Why Is It So Difficult To Wean A Baby

2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43

It is difficult to write on this topic, and even more difficult to wean off - this is not an easy process, but partly useful for both the mother and the child. Just a week ago, I went through it and from fresh memory I want to share some thoughts, findings, and also support moms in this difficult step.

Why is it difficult?

Every mother has her own difficulties. And I think before weaning a baby, you need to think a little about these questions: Do I really want to wean, perhaps someone else in the family wants it? If I want to, what is holding me back from doing it now?

Definitely, there is at least one kind person in the family who will advise you when it is best to stop feeding, perhaps it will be books or other authoritative sources. But you understand that excommunication is not for them, but for you, so why not choose for this the time when you will be psychologically ready for excommunication, well, or you will reach that critical point, as I did, when you realize that you are already tired, but decisiveness is lacking.

Where does the resistance come from?

I'll tell you about the many resistances that I found while working with a psychologist.

1) "It is wonderful to be a nursing mother"

The calming effect of hormones on the mother's body, the basic satisfaction of the maternal instinct, the sea of tender feelings for the baby at the breast, involvement in a certain sacred caste of “nursing mothers”, the approving and caring attitude of society, the health of the child, as well as many practical amenities for feeding and calming the child in anywhere and anytime. Is it weak to refuse all this? It is quite natural that if a woman received all these bonuses, it will be difficult for her to refuse them. In order to take such a step, it is necessary that a critical mass of inconveniences arising with feeding have accumulated: chest pains, dietary restrictions, restless baby sleep, interdependence, lack of freedom, and, in general, common sense.

2) "My child is not yet ready for weaning, when he is ready, he will refuse himself."

I, too, was among those who fell into the trap of this illusion, so I just really want to believe that everything will be resolved by itself. And if you think about it, what kind of normal child would want to voluntarily give up a portion of sweet mother's milk, well, maybe only somewhere by the age of 7.

If you rely on the opinion of psychologists, the best time for weaning is from the moment when the child walked on his own until he began to speak. During this period, the psychological boundaries of the child are formed - he begins to understand what he can and what not. At this time, he is psychologically ready to endure rejection, limitations, moreover, it is useful for his psyche to assimilate in a healthy form the ability to experience his limitations. In a healthy form, it means that an adult directly, without manipulation, informs the child about his limitations and stays close in order to experience his emotions with the child, talk about anger, sadness, resentment, sympathize with the child. During this period, it is important for the parent to remain calm and self-possessed, and if it is difficult, ask for help and support from other adults. It may be difficult for a parent to get through this period because in his childhood he himself did not experience a healthy "weaning".

3) The subconscious desire to always remain a "good mother", the fear of rejecting the child, harming him, traumatizing, destroying something valuable and intimate between you makes excommunication almost impossible.

Such depths can be dug out by working with a psychologist or psychotherapist to help you understand these things and assimilate your personal gaps in the subject of excommunication.

Well, now some practical recommendations for mothers to note

1) Try to wean off gradually. Indeed, there are children whose excommunication is almost imperceptible. In this case, the mother removes one of the feedings once a week. Observe your baby and you will notice that feeding satisfies several of the baby's needs at once - food, drink, comfort, and intimacy (tenderness). Every time a baby asks for a breast, try to guess what exactly he wants most now, and instead of a breast, offer compote, cookies, fruit, or just hug and hold on the arms. If you guess the baby's need, he will turn his attention away from the breast.

In my case, I was able to remove the daytime feedings without tears, but the cessation of nighttime feedings was accompanied by a violent protest. The first night my child practically did not sleep, the whole family carried him in his arms in turn, until he got tired in the morning. In the following nights, I woke up several times and quickly calmed down when I pumped up or picked up.

All children are different, it is important for a mother to let the child go through excommunication in her own way, someone needs more time, someone less. Well, of course, no screams will have a positive effect on the child - drink valerian and attract dad and grandmothers to help.

2) Change the place or setting. A baby has many associations with breasts that can be upsetting. Try to go to your grandmother, to the dacha for this time, change the sleeping room, change the arrangement of furniture, put the child in a separate bed. I would not advise leaving, leaving the child with his grandmother, as he needs your support during this difficult period. And he trite may not understand that you are excommunicating him, but rather think that you have disappeared, and not his chest. On the other hand, I would recommend not to take the whole burden of the process only on yourself, ask for help. In my case, for almost two years I put the child to sleep under the breast, on the very first evening of weaning, naturally, I could not even put my son to bed without her for several hours, and my mother coped with the task in 15 minutes. The baby did not smell milk and a new environment was created. Another find - I began to lay and rock the child, not as always in a horizontal position, in which he demanded a breast by association, but in a vertical position, putting his head on my shoulder. You can also start laying the baby in his crib by stroking and talking to him. Here you need to experiment, looking closely at how calmer the child is.

3) For every fireman, ask your friend for a breast pump. If you decide to remove all night feeds in one go, there is a high probability that the breast itself will not cope with the excess milk and will need to express a little when it starts to stiffen. In general, take care of your breasts.

Finally, I want to say that weaning is the first separation of mother and child, which, in a good way, should give more strength and energy to the child for independence, and the mother more strength to realize her personal life - in work and relationships with her husband.