Raped Men

2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43

Over the past decades, the world has begun to speak more openly about violence against women and children. Entire social programs are being created to protect victims of violence. Women who have experienced physical or sexual violence no longer hide their faces, but become leaders of these movements. We all learn to empathize and support them. We learn not to be tolerant of rapists, but to stop them, even if it looks harsh. We are not yet very ready to understand their motives, but this may not be required. There are things in this world that just need to clearly and clearly say "NO".

In my work, I constantly encounter the fact that victims of violence feel guilty for what happened. Kind people hinted to them opaquely that it was their provocation that caused the violence. I will not deny that the behavior of the victim attracts the rapist.

But there is a "golden rule" when dealing with violence: "VIOLENCE IS ALWAYS GUILTY BY THE RAPIDER." No provocation justifies the fact that a person did not control his impulses and rudely and unceremoniously violated the boundaries of another who is weaker than him. That is why it is extremely difficult to work with people who were beaten in childhood or, even worse, sexually abused and raped. These wounds do not heal completely, it seems that they never.

And now, I come to the main thing that I wanted to write about today. This is violence against men. I mean the emotional abuse of mothers against their sons. “Mom is sacred” I often heard from different men. Behind this phrase can be a really beautiful image of a strong and loving mother. And then the man will not talk about the holiness of the woman. He will just be a good husband and father.

Another version of the story is about how a real monster in a woman's guise is hiding behind a holy image. I am sometimes asked if there is a female version of Bluebeard?

There is. Both in life and in my office, I have met many adult men who are still at the mercy of this monster. Around their necks hangs a thick rope called guilt feelings, the other end of which is in the small and tenacious arms of their mothers. Every impulse to freedom caused a sharp twitch, and these men learned to be predictable, consistent and very reliable.

This reliability is by no means a consequence of a conscious choice, it is a vital necessity, so as not to finally suffocate and not hang on this rope, giving his soul to God. No, not to God … mom. After all, their soul belongs to her. She gave birth, which means that she is a full-fledged mistress of both soul and body.

I meet the mother of one of my childhood friends, who still lives with my mother. Well, I ask, Vanechka (Petechka, Vassenka) didn't get married? “Oh, don’t tell me,” she replies, “I want grandchildren, but he, the parasite, doesn’t want to marry!” I would feel sorry for the old woman, but I can't. Because I know that Vanechka is not like getting married, it was not safe for him even to meet girls.

I remember how 30 years ago this cute old woman (younger, of course) ran to school to expose the "spoiled" girl Yulia, with whom Vanechka kissed on a trip to Dombai. How did she know about this, you ask?

Well, wiretapping the phone, auditing a briefcase, climbing in pockets is a common thing for these mothers. And it was in Soviet times and ended with a class hour with the topic "Sex education of adolescents", a parent meeting with a public flogging of Yulia's mother, and in the end, Yulia's transfer to another school out of shame. Having received unlimited power over the boy she gave birth to, a woman risks playing out on him all her dissatisfaction and anger associated with men.

This he will now answer for all sins, and this he will justify all her hopes. She will now definitely bring him up in love, but the main thing is respect for a woman. She will definitely make him respect herself, because it is such a noble deed to raise a real man. And you definitely can't trust this infantile squishy who considers himself to be his father!

She was his mother and father, because she wanted him to be born. She endured all the hardships of pregnancy and childbirth, she earned money while this loser, his father, was messing around. All for the sake of this miracle, which is destined to become the best man of her life! She will protect her miracle, her son, because in it, like an egg, there is a needle, at the end of which is her life. Her future life, her old age.

He must make her future life happy, because it is a man who makes a woman's life happy.

He satisfies her desires, protects her from dangers.

The husband could not cope with this, looking for someone else is an impossible task. And this little one here he is, he can be taught everything. And she will definitely cope with this task. Everything is in her hands.

He looks at her with his eyes in anticipation of the love that she will definitely give him. Not just like that, of course, but for the fact that he will do what she expects and demands from him correctly. This is the right upbringing, to encourage the right deeds. And love in this world is not given just like that.

At least she was definitely not given just like that. And now she will not give, and accordingly he will not receive. And he early learns a sense of pride and satisfaction when he becomes a little man next to his mother. With a woman whose importance is equal to the universe. O

he will not survive without her love, and if this requires becoming an adult, reading her desires, postponing her feelings, enduring discomfort, then he agrees. This is not such a high price compared to life.

Life goes on and the price grows, but no one warned about it. On the contrary, more and more people around him need support, which he is in a hurry to provide. Because it is in these moments that his back is straightened, and his whole nature diminishes the feeling of pride and strength. This is the moment of truth. Either that, or death.

And the chiropractor said that he had some kind of shell that squeezed the spine and it would be good for a psychologist to figure out what kind of weight he is carrying on his shoulders. Isn't it a man's job to carry weights? You just need to rest a little, but it is better to pump up your muscles so that your back does not hurt. Still, however, the heart began to play pranks, but this is nonsense. He will rest a little, a couple of days, and everything will pass. Most of these boys won't live to be 50.

The resource will expire. Sometimes, in moments of despair, they will catch themselves on the fact that only quiet hatred is left of their feelings for their mother, bursting out in uncontrollable thoughts or feelings. Immediately followed by a feeling of guilt and anger at himself, so ungrateful. There are so many unfortunate people in need of support, children, women, old people.

Does he have a right to pity? And it's so shameful to feel sorry for you. He will die quickly so as not to burden others. Sometimes before mom. And exactly earlier than it should be. Many people at his funeral will sincerely regret that a good person has passed away. It would never occur to anyone that there was no life. He never recognized his desires, never learned to rejoice. His only joy is when he did well to another.

It is death as a result of exhaustion from the constant, incessant violence of the inner mother, who was an exact copy of his real mother …

Illustrations: sculptures by Yuichi Ikehata