2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
I am a psychologist and I do not help people
Often a psychologist is associated with a person who possesses some secret knowledge and skills. And, having a broad soul and good intentions, he helps people to cope with their troubles. And this is very similar to the truth! Indeed, psychological knowledge opens up a colossally complex and vast world of the psyche for a specialist. And the one with this knowledge looks at the world much wider and deeper. He notices a lot and understands a lot. And a psychologist may want to help other people understand themselves a little more so that they suffer a little less and learn to better deal with their suffering.
But I don't like helping people. For a long time I tried to understand why I do not like the very wording “to help people”. When I am asked in a psychological context if I like helping people, some kind of protest rages inside me. However, I could not understand why and simply answered “Yes, of course”. This is what they expected to hear from me. Because I have chosen the helping profession of a psychologist. So I decided to figure out what was the matter.
And I got it. In my work, I do not help people, I cooperate with my clients. Because help presupposes a patronizing position - I know better, I can do more, I will help, because you cannot cope on your own. And the position of cooperation is an equal contribution to the common cause. Business to improve the quality of life of the client. I am not an expert on the client's life. He is an expert himself. And together we are studying his request on an equal footing, trying to understand his problems, find a solution and move in the direction of the set goals. I do not walk in front of him, I do not lead him, but I walk beside him and I fear him from falling. And even if he stumbles, then I am nearby and do everything in my power for the person to get up on his own. Notice, I do not lend a helping hand. A person must learn to cope with difficulties on their own so that in the end they do not need the help of a psychologist. In this I see my task. So that the client does not need me.
Help for me is something disinterested. Or there is self-interest, but implicit and not momentary. And psychological counseling and psychotherapy is still a job for which I get paid. And precisely because a psychologist is perceived as a person who loves to help others, there are often unpleasant situations with potential clients. For example, a person writes that he needs psychological help. I tell him the price of my services (the price is average in the market of my city among specialists with similar experience and education), but the person is surprised and says that it is expensive. Yes, he has the right to say so and refuse the service. But some people went further and brought up the question of why it is so expensive and what could be bought for this money. Other people simply devalued the work of a psychologist with the phrase "Yes, it is expensive to talk now." And all because a psychologist is perceived as a person who must help everyone and everyone almost free of charge, because he himself chose his destiny - to help others.
Therefore, I repeat, I do not help people. I do my job and get paid for it. And the client does his part of the work: he reflects and learns himself, answers questions, does various exercises and techniques, carries out an action plan specially developed with him and for him, which will lead him to the set goals, learns to be aware of and live his feelings and catch harmful ones. thoughts. Learns to be the master of his life. And yes, he pays me money for it. For not helping him.
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