"Silent Men" Or Again About Dialogue In A Pair

2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43

"And he doesn't want to discuss anything!" (c) - almost every one of you is in my consultations.

You want to discuss some acute and important situation, but he leaves the conversation, keeps silent and hides behind the phrases “there is nothing to discuss here, drove through” and “so what to discuss, again you will turn everything into a scandal”. Understatement accumulates, the degree of stress grows, the marriage slowly begins to burst at the seams. Sound familiar?

So what kind of trouble is this with our men? Why are many of them so silent and "avoidant" of all these not very pleasant, but very important conversations?

And this is also a gift from parents and Soviet childhood with its system of upbringing, where the boy was brought up “as a man, a warrior and a protector”. And it seems to be great, and it seems to be the way it should be, but all this was put in place with some “bonuses”.

"Men don't cry!" Conversations are a woman's business”- do you hear something familiar? These are the very nails that hold the image of the “Real Man Guy” together.

The child's psyche absorbs all these messages under the general title “don't feel” like a sponge, and translates for itself as follows: “A man should not feel emotions. Their manifestation is weakness. You can't complain. You can't talk about them. If I am not talking about them, then they do not exist. It’s safe to be silent.” And if all this was reinforced in the parental family and the boy saw exactly this behavior of the dad, then how can you expect that as he grows up, he will behave somehow differently?

At this time, the girl, the future wife of this boy, was brought up in a completely different way. She could cry, laugh, be sad, talk a lot, because "you are a girl." Of course, she will also have many “gifts” from her parents, but they are about something else.

And now, many years later, the boy and the girl got married and began to experience colossal communication difficulties. “How can you not talk about it ?? This is important!”. “Why discuss the same thing so many times? I said once. Everyone, let's go. As if in different languages.

What to do?

The girl is to understand the boy first. So far he can only do so. He does not know how otherwise, he has never tried it. Show me how you can. Little by little, starting with some mild topics. Please do not immediately drive over it with a roller with claims and questions. Remember that each of your “we need to talk” is perceived by his brain as “Danger! Let's get into a man's shell!”.

A boy - to understand a girl. She does not “eat your brain”, but tries to solve an important problem for her. Through discussion. This is not a “woman’s tricks”, but a method that is familiar and understandable to her. Adjust the settings. A real Man is a brave man! He openly looks into the face of danger and fearlessly walks home after a text message “honey, we need to discuss something”;))) Bravely opposes arguments, puts forward hypotheses and takes an active part in planning anti-crisis measures for the benefit of ̶r̶o̶d̶i̶n̶y̶ marriage! 💪

Take care of your manly men and talkative girls and remember that an established dialogue in a couple is the most powerful vaccine against many viruses that threaten your relationship 💉