Narcissism In Personal Relationships

2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43

In this article, I would like to make an attempt to bring you, dear readers, closer to the world of narcissistic people and how they manifest themselves in personal relationships.

The very term "narcissism" in a broad sense - any form of love in relation to oneself, narcissism. The term comes from the Greek myth of Narcissus, a beautiful young man who rejected the love of a nymph. As a punishment for this, he was doomed to fall in love with his own reflection in the water of the lake, and died of this love. At the place of his death, a flower grew, called a daffodil.

It's hard to say anything new about narcissism. There have always been vain, selfish, impudent, empty, greedy, manipulative people in the world who did not take the interests of others into account. But, nevertheless, these people could be charming, admire others, be the center of attention and create seemingly perfect relationships.

Narcissists choose a person as their partner who, for whatever reason, was universally recognized and was exceptional. This person should be the best, the most beautiful, the most intelligent. This is because the object of love of such a person should be idealized not only by himself, but also by those around him. But over time, those qualities that attract the narcissistic person at the beginning of the relationship later begin to cause envy - a feeling that the narcissistic person considers unbearable, and therefore does not recognize in himself.

A narcissistic personality, unlike a healthy personality and healthy narcissism, cannot admire the real qualities and merits of a person and be tolerant of a partner's shortcomings. Instead, she is angry that the person next to him is not so ideal and shame, because the narcissist himself is worse than the one who is next to him. Thus, a partner who is next to such a person serves as either an object of admiration or an object of contempt. Narcissistic individuals are not really capable of engaging in healthy personal relationships based on love, trust, and respect. They have a heartbreaking need for someone to connect with their inner emptiness and bring them into emotional balance. Here is one story of 28-year-old girl Valentina: “I have never met people like Him. From the first minutes of meeting him, I realized that I was in love with his charm, sense of humor. The impression was that it was mutual. Even more: there was the impression that overnight I became significant and important for him, his eyes sparkled at that first meeting. He simply idolized me, admired my beauty, intelligence, found in me all the new talents … At first I did not pay attention to the fact that the person limited my contacts with my parents and friends. I was so absorbed in him, in his love, that, it seemed, I did not need the rest at all. This has never happened to me before, despite my personal relationships, I have always kept my own interests. And here I fell in love so much that everything else seemed so small, unimportant, insignificant to me. He penetrated deeply into my life that I did not notice how he began to make decisions for me: when to come home, how and what to dress, what to eat and how to spend my free time. If he suggested something, it was magical, we were happy together. But if something didn't work out the way he wanted or something I wanted, it didn't just upset or disappoint him, it changed his attitude towards me. He immediately became angry, cold, indifferent, and sometimes cruel. Being in this position, I constantly felt a sense of guilt that I did something wrong, and sometimes I did not understand why he humiliated me so. I tried my best to rectify the situation, but it was useless. Sometimes he just hated me! Although an hour ago he was an attentive, caring and loving person. This relationship lasted for several months until I realized that it was necessary to put a final point in them. I realized that the more love, care, attention and myself - I give in these relationships, the more a person does not notice this attention and love that he receives, becoming even more imperious and selfish."

Why do people agree to relationships with such personalities, fight for them, try to change and change the other and do not leave? There are several reasons for this. The person entering into a relationship with a narcissist may have had a narcissistic parent as a child and learned to see their worth and significance only by satisfying the person's needs. Another explanation is as follows: having low self-esteem, the need for admiration and recognition from others, a person as partners can choose a narcissistic person for himself, so that, being nearby, “bask in the sun's rays”, which the narcissistic person spreads thanks to his charm, sense of humor and power. But this is a misleading impression, since at the same time, a person loses himself, becoming a puppet in the hands of another. We can see such power very clearly in the above story. Narcissists are people who appear “exceptional” and “special” at first glance, and this forces other people to enter into relationships with them. This "exclusivity" is imaginary, in fact, it is not. It seems to you that thanks to these very relationships, you could get everything that you lacked and that was not in your life. They can charm at first sight, which can make you want to admire them, be interested. In response, they may do something nice to you in return. Many people take such actions on their part for a real feeling, love.

Reflection 1 … "Narcissus is near." If you think that you often have to deal with such people in life or feel the power of the temptation emanating from them, think about what old problems you are trying to solve by being drawn into virtually impossible relationships. Recognizing your narcissistic relationship can be helped by being aware of your feelings in such a person's company. Such a person, being next to you, will constantly make you feel ashamed, awkward, angry, and on the other hand, idealize you and other people. If you are experiencing violent feelings caused by the narcissist's behavior, ask yourself what button this person was able to press. Remember events from the past, when you experienced the same feelings, with whom these feelings were associated, as you acted in these situations and, perhaps, you will be able to understand why in adulthood you fall for the same "bait".

The most significant element of a narcissistic relationship is the illusion of merging, that is, the delusion of people that we must once and for all become one, not let anyone into our world, and if we split up, then it will threaten danger.

The narcissistic personality has another characteristic that distinguishes them from other people - this is claim to a right … In a personal relationship, this is that you have to satisfy their needs, but they themselves do not take on any obligation to satisfy yours. Narcissistic individuals may consider themselves to be givers, but they only give what they want, not what others need. Here is the story of one man, let's call him Anton (31 years old): “Several years ago I had a not very successful relationship with a girl. After living together for several years, she began to openly cheat on me. I knew about the young man she was dating. In addition to her betrayals, she humiliated me in every possible way: as a man, as a lover, as a person. I was trampled, constantly angry at her manifestations of negative feelings, but I could not part. I tried to find some reasons why I still stayed with her, and they were every time. I was very in love with this amazing girl, and sometimes we had a really good relationship. This manifested itself in all kinds of care for me: she cooked, ironed my shirts, was an excellent lover and could cheer up. But it seemed that our "good" relationship depended only on her desire to make them that way. My initiative, concern did not find a response in her soul, making her callous, rude, capable of treason and humiliation …”.

Meditation 2 … "The legacy of parents." You have many chances to create a narcissistic relationship if your father and / or mother were such personalities in your parental family. To understand if your parenting heritage has influenced you, answer the following questions:

Does pain or frustration accompany your relationship?

In close relationships, do you have difficulty giving or receiving?

- Do you often fall in love or, on the contrary, are afraid to let people in for fear of being rejected or used?

- As a rule, you choose unsuitable or unavailable partners?

- Do you believe in "perfect love", which seems safe and exciting enough to you?

- Have you ever fallen in love?

- After you get to know your partner better after a while, it turns out that there are flaws in him that you cannot accept or forgive them with great difficulty? Is the ease of communication going away?

- Do you take responsibility for all the troubles that happen between you?

- Do you feel much better in a relationship when you idealize your partner or, on the contrary, devalue his actions and deeds?

If you answered yes to most of the questions, don't be discouraged. Even if your parents influenced you, you already at least know about it. This is the first step to building a good relationship.

One effective way to recover from the effects of unhealthy narcissism is to create healthy relationships in the present. How does such a relationship begin? With communication, in which there is respect for the boundaries and personality of the other, support, attentive attitude to each other. I believe that you can create relationships that will bring you happiness, joy and mutual pleasure from communicating with each other every day !!