2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
During parting with love (albeit toxic or internally immature) partner a person has to live a rather difficult path of separation - isolation, restructuring, overcoming "Drug" craving for the past.
In the practice of working with alcohol addiction (and emotional addiction is akin to drug addiction, alcohol addiction), there is an important stage of treatment: "Suppression of alcohol cravings"associated with coding - launching a negative attitude towards the destructive source.
In psychological work with emotionally dependent symptoms, weakening love cravings, there is a conditionally similar method - practices of "conscious attitudes towards toxic attraction to the past"related to the revision of the real situation in a pair.
I will present one of them …
“We dispel illusions. Take off your rose-colored glasses. " Investigate: "Was love love?"
/ Valeria has a wonderful song on the theme … I refer readers to this song … It would be useful to remember it now … /
Demonstrating practice with a conditional example …
Evelina, experiencing a final break with the failed groom, painfully rushed between "No, not worth it!" and "Oh, how you want!" … Let's suppose: what constitutes her throwing, because on the rational level she has long understood: Sergei cannot become a responsible family man, he is too spoiled and too subordinate to his mother, and what is especially depressing is that he is completely uncritical of the mistakes he makes.
What launches intolerable "want" Evelina?
Irrational component of her love fantasies, deceitful romantic flair
In the girl's heart there is a sea of pleasant memories reinforced by dreams: the infantile groom coped well with such an easy task; pleasure is his favorite "horse".
In corrective-practical work with psychological "distortion", it is logical to separate the irrational and real field of already fulfilled relationships for useful analysis: what is in my expectations from a partner about the truth, and what about a lie?
How ?! … Very easy! I will tell…
1. To begin with, let's arm ourselves with a piece of A4 paper, dividing it in half with a vertical line.
2. The left column, as in the school English exercises, we call
"It's a lie", and the right one - "It's true".
3. Now let's proceed to the study of the truth of these relations. In order to make an objective conclusion: is the point right or the previous union had the prospect of happiness?
4. Column "It's true" we bring in actually fulfilled examples confirming love in relation to the addicted client.
For example … Evelina recalls, filling in the right field:
- talked a lot about love, - gave poetic confessions, - threw gifts and flowers …
5. Column "It's a lie" we bring in actually executed examples that raise doubts about the truth of the partnership.
For example … Evelina lists, filling in the left margin:
- in the moments of my illnesses behaved distantly, - all questions, even strictly from our joint field, discussed in detail with my mother, guided in the future by her promises,
- shifted his own responsibility for dividing common areas solely onto my shoulders, - their interests (not even interests, but benefits) put at the forefront of life …
So, without haste, both lists are very thoughtfully formed.
6. We proceed to the analysis: do the abstracts from the list admit? "It's a lie", Firstly, the presence of the desired feeling, and secondly, good prospects for further?
7. We are trying to assess: will the positions from the list "It's true" make up a true support for the life and prosperity of a couple?
8. We weigh the result obtained by comparing the indicators of the lists. We assess the situation sensibly, without the influence of "rose-colored glasses" and romantic dope.
Evelina sums up: “Flowers and confessions are, of course, a good thing, but life is determined not words, but actions and deeds … And with this in this particular case it is very, very weak!"
So, isn't Evelina's love addiction feeding on her own dreams and dreams? Another thing is why in her stories this (and other) illusions?
Nevertheless, in cases of emotional dependence, fantasy distortions are huge, huge number. The task helps to visually demonstrate this
Such an analytical comparison "lowers to the ground", weakening the craving for a destructive source
But the next point of psychological work will be the question of Evelina's spiritual sources, which set this formula of relationships: what triggers the client's participation in dependent relationships, what does not let her out of there? But this is a completely different story and a new, future article …
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