2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
The fact that parental divorce is painful for children must be taken for granted. A normal child is simply obliged to respond to this crisis and show openly his pain - this is the only way to overcome it. Otherwise, it cannot be "reworked", and then deep scars will forever remain in the child's soul.
Adapting to a changed life situation, the child may show an increase in dependence, the need to control the mother, a tendency to cry and whims, it can also be bedwetting, bouts of rage, etc. Parents, first of all the one with whom the child lives (most often it is the mother), should show unusually much attention and patience in relation to new symptoms in the child's behavior in the first weeks and months after the divorce.
You should talk a lot, daily, hourly, about the same thing, answering the questions: "Why are you not together anymore?" and "Explain to me …" etc. Patiently and lovingly, children should be assured over and over again that they will always be loved, that they will continue to see dad (if this is really so), that they themselves are in no way to blame for the divorce, etc. If children do not ask questions, parents should, for their part, force these conversations, especially when the child's condition clearly betrays his feelings.
It is known that it is easier for us to be imbued with the problems of another person, the better we feel, and certainly not when we are overwhelmed with our own problems. A divorced mother is much less capable of showing maternal feelings than usual. For her, a divorce often means a decrease in the material level, often leads to the loss of social relations, she is acutely worried about unsettled relationships. This adds tension in relations with the ex-husband, the housing issue, the increased workload, as a result of which there is even less time for the children.
After a divorce, the child needs to be actively helped, otherwise the child's feelings, thoughts and fantasies may be repressed, but sooner or later they will return again, albeit in an altered form, namely in the form of neurotic symptoms. In this situation, it is very important for the child to maintain a good and intense relationship with the parent who now lives separately. Sometimes parents need to seek psychological counseling to help their child overcome the post-divorce crisis without traumatic consequences.
The material is taken from the book of Helmut Figdor "The troubles of divorce and ways to overcome them."
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