How Parents Can Improve Their Child's Self-esteem

2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43

How parents can improve their child's self-esteem

Self-esteem is a person's idea of himself, of his own value in the world. It consists of how we evaluate our actions, our character, our abilities and other mental phenomena. It is formed in early childhood, and parents play a crucial role in its formation. This means that they can quite successfully influence its increase. And I will try to explain exactly how you can do this.

Self-esteem is of three types: overestimated, adequate and underestimated. This article focuses on the child's low self-esteem. It is she who most of all worries parents and largely limits the child on the path to the development of a harmonious personality.

Children with low self-esteem are characterized by anxiety, lack of confidence in themselves, in their own abilities and actions, they tend not to trust people and do not count on their support. All this leads to a feeling of loneliness and self-inferiority. The child withdraws, avoids communication for fear of rejection, rejection. Such children are touchy and non-contact, they do not adapt well to new conditions. When performing any activity, they initially focus on failure, refuse to take risks, which significantly limit their lives. Such children are in danger of forming the attitude "I am bad", "I can not do anything", "I am a loser."

At adequate self-esteem child creates an atmosphere of honesty, responsibility, compassion and love around him. He feels appreciated and respected. Such children believe in themselves, their strength, are able to make decisions, are able to adequately respond to mistakes in their work. They feel their own worth, and therefore are ready to appreciate those around them. Such a child does not have serious obstacles that prevent him from experiencing a variety of feelings for himself and others. He accepts himself and others as they are. It is this self-esteem that is important to strive for.

If you find that your child's self-esteem is low - start to act. Self-esteem grows in proportion to the difficulties overcome. The more difficulties the child overcomes, the more confident he is in his own abilities. Act carefully (let's try again, let's do it together). It is important here to support your child, to believe that he can, even if he does not succeed the first time. Try to share your experience of overcoming difficulties, how you dealt with failure, and at the same time did not despair, but tried again and again. It is very important for schoolchildren peer opinion - classmates, friends. Take a close look at who your child is communicating with and if their low self-esteem is the result of negative peer attitudes. If it turns out that this is really so, immediately take action, stand up for your own child. Try to identify competitive your child's advantage, and develop it. Perhaps your child is good at singing, dancing, perhaps he has an ability for languages or creativity, try to develop this. It will be easier for a child to endure failures, knowing that there is already something in which he compares favorably with others.

Do not do what the child can do do it yourself … Suggest, direct, but don't. Try to provide sufficient, but not excessive, support.

A significant increase in self-esteem occurs at the moment of transition from the position "I cannot" to the position "I myself am able to cope with my life difficulties." Do not ruin this moment with your own excessive zeal.

To help your child increase their own value, you need to:

1. First of all, analyze your behavior and how you communicate with your child. Eliminate accusatory intonation and negative predictions. Be attentive to the child's successes, even the smallest ones, rejoice and praise the child for them. This will teach him to feel the taste of victory and increase his confidence in himself and his strength.
2. It is necessary to allocate a feasible area of responsibility. Give assignments that the child can handle on their own (watering flowers, feeding the cat, dusting, vacuuming, washing dishes, etc.). Remember to thank him for his help by telling him how important this is to you. Inform him that you need his help.
3. Consult with the child, ask his opinion. If possible, even act according to his advice. Don't be afraid to appear weak in front of him.
4. Refuse excessive criticism. If you endlessly repeat to your child that he does not know anything, does not know how and that he never succeeds, then it is quite possible that one day he will really believe in it, and then problems with self-esteem are guaranteed to him. This is more of a preventive measure, but extremely important. It is important to criticize the act itself, not the child itself. It is important for your child to know that you love and appreciate him, despite criticism for his mistakes.
5. Analyze with your child what new things he has started to get, where he is making progress. It is important not to compare the child with other children; instead, it is much more useful to compare his current progress with past experiences. Notice what your child is growing up in.
6. Teach your child to take care of himself, to do something pleasant for himself, to be able to please himself.
7. Show optimism to your child. Eternal dissatisfaction with everyone and everything, anyone will turn into a dull grumbling.
8. Collect your child's successes. You can keep a special notebook or diary where you will celebrate together, write down his successes.
9. Don't ignore your child's fears, talk about them and be supportive.
10. Allow yourself to be imperfect, and then your child will not be so demanding of himself.
11. Encourage the child to take initiative.
12. Analyze with the baby his failures, making the right conclusions. You can tell him something by your example, so the child will feel an atmosphere of trust, he will understand that you are closer to him.
13. Try to accept your child as he is.

Of great importance in the formation of a child's self-esteem is the adult's interested attitude, his approval, praise, support and encouragement. If the child does not receive timely approval in the process of activity, he has a feeling of insecurity.

However, praise must also be correct. Vladimir Levy, author of the book "The Unstandardized Child", believes that no need to praise the child in the following cases:

1. For what has been achieved not by their own labor - physical, mental or mental.
2. Not to be praised beauty, health. All natural abilities as such, including a kind disposition.
3. Toys, things, clothes, accidental find.
4. You cannot praise out of pity.
5. From a desire to please.

It is important for parents to search for the talent of their own child, those abilities that can be developed. The child's desire for self-expression should be encouraged. In no case should a child be told that he cannot become a great singer, dancer, etc. With such phrases, you not only discourage the child from striving for something, but also deprive him of self-confidence, underestimate his self-esteem, and reduce motivation. One way to praise might be prepaid expense, or praise for what will come. Approval in advance will instill in the kid confidence in himself, his strength: "You can do it!". "You can almost do it!", "You will definitely cope!", "I believe in you!", "You will succeed!" etc. Praise a child in the morning - this is an advance payment for the whole long and difficult day.

An important role in the formation of self-esteem is played not only by reward, but also by punishment. When punishing a child, it is important to remember:

1. Punishment should not harm health - neither physical nor psychological.
2. If there is a doubt, to punish or not to punish - don't punish … No "prevention". The child should be warned about possible punishment, it should not be unexpected.
3. At one time - oh bottom punishment … The punishment can be severe, but only one, for all at once.
4. Punishment - not at the expense of love and attention … Keep your child warm and social.
5. Never don't take things awaydonated by you or anyone else - never!
6. Can cancel punishment, but here it is important to explain to the child why you did this.
7. Better not to punish than to punish too late. Late punishments inspire the child with the past, do not allow him to become different.
8. Punished - Forgiven … If the incident is over, try not to think about "old sins".
9. No humiliation … If the child thinks you are unfair, the punishment will backfire.
10. Don't punish your child in front of other people.
11. Don't punish the child if he is not feeling well or sick, or after physical or mental trauma.
12. Do not punish for the child cannot cope with fear, inattention, with mobility, with irritability, with any defect, making sincere efforts. And in all cases when something does not work out.
13. Before punishing a child, it is important to clarify and understand the internal motives of the child's action. If they are not clear, do not punish.

There are special games designed to correct a child's low self-esteem. I will give an example of some of them:

1. Piggy bank of achievements

This is a very good game that should grow into the habit of seeing and appreciating your little wins every day. You can really achieve such a seemingly global goal if you systematically use this game technique. In the future, you can replace it with an oral discussion of your daily achievements.

So, take some cardboard box or a capacious jar and, together with your child, arrange it as he would like the piggy bank to look like his main values - small and large success in his own life. Perhaps, on the surface of this piggy bank, drawings will appear, reflecting objects that are somehow connected with the concept of "success", or they will just be pretty patterns. Leave the choice for the boy or the girl. Prepare small pieces of paper separately. Now enter the rule: when a child returns home, he must remember and write on this piece of paper some evidence of the success he has achieved today. So, phrases will appear on the notes: "I read the poem at the blackboard well", "I drew an excellent drawing on the theme" Autumn "," I gave a gift to my grandmother, which she really liked "," Still I was able to write a mathematics test for "five", although he was afraid "and many others. These records are put in the piggy bank of achievements. It is important that even in the most dysfunctional day, the child can find something that he succeeded." their strengths, especially if parents and other family members treat his small victories with respect (and not from the height of their years and experience).

You can turn to this piggy bank when it seems to the child that he has met with insurmountable difficulties for him, or during periods when his critical look is directed at his abilities and he sees himself as a worthless loser. During these times, it is helpful to remember that your child has a history of overcoming difficulties and achieving success. This will help him tune in to a positive mood.

2. Star of apartment number 10

(The number must match the number of your apartment)

Although this game is aimed at helping a child, it is intended, rather, for adults. It is they who must reinforce the child's self-esteem, show him all the best that is in him.

Create a small stand in your apartment dedicated to your child. Specify the time of its use, let's say a week or two. During this period, your child will become the "star of your apartment", as all other household members will follow his progress, celebrate his dignity. Place a photograph of the child in the center of the stand. Next, glue the petals on which you will make notes (you can also make a simpler version, it will be more pleasant for middle-school students - in the form of a fence on which everyone writes what they want and in any place). During the specified time, inscriptions made by family members should appear on this stand concerning both the permanent characteristics of the child, which they value, and those achievements and good deeds that they have noticed during the current day. If desired, the child himself can add any note about himself.

If there are several children in your family, then, of course, you need to create the same "star" stand for others, but you need to use them in turn - the "star of your apartment" should feel its exclusivity and uniqueness during the time allotted to it, get full volume attention of loved ones, at least in the game without sharing it with brothers and sisters. After the stand expires, it is given to the child himself as a souvenir, and he, if he wants, can place it in his room.

3. Sunshine

This is a great game that allows each person to get approval from others in order to feel loved, needed, and successful. Therefore, it must be carried out in an atmosphere of benevolence, surrounded by people important to the child. A perfect occasion for this is a child's birthday. You can organize this game when small and large guests are full and ready for communication and entertainment.

Switch their attention to the child with the words: "Look, our birthday boy is completely cold. Let's play the game" Sunny "and warm him all together!" Sit all guests in a circle (if there are not enough chairs, you can stand or sit on the floor). Place your child in the center. Give each guest one colored pencil. Explain that this is a ray of sunshine. It can be presented to the chilled person with kind words, saying that the guest likes the birthday boy, for which he can be respected. Set an example yourself by saying one compliment sentence to your child and giving him a ray. The one who is being warmed should not forget to say "thank you", you can add "very nice" if he is especially happy to hear something. Then all the guests in a circle say something good and give the child their pencil. During this, the child turns to face the speaker. Young guests attending the holiday may also have a desire to be "warmed up", to be in the spotlight. You can provide them with this opportunity by repeating the game, or you can leave it for such special occasions, promising the children that there will be many more interesting games (do not forget that the promises given to the children must be immediately fulfilled).

4. Complete the sentence

No matter how many people around tell the child about how wonderful he is, the most important is the moment when the child accepts their opinion and agrees that he really has a number of advantages and deserves respect. So this game is a good way to check what your child has accepted for himself and how it affected his self-attitude.

Take the ball. Explain to the child the rules of the game: you will throw the ball to him and start a sentence, and he must throw it back, naming the ending that came to his mind. All suggestions will concern the child. The same "beginnings" can fly to the child several times, but the "endings" invented by him should be different. Now throw a ball to the child with the words: "I can …", "I can …", "I want to learn …". Repeat each beginning of the sentence several times so that the child realizes how much he can do, which he usually did not think about, and after all, he once learned it.

Thus, I wish you to become a wizard for your own child, giving the value of yourself to your own, most dear person! It's within your power! Turn into yourself and into your own child!