WORKING BY THE METHOD OF SPACING: MONEY (case From Practice)

2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43

When people come to a psychologist with the topic of money, most often the requests can be generalized and reduced to two options.

The first option in different modifications sounds like this: “ I cannot earn », « I do not know how to earn », « I do not earn much », « I always don't have enough money"," I am always paid little "," Whatever I do, my income does not increase, it feels like I have some kind of inner ceiling "," I fight like a fish on ice, but there was no money, and no ".

Option two, again, in the mouths of different people sounds like this: “ I seem to make good money, but I still don't have enough for anything », « I earn, but I spend all my money "to zero" and I can not start saving », « I don't understand how other people with the same income as mine buy cars, apartments, build houses? », « I do not know how to save », « Money comes to me easily, but it leaves even easier », « As soon as I earn more than usual, something happens and I lose this money.».

If requests can be generalized, then the reasons for this way of living for each client may be different.

Constellations, as a systematic method, allow you to look at the problem at different levels: at the level of a person's personal history, at the family level (in this case, we mean a family created by the person himself), at the level of the parental family (in this case, we mean a family, in which a person grew up), at the transgenerational level (the history of the human race).

Let's consider what some of the causes of the problem under investigation might look like at different levels.

For example, a person received an excellent education, quickly and successfully began his working career, began to receive recognition and decent financial rewards. But, at that moment, something happened (another crisis in the state, a crisis at an enterprise, a change of leadership, unfair play of colleagues, or something else) and instead of further success, recognition and income growth, the person suddenly lost everything. People are different. Someone after a short time will start all over again. And someone turns out to be so unsettled that they make an internal decision not to succeed anymore, because falling is very painful. The considered example refers to the level of a person's personal history.

Now let's look at the situation from the point of view of the family level. Suppose a married couple was originally formed according to the principle of husband-father, wife-daughter. And the couple is stable just in this form. In this case, the wife's attempts to get a job and start receiving a high salary are doomed to failure, since otherwise there is a high risk that the couple will break up. AND both spouses will do everything to prevent this from happening: the wife will unconsciously create situations of financial failure for herself, and the husband will deliberately prevent the wife from starting to earn money: "Why do you need to work if I already provide for our family?"

The opposite variant is also quite typical in Russia: the wife is hyperfunctional and the husband is hypofunctional. The wife works, the husband does not work. And this is also a certain balance in such a married couple. Both can express dissatisfaction with such a situation, but at the same time they are calm about their marriage, since it is stable in this form.

Let us now turn to the level of the parental family. The child grew up and saw that both parents work a lot and earn little money, in addition, they work in an unloved job. What's next? The child grows up. And now he himself works a lot and earns little, while he does not like his job. But, at the same time, he loves his parents very much, is faithful to them, loyal. He lives in harmony with himself, because he adheres to the principle: “I am like you, mom. I'm like you, dad. I am the same as you. He feels belonging to his family, his connection with her. And this need outweighs the need for money, which a person seems to be so lacking.

When it comes to the transgenerational level, it usually concerns traumas and shocks of such intensity that knowledge about them is passed on from generation to generation, first at the level of stories, and then, when the stories are already erased from the memory of the family, as unconscious knowledge.

For example, the client's great-grandfather or great-great-grandfather knew how to make money and was able to create material well-being for himself and his family, but for some reason he lost everything (for example, he was dispossessed). This kind of unconscious memory holds the idea that creating wealth is pointless. A client who comes with a desire to start earning more does not realize this, but in fact follows this precedent of his ancestors: he earns little or immediately squanders everything he earned. There may be a more terrible story: one of the distant ancestors died because he had money. And then the idea that being rich is deadly will be stored in the unconscious memory of the family. But the task of any kind is to contribute to the survival of their descendants, so such an idea will have great resilience. And we will see a modern person who hardly provides himself financially, but from the point of view of the history of his family acts absolutely correctly - he is not rich, but is alive and well.

The difficulty is that in the case of a specific client, we can see that there are reasons related to each of the levels. Reasons that reinforce each other.

When an understanding of the reasons is born, then the question arises: "What can be done about this?"

As an answer, I will give an example of an arrangement from my own practice with a client's “money” request.

Client: age 28, higher education, there is a favorite job in the specialty with a salary comparable to the average earnings of similar specialists in the city, there are opportunities for additional earnings, since there are clients who apply.

Request (description of the problem and the desired result): a person would like to earn more, but he feels some kind of inner ceiling, because when he manages to earn more money immediately “goes away”. For example, having received additional income, he immediately loses it. A person would also like to save for some large acquisitions, which is possible even with his salary without additional earnings, but he does not save, but spends money on unnecessary and secondary things. For example, he eats a lot in cafes and restaurants. In addition, he spends money on others, not on himself.

The story of the parental family: the client's father earns very modestly all his life, this is his principled life position, in his system of values it is important to have free time and peace of mind. The mother knows how to earn money, but she spent many years not on herself, but on the children.

The logic of work in the arrangement:

- the client's awareness of his loyalty to both parents (“I love you so much, dad, that I earn a little, just like you”, “I love you so much, mom, that I spend money not on myself, but on others, like you );

- the client's awareness of the fact that no matter how he earns and spends money, he still remains the child of his parents (“I have exactly half of you, mom, and exactly half of you, dad”);

- the client's awareness of the possibility of feeling connected with parents in a different way, through what he likes about them, and not through repeating their way of handling money;

- the client's understanding of the fact that he can live differently, handle money differently, and continue to love his parents as much as before.

Follow-up: the client has realized in life both tasks that he set: he increased the amount of money he earned, began to dispose of what he earns more reasonably (eliminated unnecessary expenses and losses, began to save part of the money).

Good luck to you!