Why Is It Bad For A Schizoid To Be Alone? Splitting Schizoid

2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43

Perhaps, considering the topic of the internal conflict of a schizoid, you wondered: why is it still difficult for a schizoid to remain alone? From what in general did the schizoid have this conflict: loneliness is a relationship? Why shouldn't the schizoid choose just loneliness, isolation and live happily for himself?

In this article, I will try to answer these questions and explain: why a person, no matter what, still strives for society, for society and communication. After all, schizoid dynamics, if you look in general, is in every person to one degree or another. Why, then, can we not live without communication?

If you look at how the schizoid was formed. What do we see in the first place? This is a baby who had an undersaturated or oversaturated mother. In his own words: a bad mother, and a baby who perceives this mother as a bad object. If we remember how our ego is formed, we see that it is formed through the mother. We put the mother within us. Accordingly, we put a bad object inside ourselves, and it is unbearably difficult for a baby to survive, it is very difficult for him. He feels that he is not important enough, not needed enough, that he does not have enough love, warmth. He strives with his love for his mother, he so wants this love, madly wants. Because of this, he asks to be on the arms all the time, some kind of hugs, some kind of emotional contact, an eye-to-eye look. And, if the mother does not give it, the child places in himself such a concept as: mother is a bad object. And if mom is bad, then the world around her is all the more bad.

Bad objects inside the child gradually split his Ego. From what the child hides deep in himself, this part of his Ego, filled with bad. Leaving only the second part of the Ego, the social one. He can smile, show himself socially very well, and sometimes you don't even think that something torments him inside, that there are these bad objects inside him that do not give a normal life. And in fact, these unmet needs live deep in him, in that first Ego and manifest themselves, from time to time, by drives.

In general, looking at what such a baby is experiencing, you can see two sides: the first is insane love for mom, and the second is anger. Anger from the fact that they did not give me, but I desperately want to. I want it so much that there is a very strong anger, even rage. From which the child begins to fear that he will destroy the object of affection, absorb it completely and therefore he hides this part very deeply in himself and from himself, just in case. Because to face this need is very painful for him.

Relatively speaking, being there deep, this second part of the Ego splits into two more parts. Of course, this cannot be called an explicit splitting, which also, in turn, depends on the structure of the organization of the personality: after all, there are more mature, healthier schizoids and more disturbed, closer to the psychotic warehouse of the schizoid. But in any case, the second ego splits into libidinal and anti-libidinal.

The libidinal Ego is the one that still seeks to receive this love, this hope in despair to receive care, attention, affection, and the like.

And anti-libidinal, this, in fact, is that anger, from the fact that he is unable to achieve this. It seems to be shouting: "I want this love, give it to me!" But this does not happen in any way.

From this it turns out that when a schizoid is left alone with himself, a theater begins to play out inside him. His bad objects have not gone anywhere, they can be mom, dad, grandmothers, grandfathers. Everyone who once inflicted pain in the zone of love, attachment, the need for this person to the world, all these objects inside a child, inside an adult, are beginning to play a theater. All of you have probably come across this, one way or another. It looks like self-flagellation, self-destruction, self-abuse. When we are alone for a long time, in the head begins to appear: noise, rustle, some incomprehensible thoughts, anxiety - and all this is pumped up, oppressing the person.

Why, in the end, it becomes simply unbearable, because it is very difficult to admit that you are doing to yourself - these terrible things, you have become your own enemy. It becomes so unbearable that the schizoid has to lift his ass and go into people, into society, into relationships. As a rule, now he really wants to completely immerse himself in a relationship, after such emotional and relational deprivation. As a rule, schizoids, from the feeling that I have nothing at all, try to plunge into the first relationship they come across, and quickly enter into complete merging with another person.

And then they no longer torture all these internal bad objects inside, they come out. The projection mechanisms begin to work. “I think this person is bad,” because I was once treated badly. Moreover, there are two options for development: either I really find bad people who do bad things to me, or I, even if the person is good, by my projections what is called projective identification, or, more simply, a self-fulfilling prophecy. Because of my projections, I do something with my behavior, I show something that makes a person react to me in the same way as my bad objects reacted: mom, dad, grandmother, grandfather.

Of course, this does not mean that mom, dad, grandmother or grandfather were completely bad - no. This means that the mother could be both good and bad, but the child splits her: this is a good mother, but this mother is bad. This is the mother who breastfeeds me - she is good, and this mother, who took me on her arms at the wrong time when I was scared and anxious, is a bad mother. It is difficult for a child to admit that mom can be both good and bad, so he splits her. And this, by the way, is inherent in some people already in adulthood, they cannot admit that there is both good and bad in a mother.

Sometimes it happens that while undergoing therapy, a person goes through certain stages. For example, at first it seems to him that his mother was just perfect, the best of mothers. Then we begin to find that not everything was so good, and the person begins to consider the mother completely bad. And only then both the good and the bad are integrated and it is admitted that a mother can be like that.

But, if you return to our topic, about all these bad things that were done to us - what became bad objects inside us, analytically speaking, these all objects are placed in another person and now the drama that was inside me has become play out in the outdoor theater. And the schizoid is so much easier, because then he is not his own enemy, but around all the freaks and do bad things to me. Then it is easier to get angry, swear, in the end, break off this relationship and calm down for a while. Return to your loneliness and think: there are only freaks, goats, all bad around. This is how they treated me again.

Of course, this does not mean that the schizoid is not going through parting, he is also experiencing grief, everything is as usual. But it is experienced, with a drop of relief in the zone of self-abasement. Now, after all, neither am I killing myself, now they are killing me outside, and there is someone to be angry with.

Now, after all, bad objects that have become part of the schizoid are no longer recognized as the voice of self-flagellation, self-deprecation, self-hostility, like the voice of a mother. Although the mother could never say anything bad, her movements or her lack of movement, her interaction with the schizoid, was perceived as bad. Because I wanted more, did not give this love, and the psyche perceived the mother as a bad object. And now the schizoid within himself, treats himself as well: does not give, does not notice, offends, and so on.

It is very difficult to admit, to understand that all these bad objects are what other people brought me. That this has become a part of me, and to be at enmity with myself is a terrible horror. Better to have someone outside than myself.

In general, from the point of view of an individual, it is always better to fight with someone or something, and even better for something than with yourself. After all, a war with oneself is always worse and brings much worse consequences than if you play these games outside.

Yes, maybe I will hook some people, but this is our life: we all, by and large, meet in projections with each other. And so, perhaps, something new for me will happen in this world, a new experience, and I will be able to notice something else good in my bad objects, bad projections.

Of course, it is difficult to describe this topic in one article. And you can still touch on a lot here. But it is better if you try to look deep into yourself, especially if it is in psychotherapy, and feel: these are the parts that are fighting among themselves, you can feel them.