2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
Like many parents, I often wonder what my children will be like when they grow up. At some point, they will definitely seem older than they really are. They already sometimes beat me in verbal battles, and over time there will be much more such situations. Introducing my children as teenagers gives me a kind of parental reference.
I think what I would like for my children when they grow up. I would like them to be kind, honest, fair, respect other people. Accordingly, I need to show kindness, honesty, fairness and respect for others now.
Parents, behave the way you want your children to behave in the future
Nothing motivates you to become the person you would like to be like having children. This applies to various things, including the use of gadgets. So far, my children do not have smartphones and tablets, but of course they will appear in the future. Therefore, now I behave the way I would like my children to behave in the future: I do not take my phone at the dinner table, I never use it when communicating or when I drive a car. In other words, I am trying to be a positive example in this matter.
Recent research shows that it is important not only to be a good example in the long term, but also to help children develop positive habits now.
Parent's phone
50% of parents do not feel emotionally connected with their children even when they are around them
Most people in one way or another face the problem of self-control when using gadgets. For some, this is especially difficult. According to the American Psychological Association, such people experience higher levels of stress (see also the mental health effects of passive facebook use).
The same survey found that almost 50% of parents do not feel emotionally connected with their children even when they are around them - all due to the influence of technology. in parents, increase their stress levels, and also affect the behavior of children.
What research says about the impact of gadgets
Several years ago, a study was carried out that clearly outlined this problem. Dr. Jenny Radeski and colleagues at Boston Medical Center conduct 55 families while eating out.
Not surprisingly, children soon begin to demand attention from their parents more persistently and behave worse.
40 parents (from 55 families) used telephones while eating. The researchers emphasized that they were literally “consumed” with their devices.
Many parents did not respond when their children required attention; answered without taking their eyes off their gadgets. The notes the scientists made during the experiment are both revealing and sad. Here is one of parental indifference (p. 846):
“Mom takes the phone out of her purse and looks at it. A girl (of school age) starts talking to her, but she does not take her eyes off the phone; nods slightly, but does not look at the child and does not answer her. It seems that the mother does not listen to the girl, but sometimes she still drops a few words. The girl is interested in her mother's manicure, continues to ask questions and does not look upset (smile on her face, happy voice), although her mother practically does not speak to her. Mom looks around for a minute, examines the restaurant, and then digs into her phone again. At this time, the girl is spinning in a chair, eating french fries and continuing to ask questions. Mom gets distracted from time to time to grab a potato or quickly say something to a child, and soon returns to the gadget."
Not surprisingly, children soon begin to demand attention from their parents more persistently and behave worse. Scientists have also noticed that if parents are "absorbed" by phones at such moments, they react more harshly to the deteriorating behavior of the child.
Here is one of how the behavior of children deteriorates when parents are "consumed" with gadgets (p. 847):
“A girl (of primary school age) returns to her desk, scratches her head with a fork, looks at her parents. They look at their phones. The girl is holding a cookie that her brother gave her. The father pulls over the table and takes food from his daughter's plate. She frowns and says that this is her food. The father replies: “You don’t eat anyway. Plus, I bought this food, so I will eat it. " She shrugs and continues to eat her cookies. The father scolds the boy for something. Sister and brother look at each other, smiling. The boy decides to throw out the trash. He gets up. Mom all this time looks only at the phone; dad eats, the girl drinks soda. Then she starts playing with noodles. Daddy yells for her to stop. He takes the food from her and wipes the table. The girl speaks, but mostly with her brother. Mom still looks at the phone. Dad talks to the kids, but only to subtract them, and then looks at the food court once again. Mom looks at the phone. Then the father starts looking at mom's phone. The daughter takes her fork and begins to chop the dishes on the table with it. Mom looks at her and scolds her. Daddy tells her to stop, but she continues with a big smile on her face. Mom finally looks up and starts scolding her daughter. She doesn't stop. The fork starts to break, and both parents turn to their daughter, shouting "STOP!" The girl only laughs back, the boy too. … [Later] Mom shows something on her phone. The boy pulls out his hand, the girl hits it and shouts. Daddy tells them to stop. Mom is still looking at her phone. The girl gets up and starts jerking her brother's chair. Daddy tells her to return to her seat in a stern voice. Mom doesn’t look up from the phone.”
These are sad but not surprising observations. Many of us have seen parents or children “spend time with family” without looking up from the phone. Parents often fall prey to these trends themselves, as employers expect people to be in touch with the invention of email and smartphones. Borders as clear as “family dinner” or “working hours” have disappeared. Now all this can be in our pocket.
Enticing Technologies: The Real Problem
All parents face this problem. Beyond the barricades are enticing technologies and companies that make money while our stress and distraction rise. If you want to set a good example for your child, think about what type of behavior you would expect them to do at the dinner table, in the car, in the restaurant.
If you want to set any restrictions on the use of gadgets, be sure that this will improve your relationship with your children.
First posted on Screenfreeparenting
Author: Megan Owens, professor of psychology, writer, teacher, co-founder of the Screen-Free Parenting project. Together with her husband, she brings up children, protecting them from gadgets to the maximum. They also try to help other parents who have similar goals.
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