Dealing With People Who Piss Off - Two Simple, Tricky Strategies

2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43

There is such an anecdote: “The psychologist told me:“Write a letter to the person who infuriates you, and burn him.”- Good. And what to do with the letter? Now seriously. The topic is very general, and everyone can mean something of their own by “infuriates”. And yet, there are some general rules - if you follow them, it will be easier to figure out who pisses off whom and why, as well as what to do with all this.

1. This very feeling "enrages"

Probably, almost everyone at least once in his life said that everything enrages him. At the same time, for each person, this most "infuriates" will be his own, special. For example, for one it will be just anger, in which one wants to punch in the face (that is, to attack), and vision becomes clouded. Another will have the feeling “I'm cornered” (and I want to cry, and it’s hard to breathe). The third and fourth have something else. There are many options.

So: the first and main thing that can be done is to call your “infuriates” some kind of metaphor (to answer the question: what does it look like?), And then look for where, when and with whom in the past this feeling was repeated. And if at least once in the past there was the same feeling, then the point is not in the person who enrages, but in the fact that once you had an emotional reaction, and this emotional reaction is repeated and will be repeated, and with different people and in different contexts, and you need to work with it.

Nlpers techniques (such as "Personal story change", "Reimprinting" and some others) work well with repetitive emotional reactions. In other areas, of course, there are also tools for working with this.

2. Enrages that a person does something (or allows himself to do something)

There are two aspects here: the first is about breaking boundaries, the second is about the shadow. First, about the first. For example, if a person, when communicating with you, fits into bodily boundaries, or eats a garlic sandwich at the workplace (not really thinking about what it is like for colleagues at this time), or asks too personal questions, or gives unsolicited advice, then speech it's about breaking boundaries. Which, in this case, must be defended. At the very least, voice that this does not suit you (preferably, without unnecessary emotions). Perhaps you think that the person should have guessed that you do not like the smell of garlic in the workplace - but for him this is normal, that is, he does not know. You need to sound. And then look at the situation.

Second aspect. The irritating behavior of another person may indicate that you are forbidding something to yourself, you want it, and the other person shows it. Shadow is a topic that is both simple and complex at the same time. On the one hand, everything is simple to genius: if once in my childhood I forbade myself to mess around, then I will be annoyed by people who allow themselves to do it. In this case, my irritation is a marker of the fact that I have hurt myself. The difficulty is that when you try to work through, you usually run into strong resistance. The plus is that when working out the shadow, a resource is usually released, and often very unusual.

No one really needs to beat the face) Burn too)