If Raped, Relax And Have Fun?

2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43

Psychologist, CBT approach

Chelyabinsk

A person becomes a rapist as a result of organic brain damage, severe mental illness, when the ability to adequately think and perceive reality is impaired, the emotional-volitional sphere suffers

In case of impaired perception and thinking, a person may be under the influence of hallucinations, delirium. In this case, the motive for the violence will be some crazy idea

With a severe disorder of the emotional-volitional sphere, it is problematic to control one's emotions and actions, a person becomes aggressive, disinhibited. He is violent because, for example, he wants sex right now and cannot hold back the impulse

With paraphilia (perversion of drives), a person is dependent on his addiction, he is able to receive sexual and mental relaxation only in a perverse way. As the alcoholic relieves alcohol, so the pervert is in control of his cravings for sexual fetish. In this case, the abuser will commit violence because, under other conditions, he cannot get pleasure.

The pervert rapist can be aroused from something specific: from the fear and screams of the victim, from sex with her in a state of helplessness (with a deactivated consciousness), or even from sex with a lifeless body (with necrophilia).

Given the difference in the motives of the offender, it is extremely difficult to choose the right strategy for self-preservation.

The surest thing is to reduce the risk of getting into dangerous situations.

If a rapist has been attacked, what to do?

Unfortunately, the attack is so sudden and violent that the chances of salvation are very slim.

But if there are chances, you need to be guided by the situation.

If you can see that the rapist is insane, says strange things that are far from reality, you need to support his delirium, pretend that you believe him, share his views, smoothly convincing you to do what you need in order to somehow bring your salvation closer: come to the police station, run away, find another way of protection, etc. If the aggressor needs fear, the emotions of horror, it is necessary to break the template of his perception - instead of the expected, demonstrate a reverse reaction.

Once, a client at a consultation told the story of her childhood: she and two other sisters were raised by a sadistic mother. Each time she beat the client to blood with a rope - it gave her pleasure to see her daughter wriggle and scream in pain. The client says that she got the most, the other two sisters were hardly touched by the mother, because when she began to beat them, they laughed, and the mother's fuse disappeared.

Of course, the rapist is unlikely to like being laughed at, but he may be overwhelmed by your calmness or some unexpected phrase.

In one of my articles I wrote that when rescuing the hostages, the mediator who negotiates with the invader deliberately tries to induce the Stockholm Syndrome in the hostages. A person under the influence of the Stockholm syndrome, as it were, merges with the aggressor, joins him on an emotional level and even begins to sympathize with him. A kind of sympathy can develop between an invader and a hostage. For example, the victim may remind the aggressor of someone close to him, they may have a common character, views, problems. Therefore, if dialogue is possible, this is a good way to distract the abuser from his intentions.

The real Stockholm syndrome arises unconsciously, but you can enter into such a state consciously, then it will be controlled, subordinate to a specific goal.

It is important to observe carefully, to try to find the opponent's weaknesses. Of course, you can't do without iron self-control.

Serial killers also don't attack anyone. More often something "triggers" them in the behavior and words of the victim, if the victim is passive, scared.

The Angarsk maniac, for example, admitted that he left one woman he gave a ride to, because she behaved confidently, "courageously".

You should not try to get into a fight with the rapist or insult him, threaten him if there is no confidence in victory, thereby only provoking him into even greater aggression. At the same time, it is necessary to use every opportunity to save your life. This story was told to me by a school friend during our 11th grade. She met a man in his thirties, who, after 3 dates, invited her to his country house. A friend naively agreed, buying an expensive car and courting. When they were in his house, he began to harass her rudely, to persuade her to have sex. At first, the friend struggled, tried to somehow reason with the aggressor, but he only became angrier, began to threaten that she would not leave his house alive at all. Then the friend changed her tactics: she began to behave gently with the aggressor, letting him know that she agreed to have sex, only wanted to take a shower first, asked him to pour champagne into glasses in her absence, wash the fruit, and turn on relaxing music. Having won time in this way, the friend carefully crept to the exit and ran away. For an hour she wandered around the village, then for another two hours she walked along the road to the house. This adventure was enough for the rest of my life. It is necessary to call for help and provide active resistance to the aggressor if there is a hope that people will hear and come to help, or when there is no other way out. It would be great to master the techniques of hand-to-hand combat and other methods of self-defense. There were times when the victim actively resisted the attack and this scared off the rapist. However, such behavior can, on the contrary, further exacerbate him.

If you are going somewhere, send a message to your loved ones with the number of the taxi or car in which you will go, leave, if possible, the names, surnames and phone numbers of your friends and acquaintances, the addresses where you can presumably be found. If you meet with a dubious person, take a picture of his car number with him and send it to someone close to you. It will not be superfluous to install a geolocation application, a panic button on your phone and your loved ones …

Can you relax and have fun when you are being raped?

Of course, this is absurd. Not only does the victim experience mental and physical pain, fear, disgust in the process of rape, she also does not know how it will end, whether the rapist will leave her alive, how long the violence will last, there will be one rapist or there will be several of them, what perverted fantasies in his head …

A mitigating circumstance may be that the victim liked the rapist when they met. And if the violence was committed by an unpleasant, disgusting type? And if it is contagious? If the victim also became pregnant from him?

Some women confessed to having orgasms while being raped. This is probably a certain category of women, whose life history requires a separate analysis.

Children need to be told that there are such stories, try to build trust with them, so that they report any situations involving violation of their boundaries.