About Resentment And Forgiveness. Flies From Cutlets

2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43

The mouthpiece of the Universal Reason - the Internet buzzed all our ears that it is not good to hold an offense, and we should forgive.

I largely agree that it is a useful thing, offended and hidden avengers are not the most pleasant people, both for themselves and for others.

But there is one catch here that many non-advanced psychology users stumble over:

when you forgave someone - you stopped holding a grudge (for example, because you got into a position, understood the motives of the act), then, as it were, immediately gave the "keys to your doors" …

for example - having forgiven, for some reason felt guilty for what happened..

having forgiven, again found themselves in a situation of insecurity from repeating the same actions

here's how to forgive, how not to be offended … ???

I suggest you separate these concepts.

Resentment is ALWAYS nothing more than our frustrated expectations.

To part with the illusion that someone owes you something is quite simple. For - he invented himself, he himself and ras-invented, back.

Resentment is a friend of a sense of uniqueness.

Behind the insult are only your personal fantasies-expectations-notions-illusions. It is sad to refuse them, but it is quite tolerable, and this makes us more mature, stronger - the habit of relying on ourselves (and I hear voices - I didn’t come up with it, I didn’t dream up - he promised me, he swore, he swore !!! that one can believe in these vows. I thought of it, because in fact his actions spoke of completely different prospects)

Resentment is something that is only within you and is inherent only in yourself. You can be offended regardless of the actions / inactions of the other person. Resentment blocks the ability to rejoice and enjoy, blocks development, weighs on the bearer himself, and therefore, with resentment, one must find a way to part always.

Forgiveness is different. To begin with, forgiving is not really our diocese at all (God will forgive). Forgiving is really - nullifying resentment and returning the relationship to its previous level, re-opening the credit of trust to another.

And this is where the trap lies - it can be scary to drop your resentment = forgive. And then offense becomes the only possible shield, protector, armor, through which no pain will be hit, but caresses, warmth and goodness also do not penetrate …

Try (and you will succeed) to part with resentment, relieve your soul from blackness, but with forgiveness - do not rush.

I realized this thing:

- there is forgiveness as a return

- there is forgiveness, like a process, like a ladder, on which it is important just to walk, not to stand still, but not to strive for a result, to forgive, but in small steps within oneself so that fear does not roll over

- it happens that it is not necessary and even impossible to forgive

Yes Yes. It is not necessary and even impossible to forgive, for example, the destruction of the civilian population during the war. Even a monument is erected so as not to forget about this unforgiveness. Do not forgive betrayal, deception, use.. Do not be offended by them, but do not forgive either. Find inside yourself this golden mean, when there is no gravity of offense-claims, but there is no substitution for a new danger.

Allowing yourself not to forgive is often very helpful in letting go of resentment.