Resource Of Responsibility. Or How To Become The Author Of Your Life

2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43

I have long wanted to write about responsibility. And then one day the thoughts took shape in an article.

It will not be about responsibility, as a duty or guilt, but about the authorship of one's life, about responsibility for one's thoughts, actions and relationships.

I look at people and understand that the overwhelming majority not only does not take responsibility for themselves, but also shifts it onto others. Is that the mentality? All around the poor and unhappy, humiliated and insulted. All of them have something wrong and everyone around them is to blame.

Thinking about the psychological description of such behavior, the Karpman triangle immediately comes to mind

Who lives in the triangle?

The Karpman Triangle, or Drama Triangle, is a model of interaction between people in which certain roles are played out. They are called differently, but let's focus on the trinity. Rescuer- Victim- Pursuer.

Remember, are there people in your environment who sometimes or often think that nothing depends on them, often complain about fate and sometimes even create the impression of helpless creatures? These are the Victims. They deny their ability to cope with problems and are always looking for someone stronger, someone who will decide everything for them.

To help The victim comes Rescuer … Do not feed these people with bread - let someone help. And it doesn't matter if their help is needed. Rather, in the opinion of the Rescuers, of course it is necessary and they cannot cope without them. The rescuer considers himself responsible for the problems of others, forgetting that he himself may have no less of these problems. On the one hand, he postpones responsibility for his life, and on the other, he is affirmed at the expense of those whom he helps.

And finally, the third role - Pursuer … This is the one through whose fault the Sacrifice lives poorly. He considers himself right to blame and punish. The persecutor does not admit his guilt on an unconscious level and defends himself by attack, projecting his feelings of inferiority onto others.

We each have our favorite roles in this triangle, but they can be changed. Even within a few minutes, you can visit different positions. It seems that I just wanted to save someone, but here you are already reading lectures on how to live the next victim.

If you look deeper, then all three roles from Karpman's triangle are three varieties of the Sacrifice position. Participants learned to think that their behavior was predetermined and not their responsibility.

Each role has a benefit to its performer. Therefore, the triangles themselves are long-term, if not lifelong, formations.

A triangle relationship is a convenient way to avoid taking responsibility for your actions or solving your problems.

In each of these roles, the person feels they have no choice. And it is this feeling of lack of choice that should become a marker that you are playing by the rules of the triangle.

How to become the author of your life?

As long as you believe that someone else is to blame for your problems, you stop managing your life.

In general, life is a difficult thing, but we are just people. Many things may not suit us: appearance, health, relationships with family and friends, work, various disasters and cataclysms - but this does not mean that we have no choice. Someone simply chooses to act and resolve emerging issues, while someone shrugs off responsibility and prefers to wait for help from others.

Those in the triangle don't solve problems. There is no such task. It's just a manipulative game. And if for some reason the problem has been solved, a new problem will come in its place, which in fact will be just an excuse to continue the game.

Only those who take responsibility for themselves can become the author of their lives. This does not mean that he becomes omnipotent and omnipotent. On the contrary, such a person knows how to assess his capabilities and, if necessary, find helpers to achieve the necessary goals. Such a person can be kind and generous, helping others when asked, and not expecting anything in return. Such a person can be confident in his righteousness and will be able to defend his point of view, but at the same time he will respect the opinions and feelings of other people.

Do you feel the difference in the description with the previous part? The author writes his life based on the existing conditions.

Try to stop in a problem situation and answer the following questions:

What can I do to deal with the situation?

Is my situation so hopeless?

What help do I need? / Do I need my help and how much?

Is it my fault what happened?

What do I want to get as a result?

These are just a few of the questions that will help you look at the situation from the side of your personal responsibility and keep you from entering a triangle relationship.

Will I succeed?

Of course, writing an article is much easier than putting it into practice. In fact, the Karpman triangle is just a schematic representation of the emerging relationship, because there are various underlying reasons behind our behavior.

A person acts in the most acceptable way for himself, but often in an unconscious way. And play is a type of unconscious process. But if you bring it to a conscious level, then you can somehow manage with it.

Psychotherapy can help in this difficult task, the main task of which is precisely to increase the awareness of the ongoing processes and take responsibility for your life.

Believe in yourself and be responsible!