"Borderline" Family. Features Of The Border Organization Of Personality

2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43

"In each of us there are borderline ways of responding. For some, they are deeply hidden and manifest only in crises, trauma, stressful situations. would be called "borderline personality organization"

I. Yu. Mlodik

The theme of borderline personality disorder (BPD) revolves around the themes of codependency, loneliness, depression, separation

Very often people around treat people with BPD as people with bad character, abomination, disobedience. In this respect, misunderstanding and criticism are manifested. Many do not even suspect that this behavior is the result of severe emotional pain and the decompensation of personality disorder.

In modern science and practice, they come to understand BPD from the point of view of a biopsychosocial model, where the disorder is viewed as a multifactorial mental disorder that leads to personality maladjustment. This article focuses on the socio-psychological reasons for the formation of BPD and the mental characteristics of people with BPD.

Separately, I would like to say that in the classification of the ICD (International Classification of Diseases) the diagnosis: "borderline personality disorder" is not indicated. In the United States, “BPD is a relatively new phenomenon in psychopathology. It was not included in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM) published by the American Psychiatric Association until 1980, when the next revised edition, DSM-III, appeared”(Linen, 2007) [1] …

BPD is a personality disorder that is quite complex in structure and symptomatology. It is very common in modern society and, unfortunately, the lives of people with BPD are often fatal. In this regard, a detailed study of this disorder is relevant in order to develop therapeutic, prophylactic and rehabilitation measures.

What is borderline personality disorder?

A very precise definition of borderline personality disorder is given in her research by Marsha Lainen (2007), where it is stated that BPD is characterized by:

1. Emotional dysregulation. Emotional reactions are highly reactive. There is episodic depression, anxiety, irritability, as well as anger and its manifestations.

2. Dysregulation of interpersonal relations is characteristic. Relationships with other people can be chaotic, stressful, or complex. People with borderline personality disorder often find it extremely difficult to end relationships; instead, they can go to extraordinary lengths to keep the individuals that matter to them close to them (people with BPD are generally quite successful in stable, positive relationships, but fail otherwise).

3. Patterns of behavioral dysregulation are characteristic, as evidenced by extreme and problematic impulsive behavior, as well as suicidal behavior. Attempts to self-harm and suicide are common among this category of patients.

4. Periodic cognitive dysregulation is observed. Short-term, non-psychotic forms of thought dysregulation, including depersonalization, dissociation and delusional states, sometimes arise from stressful situations and usually disappear when the stress passes.

5. Dysregulation of the sense of "I" is widespread. Individuals with BPD often claim that they do not feel their “I” at all, complain of a feeling of emptiness and do not know who they are. In fact, BPD can be considered a common disorder of both regulation and self-perception (Grotstein, 1987) [1].

It is interesting to study the families where people with BPD lived and were raised, since this, to some extent, explains the peculiarities of their behavior. The study of the factors contributing to the formation of the "borderline" structure is a rather complex and serious problem that scientists have been studying for more than a dozen years. Let's try to consider aspects of family relationships in people with BPD.

In families of people with BPD, children will be forced to become "dolls" who, of course, should not bring their will, desires, needs and feelings into the game.

In addition, they have another difficult duty: to support the illusion of your successful parenting in every possible way. Somehow this is probably how the inheritance of this "fictitiousness" takes place. It’s like a child, as it were, grows up and becomes, as it were, an adult who, for some reason, also finds it difficult to live, it’s painful to raise their children, although times have changed, and diapers instead of diapers have long been, and there is no need to cook mashed potatoes [3, p. fifteen]. Such fictitiousness, imitation instead of becoming as a symptom of borderline then begins to manifest itself not only in parenting, but also in various spheres of life. And then the expanse of consequences is sad. Confident that she brings up well, screaming, degrading teacher. Rather destroying health than restoring it by his intervention, a doctor. A journalist juggling or even inventing "facts" [3, p. 19] The life of “as it were” children subsequently leads to the life of “as it were” adults, “as it were” professionals, “as it were” parents.

According to I. Yu. Mlodik, “in order to grow up, you first need to be a child, because it is children who, passing the natural path of growth and maturation, become“high-quality”and not“fictitious”adults” [3, p. nineteen]

The borderline parent does not feel well the difference between feelings and personality, confuses feelings and actions, roles, tasks, goals. It is difficult for him to help his child to share feelings and qualities. The borderline parent is much more likely to fall into affect, and there he is not up to the nuance proceedings [3, p. 62].

Borderline parents very often violate the boundaries of their children

Adults do not consider it shameful to investigate a teenager's school backpack for crime, read his diary, get into the mail, account on social networks. Humiliation and powerlessness, a feeling of insecurity in one's own home, the inability to protect what is dear to the child, embitters him and makes him suspicious of others, avoiding or aggressive towards them. In his view, the world ceases to be disposed to him and safe, especially the world of close relationships, or gives him permission to also break the boundaries of other people [3, p. 63].

In most borderline-organized families, for various reasons, the natural child development and maturation is disrupted. The first type of such families: infantile parents, for some reason unable to fulfill their parental responsibilities, and early adults, as it were, children [3, p. sixteen].

In families of the second type, parents are not interested in growing up their own children; as a result, children remain infantile, unable to grow up. Mom continues to raise a baby or toddler, no matter how old he is [3, p. 17]

Such families are two variants of extremes: either it is the lack of satisfaction of the child's needs and the imposition of a burden that is beyond his strength for his age, or it is overprotectiveness, where sometimes the cult of the child arises in families and worship reigns (“everything for children”). As a result, a person will grow up who is not capable of maturity, independence and making responsible decisions in life.

Very often in families of people with BPD, the house becomes a source of danger. There is violence, misunderstandings, conflicts, etc.

What can begin to happen to the psyche if suddenly the house becomes a place of complete unpredictability and threat?

1. The first one is to decide: if I am beaten and humiliated, it means that I am somehow different, deserving of such treatment, such a family. This means that I either live in depression all my life and it is advisable not to show myself to other people, so as not to feel colossal, unbearable shame and guilt for the damage that I cause to the world by my existence. Or with my whole life, every minute to prove to the world and everyone around that I am not so terrible. I will be helpful, kind, strong, intelligent and compassionate, and I will deserve to be treated well. Then I can again be, live, want, get my right to safety, relaxation and peace.

2. Decide that they are terrible. They are not my parents, I will expel from communication, psyche, cut off, not take seriously. I will run away from home, devalue, throw out, pretend that they are not.

In one case, I am not, or I still have to earn my right to be, in the other case, they are not [3, p. 22]

Thus, the child begins to live in a new pseudo-reality that allows him to survive. Find some kind of explanation, support, get rid of the inconsistency, which is not possible to accept and process without outside help, while you are small [3, p. 23]

Any tragedy can be "normal" if you experience it as a complex event for everyone, evoking a variety of feelings and requiring involvement, decisions, actions and explanation, at least for children. The named, the described, the explained ceases to hang in the human psyche as something cloudy, endlessly and without edge, it acquires a name and a border, and then it can already be experienced [3, p. 31]

Without discovering "I am sick," it is impossible to begin treatment. Without calling violence violence it is impossible to stop it [3, p. 31]

It is important to competently relive the tragedies that have happened, but often people with BPD use compensation in the form of various addictions (psychoactive substances, alcohol, love addiction, co-dependence, etc.) in order to somehow cope with difficulties and drown out unbearable pain.

If you have someone with you, you know - as you are already ready to experience it, and not to run away into a wide variety of compensation and protection, this can be done either with a psychologist (psychotherapist), or with a stable adult [3, p. 31]. And therein lies the adult solution, which often people with BPD are not always capable of. In severe pain, adults with BPD begin to self-destruct and self-harm. This allows them to endure pain, survive.

Self-harm in BPD can manifest itself in a variety of ways

A vivid expression of self-harm is suicide.

Self-harm can be conditionally divided into self-destructive behavior aimed at destroying oneself:

1. self-harm of a physical nature - cuts, burns.

2.taking a large number of drugs, poisoning

3.abuse of surfactants or alcohol

4. Interpersonal self-harm, when a person with BPD provokes other people to various humiliations, insults, etc. That is, he plays out situations of humiliation that were once in the past, maybe in his family, at school, in kindergarten, in the yard, when communicating with other people. All this causes a lot of pain.

Self-harm is preceded by pronounced anxiety, anger, aggression. People with BPD can find it unbearable to endure pain. People around say to such a person: "Calm down!" For a person, it sounds like "swim!" in a situation where he cannot swim or how to "ride a bike", when he does not know how to keep balance and at the same time pedal, look at the road and go straight. People with BPD do not have certain skills and for this reason they are unable to calm down or calm themselves down. They need to be taught the skills of coping with stress, the skills of emotional regulation, using a special guide for training skills [2], as well as teach them to accept help, not to reject those who seek to help.

In addition to self-harm or suicidal tendencies, people with BPD also suffer from interpersonal communication disorders.

For a borderline organized person, communication is too unpredictable and therefore extremely disturbing. Therefore, as soon as the close “Other” moves away even a little into his inner space, it causes so much anxiety and pain that the “border guard” is ready to immediately expel him from the relationship. Either separateness or merging. Either black or white [3, p. 39].

It is very difficult for "border guards" to get rid of the illusion that guarantees can always be obtained by some means. And without guarantees there is no support, trust, tranquility, life, and therefore the situation is unbearable for them when guarantees cannot be obtained. When they encounter her, they prefer to break off relations, and therefore, in the end, they often remain alone [3, p. 39]

The connection is something that we really need, but that may turn out to be unstable, break, because there, at the other end of our connection, is the “Other”, and he can make free decisions. And this fact makes being in touch with someone for ordinary people - interesting, exciting, always different, pleasantly unpredictable, and for a "border guard" - impossible, almost destructive, intolerable. This is because he does not have any resilience and confidence in his ability to tolerate such risks. In this place, he remained a small, dependent child. And therefore he only needs guarantees. Any changes are hard to bear horror [3, p. 40]. Such people need predictability, stability and calmness in interpersonal relationships and the world around them.

People with BPD lack stability and cannot feel comfortable due to their mental characteristics.

To help these people, it is important to pay attention to psycho-educational moments and competently build communication with them.

Here are some guidelines for communicating with someone with BPD:

1. It is not necessary to convince a "border guard" who is not in close relations with you unnecessarily. You should not think that by expanding his consciousness, you are doing a good deed. Most likely, you only undermine his defenses, cause a storm of emotions, which he is not a fact that he will be able to process. If you have not been asked, it is worth refraining p.46

2. Try to treat the person with care, even when he is in strong anger and aggressive attitude. It is necessary to speak softly and maintain a benevolent tone of dialogue.

3. It is necessary to reveal facts and talk based on factual information, since people with BPD have a tendency to fantasize, to perceive information incorrectly, to distort facts due to emotional tension and stress.

4. Try to form in a person “the ability to recognize to what extent he does not control himself. This is an opportunity to have a mature "ego" and be able to manage with different parts of yourself, without cutting them off, not dissociating, without breaking ties with others, without remaking yourself and others, but more or less consciously making your own choices, reacting accordingly to the situation, treating with respect and interest in yourself, your loved ones and the world”[3, p. 48], it is possible to help understand oneself, realize reality, realize this ability, including with the help of competent psychotherapy. This will take a long time. Often people with BPD say that they have been practicing for a year or two and do not see any results. It is important to remember that people with BPD often devalue themselves and their results, as people in their past have done. BPD therapy differs in duration, and therefore it is necessary to set the person up for long-term work (about 7-10 years), explaining that mistakes and disruptions are inevitable and this is a normal work process.

In case of stress and trauma, people with BPD need and need to:

• Provide a safe environment.
• Eliminate sources of negative information, stress, additional mental trauma (care of a loved one, ignorance, insults, etc.), potential events that can cause pain.
• It is necessary to surround the person with care.
• It is necessary to build boundaries in communication where a person could feel comfortable.
• To enable a person to talk about what worries and worries him. Including, to give the opportunity to speak out memories of traumatic events (via Skype, e-mail or in person).
• Give clear instructions to the person and supervise their implementation, since during this period the resources of people with borderline personality disorder (BPD) are limited to such an extent that they are not able to follow the instructions on their own.
• Do not say anything admonishing, shaming. During this period, the so-called "mental agnosia" arises and mentalization is disturbed. A person perceives all spoken words from the point of view of a traumatic experience, inadvertently changes speech and written lexical structures, and incorrectly perceives the essence of what was said.
• During a period of mental trauma, it is best to stay calm around such a person, sometimes just be silent and be around.
• Organize the work of the person with BPD with a good psychotherapist, where he can speak out traumatic experiences in a safe environment.
• Exclude from therapeutic work exercises that return a person to any situation of stress and trauma. Even if the traumatic or stressful events happened a long time ago.
• Relaxation activities are recommended.

If a person has a strong psyche, then normally it should recover in the period from 8-10 months with the organization of safe conditions, including work with a psychotherapist.

During a period of acute trauma, skill training exercises will be ineffective, with the exception of some distress management exercises. A person with an inflamed psyche will not be able to fully perceive and assimilate information from skills training.

In extreme cases, with a protracted course of reactions to stress and mental trauma, it is necessary to organize medical care for a person with BPD (treatment and follow-up by a psychiatrist).

It is necessary not to remain indifferent to the person with BPD during the period of mental trauma. Treat the person's condition with understanding and empathy, as people with BPD may have behavior that is dominated by aggression and suspicion.

It is important not to come into conflict with a person and not succumb to the provocations of the conflict. Remain calm and try to be helpful. It is necessary to provide social support for people with BPD (relatives, loved ones, friends, psychologists, psychotherapists). These guidelines will allow you to act constructively in different situations so as not to hurt the person with BPD.

It should always be remembered that people with BPD have a very sensitive psyche, “they are the psychological equivalent of third degree burn patients. They just are, so to speak, without emotional skin. Even the slightest touch or movement can create tremendous suffering”[4, p. 10].

People with BPD have the following mental characteristics:

1. Dislike for doubts and questions.

"Border guards" do not like questions and doubts. They unsettle them too much. They need certainty. This, of course, leads to a narrowing of consciousness, simplification, harsh judgments, quick answers, but it eliminates the search, anxiety, uncertainty and threat [3, p. 45].

2. Inconsistent and inconsistent behavior. Despite the fact that "border guards" strive to find simple answers and love unambiguity, they themselves often behave very contradictory and inconsistent [3, p. 47]. Growing up, an adult "border guard" does not understand why in certain circumstances he acts so strange: he destroys everything when he wants everything to work, screams and kicks out when he loves, quarrels with everyone when he wants to be accepted [3, c. 47].

3. Desire to destroy the close relationships of others. Have a tendency to destroy the close relationships of others:

For a "border guard", an alien union is always a threat to be alone, out of joint, and there is only one step to exile. A subconscious, and sometimes a conscious desire to break all strong alliances, that is, to attack someone else's connection, is made from a desire to find security, to defend oneself. Often behind this, there is a high anxiety, colossal self-doubt, an intolerable fear of abandonment and a great desire to control [3, p. 51].

4. Placement in another of their experiences. Among the "border guards", due to their small container, the word "experience" in general has a very negative connotation. To worry is not only bad, but almost murderous, from this they practically die. Their whole life is often built around avoiding worries [3, p. 55]. For them, to begin to worry is almost the same as to begin to disintegrate. After all, if the feelings are "big" and they do not fit, then there is no other way, the heart may "burst" or the psyche will begin to disintegrate [3, p. 55]. The way to get rid of unnecessary worries is to put them in another person. This is perfectly obtained using the projection mechanism [3, p. 56]. The small ability of "border guards" to experience their material leads to the fact that they often do not feel included in life, live by avoiding, being involved in the life of others. But at the same time they often demand that these close others in no case "make them worry" [3, p. 61].

5. Problems with "borders". Almost any borderline-organized person is not good at friends with the rules. Sometimes he is overly fixed on the rules, and they become more important than what they are established for, become rigid and rigid, “killing all living things” in him and in other people [3, p. 64]. The desire to "demolish" the borders is the way of the "border guard", again, to exercise so much necessary omnipotent control over the Other in order to be safe. The presence of boundaries in other people, especially when they use them for refusal, causes a strong affect in the “border guards”, often anger [3, p. 64]. Refusal he will perceive as a rejection of himself, his entire essence, as a refusal to be in a relationship [3, p. 65]. A “border guard” in a refusal can hear: “They do not help you, because you are disgusting, terrible, no one wants to deal with you” [3, p. 65], “no one will communicate with you … you are dirty, bad”.

6. Idealization and depreciation. The "border guard" lives in a world of unambiguously "good" and clearly "bad" [3, p. 68]. He will with great enthusiasm to fight "evil" in his own special way, often violating the laws of moral ethics [3, p. 70]. The “border guard” model is to unambiguously devalue and sharply break [3, p. 71].

7. Lack of ability to see the situation as a whole. Captured by affect. Such a person in different situations seems to be in different parts of his "I", thinks, feels, acts from some, and then - from other parts - is horrified, ashamed, feels guilty. And each time these are the strongest feelings, painful experiences and vivid passions [3, p. 76]. Other people may have opposite reactions. They do not allow themselves to “get frosty when others do it in front of his eyes. But his fear of falling into affects and a clear reluctance to allow this do not save him from sudden breakdowns, outbursts, breakdowns, and his way of then punishing himself for this can be extremely sadistic [3, p. 77].

8. Emptiness. A feeling of emptiness is common in people with BPD. Emptiness as a lack of response from within, disconnection from oneself is a difficult experience, although outwardly it may not manifest itself. Such a person is in constant despondency, nothing pleases him. No novelty and pleasant events touch him and do not allow him to revive, rejoice [3, p. 77].

9. Avoidance and helplessness. Uses the avoidance model, feels helpless. One possible sensation around a borderline-organized person is that of non-presence. When you are next to such a person, at times you want to sleep or leave, despite the fact that he seems to be conducting a dialogue with you, the feeling that there is a “talking head” with you [3, p. 79].

10. Psychosomatic diseases. Because of the small container, polar emotions, immature defenses, strong affects, "border guards" more often than neurotics are prone to psychosomatic diseases. If the "border guard" grew up with borderline parents, then he most likely could not get the experience of shared and lived feelings. To cope means to cut off and suppress [3, p. 80-81], and this is a direct path to psychosomatics. Such people often complain about their health, go to doctors who, with additional examinations, deny the presence of diseases of specific organs and systems of the body.

In general, the behavior of people with BPD resembles the poles, where there is always "north" and "south", opposites, extremes. It is quite difficult for such people to live in the world around them. They often feel loneliness, misunderstanding on the part of other people, vivid emotions, pain. Of course, this article does not provide a full range of feelings, sensations, and possible worldviews in people with BPD. However, this information can help you try to “speak the same language” with the person with BPD.

If a therapist (or another adult) appears in the life of a "border guard" who is able to maintain, be a regular, stable and high-quality presence, then this allows him not only to gain experience of relationships, which will then become the basis of relationships with other loved ones, but also to gain many socially important skills [3, p. 83].

At the end of the article, a list of foreign literature on BPD is presented. I hope that some books will allow you to better understand such people, interact with them more successfully, accept them and help them feel stability and security in the world.

Literature:

1. Lainen, Marsha M. Cognitive-behavioral therapy for borderline personality disorder / Marsha M. Lainen. - M.: "Williams", 2007. - 1040s.

2. Lainen, Marsha M. Skills Training Guide for the Treatment of Borderline Personality Disorder: Per. from English - M.: LLC "I. D. Williams ", 2016. - 336 p. 3. Mlodik I. Yu. House of cards. Psychotherapeutic assistance to clients with borderline disorders. - M.: Genesis, 2016.-- 160p.

4. Jerold J. Kreisman. I Hate You-Don’t Leave Me [Electronic resource] - Access mode:

Recommended Foreign Literature on Borderline Personality Disorder:

Literature for specialists

1. Anthony W. Bateman, Peter Fonagy "Psychotherapy for borderline personality disorder Mentalization-based Treatment" (2004).

2. Arnoud Arntz, Hannie van GenderenSchema "Therapy for Borderline Personality Disorder" (2009).

3. Arthur Freeman, Donna M. Martin, Mark H. Stone "Comparative Treatments for Borderline Personality Disorder" (2005).

4. Guía de práctica clínica sobre trastorno límite de la personalidad (Spain, 2011).

5. Joan M. Farrell, Ida A. Shaw “Group Schema Therapy for Borderline Personality Disorder. A Step-by-Step Treatment Manual with PatientWorkbook”(2012).

6. Joan Lachkar "The Narcissistic / Borderline Couple New Approaches to Marital Therapy Second Edition" (2004).

7. Joel Paris Treatment of borderline personality disorder. A Guide to Evidence-Based Practice (2008).

8. John F. Clarkin, Frank E. Yeomans, Otto F. Kernberg “Psychotherapy for borderline personality. Focusing on Object Relations”(2006).

9. John G. Gunderson, Perry D. Hoffman “Understanding and Treating Borderline Personality Disorder. A Guide for Professionals and Families”(2005).

10. Mary C. Zanarini "Borderline Personality Disorder" (2005).

11. Patricia Hoffman Judd, Thomas H. McGlashan “A Developmental Model of Borderline Personality Disorder. Understanding Variations in Course and Outcome”(2003).

12. Roy Krawitz, Christine Watson “Borderline Personality Disorder. A practical guide to treatment”(2003).

13. Trevor Lubbe “The Borderline Psychotic Child. A selective integration”(2000).

Literature for relatives and anyone interested in BPD

1. Jerold J. Kreisman "I Hate You-Don't Leave Me" (1989).

2. Jerold J. Kreisman "Sometimes I Act Crazy Living with Borderline Personality Disorder" (2004).

3. John G. Gunderson, Perry D. “Hoffman Understanding and Treating Borderline Personality Disorder. A Guide for Professionals and Families”(2005).

4. Rachel Reiland "Get Me Out of Here. My Recovery from Borderline Personality Disorder" (2004).

5. Randi Kreger, James Paul Shirley “Stop Walking on Eggshells. Practical Strategies for Living with Someone Who Has Borderline Personality Disorder”(2002).

6. Paul T. Mason, Randi Kreger “Stop walking on eggshells. Taking your life back when someone you care about has borderline personality disorder”(2010).

7. Randi Kreger "The Essential Family Guide to Borderline Personality Disorder" (2008).

8. Shari Y. Manning. "Loving Someone with Borderline Personality Disorder: How to Keep Out-of-Control Emotions from Destroying Your Relationship."

9. Rachel Reiland "Get Me Out of Here: My Recovery from Borderline Personality Disorder."

10. Shari Y. Manning, Marsha M. Linehan "Loving Someone with Borderline Personality Disorder: How to Keep Out-of-Control Emotions from Destroying Your Relationship."