2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
Yesterday, in a group of parents and teenagers, this sore callus again made itself felt. And it is exacerbated in almost every conversation about child-parent soreness. In 10 points on this topic. I write not so much as a psychologist, but as the mother of the only first-grader at school who does not have a mobile phone, and the mother of a teenager who does not have a single gadget except a mobile phone - so from my own experience.
1) Addiction to gadgets is a real hindrance to living relationships in families. And it concerns both children and parents. You need to start, as always, with yourself. Here, as with smoking: there is little sense from the menacingly prohibiting smoking parent smoker.
2) Addiction to gadgets is a real, but not the only obstacle to living relationships. A big hindrance than gadgets is comparing a child with someone, constant criticism, humiliation, accusations, our own fears, anxieties and resentments that we hang on a child ("They don't marry such", "You should have been an excellent student, otherwise you will work as a janitor "," And I am your age, etc., etc. " And if the child is good with you, then he does not want to sneak away (until adolescence).
3) Most parents give their children double messages: on the one hand, they buy gadgets, on the other, they are at war with them. Decide. Are you worried about your child sitting at the computer for hours on end? Who bought this computer? Who bought the new smartphone? What for?
4) Curiosity is a basic quality, it is important not to kill it. Children are initially lively, inquisitive, eager for communication (remember how they demanded your attention as kids), how did it happen that suddenly he chose to sit in the gadget? Who taught him this? If a child is bored, then there is no task to always entertain him (with the same gadget) - do not kill creativity, he will get bored and bored, and he will find something to entertain himself with. The main thing is that in most cases you are responsive and spend time with him. In general, it is important for a person to learn to occupy himself. By the way, how do you keep yourself occupied?
5) There are no educational functions for computers / smartphones for children. No benefits of gadgets for children overshadow the "exhaust" from them. Motor skills, attention, thinking, speech all develop perfectly well without "miraculous-developing" computer games. Moreover, gadgets reduce cognitive abilities (not a myth, but research results), and the development of emotional intelligence (which is often overlooked altogether) and physical activity are completely contraindicated in virtuality. Let's not be illusory. And the time spent by the child at the computer must be limited. How? You somehow do not allow him to eat kilograms of sweets, drink liters of Coca-Cola. Agree on an acceptable time in advance and keep the boundaries. According to experience, if the requirements and their decisions are not changed, then the children calmly accept them. For example, my children were always allowed one cartoon a day (at least in the movies, at least at home, at least at a party). They do not even question: "one is so alone. This is how it should be, how to brush your teeth."
6) Most often, slipping a tablet into a child is not a desire to develop it, but a) the parent's desire to occupy / distract him with something (so that he falls behind and does not interfere); b) the desire to compensate for their own self-doubt with a fashionable toy, which is available even to a child (wow, we are rich); c) automatism "everyone buys and I buy" (first bought, then realized).
7) The idea that if a child at the age of 5 (7, 10, 12) does not learn how to use computers, then in the modern world he will disappear (read: grow up to be a dEbil) is absurd. The ability to learn simple actions on a computer (even for the pre-retirement age of a parent) is equal to several hours, to more complex ones - several days. The ability to build relationships, negotiate, love takes much more time - it is better to take care of this in advance.
8) If you want your child to leave the computer - think in advance about alternative and worthy options. Communication with yourself, for example (are you funny?), Of course, while you need to be "competitive", to be more interesting than a computer. Are you more interesting than a computer? It is necessary to be interested in the child (and not in why he received two, why he did not clean the room, why he never listens to you), strive to understand what he feels, how he lives, to be with him, play, fool around, fantasize, and not teach, demand, satisfy their own needs, not him. Talk about what is interesting to him, what worries him.
9) If you want your child to leave the computer, be ready to devote time to it. And if "everything has already happened and started", then you will need another carriage and a small cart of patience, your own vitality, optimism and love for him. Remember, children need our love most of all when they least deserve it.
10) children do not learn from someone they do not like (whom resentment / anger / pain interferes with loving). If you want the child to hear you, then first take care of love for him as a constant (that which is invariable. You may be upset by his behavior, but love from this does not disappear, and the child should know about it). Unconditional manifested (and not abstract) love and goodwill in words of encouragement, a warm look, a smile, in spite of anything, even gadgets.
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