2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
If you have to learn to say no, then for some time you only knew how to say yes. And if you are thinking about starting to say “no”, then your constant “yes” has ceased to please and satisfy you the way you would like.
If you learn to say "no" - at first you will be unbearably painful. Because people who are accustomed to the fact that you only say "yes" to them will turn around and leave. Look for those who will continue to tell them "yes" and not tell them "no". And you certainly didn’t want them to leave after hearing your “no”. But they will go away. And a huge sore hole will be found in your heart.
You will torment yourself with questions about why you said no. Well, they used to say yes, and it was more or less. Well, it did hurt. But less painful than it is now. What would have happened if you had not said no?
So you will torment yourself for a while. But from time to time you will begin to remember that your constant “yes” hurt you more, not less. And after some more or less time, you will calm down. And after a while, it will become less painful.
If you are not afraid and continue to say “no”, not only the one who was most painful for you to lose will leave. Those with whom you formed shallow neural connections, the destruction of which does not hurt so terribly, will also leave … From leaving these ones - and they will also leave, because you, too, you said to them before only "yes" - their leaving will not hurt so much, as from the departure of those who are most beloved and significant for you. And the number of holes in the heart may not even increase. Well, maybe that first hole is just too big.
For a while, you will try to start saying yes again. A lot of. More often than no. So that again the people you will miss when you start saying “no” will come again. And they will even come again. You will keep saying yes to them. More often than it will suit you. And you will understand that this will no longer suit you. And somewhere here you will begin to understand how to use it in a new way. Your new yes. And your new no's.
Now you won't just say no. And you won't just say yes. But you will no longer doubt when it is “sure yes” and when it’s absolutely definitely not.
And at some magical moment - at first you will not notice, and then to your surprise you will notice - people will appear who, for some reason, will not leave after your "no". They will surprise you and stay. And they will talk to you, be interested in you, maybe even ask for forgiveness for something (well, if they didn't immediately understand your “no” correctly), offer something, and even tell you about their “yes” and “no”. But they won't go anywhere.
And at this moment you will remember how painful it was for you to leave those very important and loved ones for you who could not hear "no" from you. And at the same moment you will say goodbye to their impossibilities. And forgive them for their impossibilities. Because someone will appear to whom you should not only say "yes" and be afraid of his leaving. And suddenly you find that where there used to be a huge sore hole - the hole is no longer found. And maybe you will smile sadly.
Oh yes. More and more such people will appear around you. I know about it from somewhere. Everything will be exactly like this.
If you learn to say no.
Dmitry Chaban
Kiev. October 2018.
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