain is trying to hide something specific, just resource-consuming, therefore objectionable). By asking ourselves various questions, like, for example, above, we can find out what kind of need we feel here and now (after all, after a while it will be a completely different need), makes me feel a lack of some feelings and sensations about yourself? Then, having identified the need, having developed a plan to satisfy it and starting to fulfill it, we have every chance of getting what we want. However, here it immediately becomes obvious that in such a context, "self-love" is not a cake or the ability to say no, it is a colossal life-long work. After all, we have many needs, and the longer we live and the more actively we develop, the more needs we have. Perhaps, it is worth starting with the basic ones, since they are the basis of everything, with care and acceptance of your body, etc. But a more or less satisfying algorithm can be described as follows:
1. If you decide to work on yourself, it is better to start a special notebook for this.
2. First of all, in it we write out specific feelings and sensations that we hide under the abstraction "Love yourself". Everyone will have something of their own: care, acceptance, respect, comfort, development, interest, etc.
3. We highlight conditional spheres / directions in which we will explore ourselves (I will write in brief, and you can expand your spheres to suit your needs):
- the physical body (appearance, health, rest, pleasure, etc.)
- contacts (relatives, friends, colleagues, strangers, animals, etc.)
- family (partner, children, parents)
- worldview (intelligence, values and attitudes, spirituality, emotions)
- professional (study, profession, status, achievements, etc.)
- hobbies, hobbies
- material (things, money, trips, events, etc.)
4. We select in turn any of the needs identified in clause 2, and check in which of the areas it is sufficiently or insufficiently satisfied.
I'll take an example. Let's say in item 2. I determined that one of the meanings hidden under the abstraction of "self-love" is "care." Then I write down the directions from item 3 on each separate sheet. and ask myself the question: What can / want to do to take care of my appearance? Or: What can / want to do to take care of my intellectual development? If in some of the areas it is impossible to formulate a question, most likely there is no obvious need in this area, because questions themselves arise where there is emptiness.
5. With each separate final list of "necessary" in a particular area, we outline a plan for implementation (prescribe the steps to achieve) and begin to implement, a little every day.
Each list can and should be periodically reviewed for compliance with the values here and now, take a break from work, seek advice from someone who is better versed in any of the areas, etc. This is especially true for areas where it is impossible to formulate a request for a need, but there is a clear sense of dissatisfaction with this area. Everything that echoes and is repeated on different lists should be taken into development first. Of course, a lot of work remains to be done, for the next year or two to those who really decide to work on themselves, and not hide behind abstraction. However, if, or rather, say “when” you figured out what exactly your subconsciousness hides under the concept of “self-love”, remember that you and in you have everything you need in order to satisfy these revealed needs. Take action;)
Recommended:
A Relief From The Burden
“Both boring and sad! - and there is no one to lend a hand In a moment of spiritual hardship. " I have a fantasy that Mikhail Lermontov is undergoing psychotherapy and talks with his psychologist about feeling lonely and isolated during periods of despondency.
Self-isolation Stress And Anxiety / How To Survive An Epidemic / Self-regulation And Self-management
Quite recently, as if yesterday, it seemed to me that this topic is relevant for people experiencing health problems. Personally, I used these techniques for clients for whom stress is contraindicated for medical reasons, so an attempt to delve into the causes of a stressful situation could lead to additional exacerbations of the underlying disease, and there was only one thing left - teaching self-regulation techniques.
Daughters Who Were Disliked And The Heavy Burden Of Family Secrets
“Throughout my childhood, my mother devalued my academic success, saying that at least I should succeed, otherwise I’m so ugly and fat. She made me feel terrible every day. Imagine my surprise when I found out as an adult that she bragged about my success to others because it made her a successful mother in the eyes of others.
Self-criticism, Self-support, Self-acceptance
Self-criticism, self-support, self-acceptance - these are the steps in script therapy that mean learning the skill of self-love. The article aims to show psychologists how you can go this way in the therapy of low self-esteem and self-denial.
Unbearable Burden: Psychological Causes Of Slouching
Often stooped people do not have the courage to convince themselves and others. They cannot understand their purpose in life, determine what they like, and calmly do it. Such people are said to be “non-whole persons”. Sometimes they find it difficult to force themselves to do posture-correcting exercises.
