Victim Vs. Author

2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43

There will be no advice or recommendations here, there will be no conclusions or detailed explanations of the reasons. This is a simple description of observations, first of all for myself, but also for those with whom I interact both in a professional context and in everyday life. Collective observations in the form of images and metaphors. There are two heroes: the first is the Victim, the second is the Author.

It just so happened that the word Sacrifice is feminine, and the Author is masculine. There is no sexism on my part. I love women and treat them with love, awe and care to the extent that I am open and familiar. Regarding the sexes of the victim and the author, I will say that everything that you read below, and in what, perhaps, in part or in whole, you will meet yourself - all this is absolutely equally true for both many men and many women. It's not about gender differences at all. The point is only in those conditional basic psychological programs with which a person functions. At the same time, some programs bring suffering, pain, seriousness, heaviness, manipulative conditioning, while others bring joy, ease, gratitude and love. But more on that later.

And now let's put our heroes in different contexts and circumstances and look at the universe together through their prisms - the porthole of the Sacrifice and the open Cadillac of the Author.

Ability to stay in undesirable, unfavorable

Victim

Always looking for a reason outside, in the eyes of the victim, the reason is always outside, somewhere outside: in parents, husband, work, children, difficult childhood, health ailments. The reason and source of any undesirable situation for the victim is always somewhere outside: anywhere, but not in himself. Not finding a reason outside, the victim focuses on the search until he is able to logically come to the conclusion that someone or something is to blame - anyone, God, Putin, Freemasons or an unfair society. Often, the conclusions are quite absurd, and it is not easy to believe in them, therefore the victim is actively seeking consent and support for his views from outside, among friends and acquaintances, looking for those who are ready to assent, pity and support the victim in such a cozy and well-known sacrificial gaze. In fear of the unfavorable, the victim is forced to actively control life and what is happening. The victim tends to be serious rather than playful. Pessimism and sadness rather than gaiety. Irritability and aggression rather than warmth and joy. Of course not always, but sometimes, often.

author

Meeting the undesirable, he knows how to look at himself as the cause, as the source of what is happening. Knowing how to look at himself as a cause, he knows how to notice and admit his own insensitivity and mistakes. Having recognized its own insensitivity, it opens up an opportunity for sensitivity and does not meet such a rake in the future. And if he does, he learns to discover beauty and joy even in the unwanted. And it turns out - this is possible.

Meeting the long-awaited, desired

Victim

Meeting joy, meeting praise, love, decency, respect, care of the people around, consciously or not, but the victim is inclined to attribute the merits of what is always happening to himself: to his mind, beauty, wisdom, skills, merit, body. "I'm so beautiful, that's why they love me." "I'm so smart, that's why I have so many good friends." “It’s me that is so wise, so my son is studying for an A, because the genes are mine.” Sometimes the victim has a mirror-like behavior: the victim may be afraid and repulse any concern or praise, deliberately deny his merits. But the essence of such denial is the same - a strong, passionate attachment to them.

author

Thanks for the miracle, for the opportunity to meet with a similar person. He knows how to see the beauty and depth of the one who feels joy, love, care for him: the one who experiences love is always in him, it is he who is available to him to experience it. The author has forgotten how to ascribe merit to himself in any context, but here this is not false modesty. The success of those who are nearby knows how to rejoice as much as their own: he does not see the border between joy for himself and for a loved one.

Meeting with mistakes

Victim

He blames anyone around, knows how to skillfully blame the reasons for failures on the environment. The victim is not ready to openly admit his mistake. Therefore, a million and one method perks up how to explain his innocence or innocence. The victim is the best lawyer. He is afraid of mistakes and carefully avoids. Because of this, he experiences permanent fear and anxiety, often without realizing it. In covering up the traces, the victim has reached perfection and is able to convince not only others, but sometimes herself, turning the simple facts of life literally inside out and having managed to believe in them, just to level her own jambs.

author

Sees mistakes as an inevitable part of life. Falling, the author knows how to rise without looking back at the past. And even if, having risen, it hurts the author and it is not easy for the author to take the next step - if there is a vital necessity in the step, nothing in the author's universe can stop it. The author knows how to delicately maneuver in changing circumstances, change strategy, plans, throw what seemed reasonable and undeniable literally a moment ago, the author remains fluid like water. Being literally embedded in life itself, feeling life deeply, the author manages to rejoice even in mistakes, deriving direct experience from them.

Meeting the unplanned

Victim

She panics. It tends to close, literally like an ostrich - with its head in the sand. It interrupts any activity and pupates like a spore, freezes, freezes. It can start to fuss, throwing out the bustle outside in the form of active edifying commands, advice - it strengthens control over everything that happens outside to the limit accessible to the victim. What is happening is not realized. As soon as the degree of unplannedness falls, to the habitually comfortable, the victim can come to his senses and notice that for some time he literally stayed as if in a dream. The unplanned is avoided. This is due to the fear of mistakes and the fear of losing a sense of control and security. The victim prefers to close down, isolate himself, interrupt and avoid any contact in order to maintain the status quo - the status of the victim.

author

Prefers their absence over plans, but also does not avoid planning, if there is a need for it. In the absence of plans, he feels like a fish in water. The author clearly sees all the illusion and severity of control; preferring curiosity, play, lightness to resistance. He knows how to be easy in the most acute situations and changing circumstances, which is why life responds to the author in the same way - with ease. And situations, together with circumstances, can be resolved literally in a magical way, in no way described by words or by logic.

Outlining and embodying the intended

Victim

He actively plans, meticulously thinking through the smallest details. The victim is inclined first of all to spend time thinking over the most insignificant and unimportant, he goes to the most acute and valuable in the last place, often already in his own hands, a state of fatigue, loss of strength, can easily bring himself to apathy without taking the first step. The victim tends to rush and actively pursue the goal. Haste leads to mistakes, and sometimes to loss of satisfaction from the process. He knows how to hide from pressing tasks behind absent-mindedness, loss of strength, laziness. The victim is inclined to get stuck in a loop, faced with a momentary dead end, and there are a lot of dead ends, just because the victim does not know how to sift the wheat from the chaff, the center from the periphery. Being engaged in insignificant, the victim automatically does not see the point in this, does not see the return, because instead of investing the resource in the most acute, necessary and valuable at the moment, the resource merges into insignificant trifles. In general, the victim is rarely satisfied with almost any daily activity. And it's not easy: when the center is not found, it is difficult to feel satisfaction. The victim does not know how to feel and, accordingly, does not know how to pause in time for rest, which is why at a certain moment in the activity all content disappears, it occurs in idle time. The victim does not know how to leave what was planned, even if it has lost its relevance, leaving the case, the victim experiences guilt and remorse. “All cases must be completed, and if you don’t finish, then it’s better not to take it” - such a slogan perfectly characterizes the look of the victim.

author

I have forgotten how to rush, but I have learned not to rush. No matter how acute and urgent matters are implemented, the author knows how to remain at ease. Sometimes a rush happens to the author, but the author knows how to stop in time and allow the rush to subside, and then allow himself to slowly return to what was conceived, if it is still relevant. She is not afraid to give up what she has planned if it has lost its relevance. He clearly sees the absence of the need to “complete everything that has been started”. The most valuable thing for the author is happiness, peace, satisfaction, and both that and another and the third do not always need to be completed. The author knows that what was initially conceived, in the process, can easily be modified up to unrecognizable features, but this does not bother the author: if there is joy, and the author has joy, then everything is joy.

Memories

Victim

She tends to bathe in dreams and memories, and depending on her mood, either multiplying negative memories, or exaggerating the significance of the positive, or denying, or belittling the significance, or trying to forget something - as if this had not happened. The essence of sacrifice in memory is to reinforce. Memories for the victim often look much more interesting and rosy than the current reality. From the victim, you can often hear phrases starting with "here before …" or lamentations like "there was no such slush last year." The victim prefers to complain, swim in the inaccessible, avoiding the accessible. Beyond amplification, the essence of victim memories is to avoid, complain, regret, or blame, and remain in the right mind. The victim can spend hours painting “in his head” dialogues in which he proves his innocence and infallibility, skillfully and clearly pointing out the mistakes to the opponent, waiting for the opponent's surrender in the form of an apology and admission of his mistakes. The victim can also regret a step not taken in time, playing the same story for the thousandth time, or feel sorry for himself, blaming mom, dad, fool - the first husband who "stole" the best years. Memories for the victim are mostly bright polar ones: either black or white; either definitely good or definitely bad.

author

Dreams

Victim

Loves to dream. Prefers fictitious reality to the current one available now. Everything there is much more beautiful, interesting, rainbow, sweeter, wiser, fairer - this is how life looks if you look at the eyes of a victim. A dream for a victim is like a saving pill from the severity and injustice of the surrounding reality - a place where you can warm up, calm down, be quiet, peaceful with yourself. Instead of dreams, the victim can actively run away into plans or thoughts "oh, if only … then I would …"

author

He prefers the current reality, whatever it may be: complex or simple, successfully developing or not so at the moment, the author is ready to stay here, completely in this and meet everything that is here. But it is not inert to meet, not sitting in a safe trench, but to meet in its entirety, living through everything that happens. The author has forgotten how to run away from life, the most interesting thing for the author is to meet with everything that life presents, boldly, sincerely, playfully.

Prayer

Victim

Requests. The context of requests can be very different, from peace on Earth, justice, blessings, changing the situation for the better, eliminating troubles, diseases, to satisfying desires, but this does not change the essence. The essence of sacrifice in prayer is to ask.

author

If a prayer happens to the author, the author thanks. For another, prayer cannot happen to the author.

In relationship

Victim

I got used to need attention, love, care. Directly, without demands, expectations and claims, the victim does not know how to talk about this and does not want to, because this would make the victim instantly the author. Any relationship is perceived through the prism of duty and responsibility. He does not know how to voice his needs, preferring a cozy swamp of manipulation. If the victim has not learned to manipulate, then in the relationship the victim usually takes a passive, weak-willed, indifferent position. But more often the victim just knows how to manipulate, and very well, until he meets the author. And the victim rarely meets the author, more often the victim meets the victim, and in such a mutual symbiosis, which is more similar to mutual parasitism, victims basically exist: demanding, making claims, harboring and continuing to sensitively accumulate mutual dissatisfaction, innuendo and resentment. Often, the victim always leaves a couple or at least one compensation option in his bosom, in case something suddenly happens, well, you never know what … feeling, and not enjoying. The victim at the most acute moment, frightened, will easily run away, run away from sensitive issues that require courage and determination to open up, interact and look for opportunities together. The victim is afraid of utmost honesty and sincerity, because this will automatically require revealing his own cunning, and for those who know how to interact through manipulation, believe me, this is enough. The victim is easily lost among ideas, unable to distinguish where is the idea and where is the reality, the victim easily runs after the jingle of a bell in the neighboring yard, while in his own closet there is a couple of boxes of those bells. The victim is always not enough, something is missing, something is not right, even if at times it is not for long. The victim knows how and loves to notice flaws and with joy one day begins to do this with those who are nearby, while the victim, of course, prefers to remain silent about his own flaws, hide and not notice. The cause of dissatisfaction in the relationship for the victim, as in everything else, is always outside.

author

I forgot how to run away. He is ready to be with everything that is happening, he knows how to rejoice in what is, not to need something else, he knows how to be content and rejoice deeply, sincerely and completely even in the small, if the small is now available. The highest joy is experienced by sharing mutual being with a partner, knows how to be saturated with a simple stay near, knows how to enjoy every moment next to you. The author has forgotten how to blame and be offended, the author prefers to share and interact, prefers to resolve any mutual roughness (and in a relationship, if they are sincere, this is always complete) through contact, through communication and interaction. At the same time, the author has forgotten how to accuse, demand, wait, make claims, but the author knows how to share himself, reveal himself, and, having revealed himself, remain vulnerable, literally skinless. The author knows how to love and be grateful for what is, even though someone nearby can happily take advantage of it.