2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
There are two main positions in relation to life: the position of the victim (similar to the victim of Karpman) and the position of the author. The difference between them is very simple - the author's attention is focused on what he (the author) can influence, while the victim has more emotions about what the victim cannot influence.
The victim and the author can do the same thing, while the attitude to the world is completely different, and the result is different.
For example, a person forgets to take an umbrella in the morning and gets caught in a pouring rain. In this case, the victim will be angry at the rain, call his mother and cry into the phone (maybe even offended that his mother did not remind him to take the umbrella), still get angry, offended, and so on. By the way, in the place of the mother there can be a husband, a sister, and a girlfriend (this is not the point here). And the fact that the victim in this case falls into Karpman's triangle and starts looking for a rescuer is not important here either. This is her job, the victims.
What will the author do in this case? And the author in this case will think: a) is it possible to buy an umbrella somewhere nearby? b) why not call a taxi to quickly get to work? c) are there any mobile apps that would give reminders in case of bad weather and remind you to take an umbrella?
The example is a bit exaggerated, but I hope it is clear.
Also, when a person is in the position of the author in relation to his own life, he has such a good habit - the habit of setting goals, large and small. This helps a lot to achieve what you want, and throw out the excess from life.
When a person understands what he is moving towards, it is difficult to unbalance him. And the environment is corrected. Why should I communicate with this person? Do I need to communicate with him at all? And what will I lose if I refuse to communicate with this person?
And if at work a quarrelsome employee tries to drag such a person into a conflict, he will first of all think: Do I need this? Why should I? And there is a high probability that the employee will simply fall behind. When they try to break through to you with emotions, but there are no emotions, then what to take from you?
The victim herself will not notice how she started up and fell into emotions. Necessary not for her, and profitable not for her.
If we are talking about emotions. When a person learns to answer for himself this simple question "Why?", Unproductive emotions in his life become less. More energy. There are more results. The efficiency is improved.
There is such a motivating quote (I do not remember the author): If you do not have your own goals, then you are doomed to work for the goals of other people.
My interpretation. If in communication with other people you do not set clear understandable goals for yourself, then you are carried away. In most cases - not in the right place.
By the way, both the victims and the authors go to personal development trainings. Only the author leaves the training and runs to apply the acquired skills. The victim changes his thinking for a long time and tediously and waits for the changes to happen by themselves.
All this has very good news. The position of the author in oneself can be developed. This does not happen overnight, but it is possible. Track what reactions are manifested in different contexts, and ask yourself the question: Who am I now - the victim or the author of my life? The second, you see, even sounds somehow more pleasant and honorable, or something.
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