Parental Settings

2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43

"We all come from childhood" Antoine de Saint-Exupery.

Parental attitudes are a system of stereotyped rules of behavior that can be expressed both verbally (verbally) and not verbally (actions, gestures). Most often, this system of rules is learned by mom and dad from their parents.

Of course, every parent wants his child to grow up happy, develop harmoniously and become a successful, self-sufficient person. We remember that children are very dependent on their parents and when they come to this world, in many respects they are guided by the adults who surround them. Children see the world through the eyes of their parents. And, sometimes, "in the hearts" of a phrase thrown by mom or dad can leave a deep imprint on the soul of a child and have a huge impact on his future life. Adults, your impact on a child's life is enormous! The formed attitude remains with the child throughout his life. And it's good if this attitude turned out to be positive. I suggest that you consider the types of attitudes that can extremely negatively affect the future of the child.

1. Don't live! Doesn't it sound scary ?! “So that my eyes don’t see you”, “I don’t need such a capricious girl”, “Get away from me, as I’m tired of you”, “I’m tired of you”, “I don’t need such a slob”, “I wish I had an abortion "," I didn't want you at all "No matter how angry or angry you are, never, under any circumstances, throw such phrases to a child! The main thing that your child feels is guilt for the fact that he was born into this world. And also resentment and anger. The greatest risk of developing in such a situation is the child's self-destructive behavior. Small, he can often be injured, becoming older to choose drugs, alcohol. And throughout his life he will carry a feeling of uselessness, worthlessness. He will consider that there is nothing to love him for and may well spend his life in order to deserve love, recognition and in all ways will try to prove his worth.

2. Don't be a child! "God, when you grow up!", "Why are you whimpering like a little one?" What do adults tell the child with such phrases? Being an adult is good, but being a child is bad. Dear adults! Do not take childhood away from children. Let them live it. Do not make demands on the baby as an adult. Growing up with such an attitude, a person will experience difficulties in communicating with their own children. And he will also consider it unacceptable to pamper oneself, fool around, commit "not adult actions."

3. Don't covet! "How tired you are with your" Wishlist "" "Wanting is not harmful", "You constantly want something and ask for something." Wanting something for yourself is bad! This is the main takeaway from children. Growing up, they will gladly give themselves to others, their own desires and needs will be leveled by them. Such a person never defends his interests. It is inferior to everyone and in everything.

4. Don't think! “I know how to do it! Not yet mature enough to reason "," There is nothing to be clever. " Parents, giving such an attitude, make children helpless in a situation when it is necessary to think and make a decision. Or they make rash decisions without thinking at all.

5. Don't Feel! “Oh, well, think, fell, why whine” “Aren't you ashamed to be afraid of the dark, you're already big”, “It's a shame to cry! You're a man"

The child unlearns to show emotions and feelings, accumulates all experiences in himself. Believes that there are "good" and "bad" emotions. Subsequently, psychosomatic illnesses or addictions may develop.

6. Don't be yourself! "Look how Masha is a good student, not what you are", "Vanya can fight back, but you are a weakling." "All children sing, dance, but you are not interested." Parents report that there are other children who are more "suitable" for them. From such a child grows up a person who is never pleased with himself, striving for some vague ideal image. Often, such people may have depressive conditions.

7. Don't! "Don't touch the hammer, you'll hit!", "Don't touch anything at all, I'll do everything myself." Growing up, the child will experience difficulties every time he has to do something new. And of course they will suffer from low self-esteem.

8. Don't be a leader! "Why are you always climbing, what do you need most of all?" "Be like everyone else." Dear parents, it is these phrases that kill a child's leadership inclinations! With such an attitude, it is not necessary to dream of a leadership position or a leadership position in a team.

This is, of course, not a complete list of parental settings. Rather, those that psychotherapists most often meet in their work with adults!