2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
Working with the Inner Child is very important in script therapy. Especially in the spirit of redefinition.
Resolving is the practice of moving from early childhood decisions that are restrictive to adult flexible and behavioral-expanding decisions.
As a child, not possessing abstract thinking and logic, focusing only on your emotions, you made decisions that contributed to your psychological survival.
These decisions gave you a way to receive love. So you might have thought then. A short and not flexible way.
In this article I will give an example of working with early childhood decisions as a practice of re-decision.
Resolving Practice: How to Give Your Inner Child Permission to Live
In your early childhood (from 0 to 7 years old) there were hundreds of different situations in which you did not receive care, attention, time given to you from the parental figures.
And then, in these situations, you could make decisions that have these 3 properties:
- they are aimed at your future,
- they describe your Self-Image as the opposite of the behavior of your Parents,
- they are about the way you will win / give love in the future.
All three or only one of the three properties. Does not matter. Another thing is important.
These decisions saved you then in situations of ignoring your needs. And they have limited you in your adult future.
You have grown up and it's time to redefine your scenario.
Let me give you an example of work on resolution based on the materials that my client kindly provided. Perhaps this algorithm will be useful for you too.
I have described the ways how to come to such a tablet, drawn up for each of the parental figures of her childhood, in previous publications.
I take her early childhood decisions (conclusions) only in situations of communication with dad.
And I immediately express my deep gratitude for the thorough work done and for the courage to show its results to you.
As you can see, situations (reference) are briefly described in regular font. And under * and bold early childhood decisions are written.
Reference situations, because:
- are part of the script - "holographic",
- repeated many times in different variations in childhood with the same essence and conclusions,
- connected with a rubber band with the situations in the client now when communicating with her script partners.
I hope I explained it clearly. If not, ask questions in the comments.
Let's go into the first situation and use it as an example to do the work of resolving it.
So, a 5-year-old girl comes up to her dad, who is reading a newspaper and asks to play with him. Dad (who was expecting a boy and does not know what to play with the girls), without letting go of the newspaper, rejects the girl and sends her to play with her mother.
The girl concludes: They don't like me because they don't spend time with me. Baby Solution: I will grow up and will devote all my free time to my partner
In the situation with men in adult life, she follows her decision, subconsciously choosing partners who will reject her like a dad in childhood.
In a relationship, she completely focuses on the wants and needs of her partner. Rejecting your needs (mom and dad pattern).
Most of all, she is upset by the words of her partner in response to her offer to spend time together. Go and spend time with your friends.
She still feels resentment, the pain of rejection, and feels lonely.
Resolving practice algorithm in action:
Resolving practice includes a very important part of therapy, which helps to rewrite the reference situation based on the resource of the Assistant, I will not describe it here.
This work is carried out in writing, in several approaches in a state of inner resourcefulness and good mood.
- What is the limiting effect of your decision? At the first stage, I invite the Client and you, the Reader, to think over the decisions made in that situation and to realize its limitations. Is it true that if a loved one does not spend time with you, then this means that he does not love? Does everyone who spends time with you and pays attention to you pretends to be intimate?
- Is there a grain of truth in him? What can you leave? What useful part does it contain?
- How can I give myself what I didn't receive when? This question prompts the important idea that you can completely cover part of the needs that were not closed then and now on your own.
- How do you copy the behavior of the parent figure? In this case, the client, like her dad in relation to her then, ignores the needs of her Inner Child, completely focusing on the desires of the partner.
- What new conclusion about yourself and your actions in the relationship can you accept now? So the conclusion is asked that now I can take care of myself and that this will allow me not to depend on the desires and intentions of my partner. What other conclusions do you see?
- What is the new adult decision you can make? Now I will be sensitive to my desires and satisfy them by organizing the space, taking the necessary steps, and involving the right people to organize my care of myself. I will keep my needs a priority. I will learn to take care of myself.
- What permissions from a Caring Parent can you give your Inner Child that will reinforce the new decision in behavior? Permissions need to be written and implemented in you-message format. I authorize you to communicate your desires and needs. I let you take care of other people. Now you can receive my care and love in the form you need and as much as you need.
- What rules will help secure a new decision in my life? Putting yourself first in the queue for your love. Learn to ask for and easily accept support from other people. Asking yourself more often, "What do I want?" (in the form of a question to the Inner Child "what do YOU want?") and respond with actions to the answer received.
Having fixed the overresolved conclusion in the behavior, you can and should start working with the following child's solution.
As you can see, there is a lot of work to be done - it pleases. which you can do most of it yourself. I urge this work with several solutions to be done in scenario therapy with the author of the article.
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