2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
It seems to me that few people in childhood escaped my mother's displeased exclamation. Russia is not Italy, where everyone speaks in a raised voice. Our screaming is very different from everyday conversation
Society demands so much from mothers that the usual human strength of an ordinary human woman may not be enough even for one child, and even if there are several of them …
I have significantly more women in therapy than men. Everyone has some complaints about their current or former. This is completely normal - we are all different people and our interests sometimes collide like atmospheric fronts. With lightning and showers, where is without them.
Opposite me is a young mother of two babies. Circles under the eyes from lack of sleep and anxiety. "He doesn't think about me, he can't help!" Tells the story of how a negligent husband told about important things and left her sick alone. "I shout to him, and he stands like a statue, shrugs his shoulders and leaves!" And a whole stream of sharp, like a dart, poisonous epithets in the back.
I ask, what did you want from him? It turns out, not so much: to hear, to sympathize, to offer help. Supported, in a word.
And what happens at this moment with the man? Is he really such an insensitive and unshakable rock ensemble?
Let's go back 20-30-40 years ago. Here our hero, sticking out his belly, goes to his mother. They always go to mom. And my mother … Well, let's say, it is bad for her. And for … the twentieth time, my mother can not stand it and makes a noise at him. Bang! Just now everything was fine and there is such a turn! Baby freezes in a column like a meerkat. The reaction is different. You can cry, or you can run away …
He will grow up. And he will meet a woman. And one day a woman from fatigue and an excess of complex feelings will scream. About help. Support me, I'm not doing it!
And the man finds himself in a very difficult situation. An increased displeased tone revives old experiences. Raises from the bottom of the soul all the accumulated dregs. He freezes. Freezes. It goes into itself. And the truth becomes insensitive. But men shouldn't cry and run away. Dead end…
It is a big and painstaking job to separate children's feelings for mom and see this live, complaining and beloved girl. Even if a man knows with his head what is happening, it does not help much. You need to work out your reactions on an emotional and physical level. For example, after a woman's cry, I reflexively shrank and waited for a slap on the back … It is difficult to behave courageously, pressing my head into my shoulders.
A woman's scream works wonders. Rejuvenates 30 years - better than any plastic surgeon. Both him and her. It takes an effort to counter this.
But if it works out, then family life changes dramatically.
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