How To Recognize A Potential Rapist

2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43

A rapist or abuser (from English swearing, insults) is a person whose actions lead to a significant decrease in the partner's self-esteem and self-esteem, bring emotional harm to his psyche, and sometimes physical damage. In this article, we are going to talk about men who can be potentially abusive and how to recognize this in the earliest stages of a relationship.

Now more and more information appears on how to calculate the abuser, but, unfortunately, in all its glory, he manifests himself when a woman is already emotionally attached to him, perhaps it depends financially, there is a common property or children. And her self-esteem, at the same time, has already been undermined enough to decide on a quick exit. Therefore, it is so important to know what to look at in order to track alarm bells at the very beginning of a relationship and avoid falling into this trap.

So you've met the "man of your dreams". Do not rush to dissolve in love and choose names for your future children. If there have already been men in your story who behaved unworthily, offended you, or your father was at times cruel or too cold towards you, you are at risk. Take a sober look at your relationship for any of the following:

1. Charm vs disappointment

Your man tells you that you are the best woman on earth … especially compared to his exes, who, as one, were just awful.

You are beautiful and perfect in everything! And only you can understand it. Finally he found you! It is the exaggerated comparison with others that should alert you. There is an overwhelming charm that will inevitably be followed by disappointment. And you may not be forgiven him.

Another manifestation of the same mechanism: the syndrome of the unrecognized genius. Here you can already see how unlucky he was with people before you, no one saw in him the one you see in him. You want to save him, to justify some of his unseemly actions. This is how the charm of your love works, which makes it difficult to look at a man objectively. Hear what he says about exes, other people who have parted ways. If there are only rascals around him - this is a serious way to think.

2. Childhood story

Ask the man about his childhood. An abuser is a person who has been abused himself, most often by his father or another man. Did he have pets, younger brothers, sisters - what kind of relationship he had with him. You should be alerted if he calmly talks about how he mocked those who are weaker.

An alarming signal, also, if a man is hiding his past, or you caught him in a lie, and he does not feel embarrassed at the same time. Instead, he is inclined to accuse you or prove his case to the last.

3. Control

Almost from the very beginning of a relationship, a potential abuser will try to control you. This can manifest itself in a very quick transition to intimate relationships - so you quickly find yourself in his power. Jealousy, checking where you are and with whom, calling in the evening, isolating you from your friends. There may be manipulations in the sexual sphere, when exactly he decides whether there will be sex or not - he too actively inclines you to him or, conversely, deprives you as a punishment for something.

The desire for power and control is a very clear sign that you should definitely pay attention to. Its origins are in the time when the child felt defenseless. When the current rapist himself was offended, he made a decision that his safety depends on how much he controls others, has power over them. And in another way, he simply cannot feel safe.

4. Depreciation

Other people and their contributions, making fun of your feelings, goals or desires.

If you notice that he allows himself to criticize your clothes, physical features or manners, indicates how to behave correctly, allows you to make comments in public.

- Yesterday at a party you blasted such nonsense …

All this indicates that a person has a distorted idea of what can and cannot be allowed in relation to another person, for him to invade the space of another is normal. If he does not stop doing this after you set the boundaries, or, on the contrary, starts to do it in spite of you, keep in mind that this tendency will only intensify as the relationship strengthens.

5. Abrupt mood swings

Only that he was gentle and caring and suddenly some trifle pissed him off. Moreover, the reason for his rage is always outside. Other people, circumstances, hunger, etc. Check if the man takes responsibility for his conditions or is inclined to blame you for it.

“It’s you who made me angry, I’m not to blame.

Another way to figure out the abuser can be to observe his behavior after drinking, preferably in the company. If a man becomes aggressive, wants to sort things out, fights or is drawn to exploits, this is an alarming sign.

How to behave if you notice any of the above points in the behavior of your chosen one. The most important thing is not to be silent and not tolerate.

At the first episode, stop and tell what exactly you do not like.

Inwardly, be willing to leave early in the relationship when there are warning signs of potential violence. If a man at the very beginning is not ready to take into account your needs and reckon with your feelings, it will only get worse.

If there was a repetition of violence despite the fact that you made it clear that you should not be treated like that, leave without delay.

Remember that you have the right to be respectful of yourself, to a comfortable, trusting relationship that will develop you, not slowly destroy you. Leave without regret, and you will surely meet someone who will be ready for exactly the relationship you dream about, the abuser cannot be remade.