Immigration Is More Than A Challenge, Or How To Learn To Say "Fuck" To Your Chef

2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2024-01-07 22:18

Perhaps the most painful component of my new life, which began with a clean, like Aryan blood, German leaf, was the situation with the "dicks". Now it's hard to believe it, but at first in Germany, just turning to someone was a real torment. Neither do you have the usual names and patronymics, nor the light ironic familiarity of "Maryvanna". From now on, exclusively formal appeals - say, "Mrs. Popovich" or, God forbid, "Mr. Gruneberg". And that's half the trouble. To add tragedy - the German word for "mister" is "Herr", and yes, it sounds exactly as it looks. So, imagine: you come for an interview, two nice men are waiting for you. On the phone, you clarified their names three times, listened carefully to the pronunciation of the secretary directly on the spot, and the last, dear young lady, even wrote down the data for you on a piece of paper. Gentlemen come in (and you have already learned how important formalities and etiquette are here, so you really can't wait to show respect), and you are silent, because it is almost impossible to say “dick Yuhyh und dick Grofferch”. This amount of "x" and "f" is already enough to get confused and ingloriously capitulating, not to mention the "dicks" that must be pronounced when referring to both. Well, I didn’t apply. The tongue did not turn. She only stung her hands, nodded and smiled.

It seems like a two-second confusion, but on average, as a newly arrived immigrant, you experience it 2-3 hours a day. In the evening, fall off your feet from fatigue and physically feel how the brains move, and neural connections are formed in them. With each social interaction, it is necessary to master new strategies of behavior. There are no more scripts and familiar drawings. Everything or almost everything you know doesn't work. It's hard - emotionally, mentally and physically. Sometimes it seems that the only strength left is to immediately pack the suitcase home.

In this post I want to share my experience of adaptation in a new environment and give conditional recommendations on what, in my opinion, can facilitate this process. For the example of Germany, it looks like this:

You have recently moved if

• It seems to you that you missed some part of your life in which this decision was made. Sometimes you seriously think that you were abducted by aliens and returned to Earth with something implanted, deciding, planning and executing this devilish move plan.
• Everything pisses you off, everyone annoys you. It seems to you that there are exceptionally functional people around, who care mainly about their comfort and safety, and whose main value is work and that very functionality. Even at the post office they talk to you politely and slowly so that you understand everything and do the right thing. During your stay here, you have not found a single public restroom without toilet paper and soap. And you were looking for.
• You are languishing with longing for buckwheat and cottage cheese. You find that birthday parties aren't nearly as bad as you thought they were. Toast is a wonderful tradition. And what could be better than salted mushrooms for vodka at the moment of uttering a heartfelt confession in the most tender feelings to your grandmother at the festive table?

• The language spoken by all these painfully polite and disgustingly pleasant people seems to you structured, rigid, requiring the constant use of all brain resources. For example, you need to remember all the time that the verb here is captivated by the second place in the sentence. While at home, the verb is the embodiment of freedom, syntactic cosmopolitan.
• Almost every night you dream of Lenin Avenue, Gorokhovaya Street, Bolshoy Avenue, Korablestroiteley Street, and maybe some kind of Line. In these dreams, you are constantly late for the plane home, get terribly upset and explain to your spouse why you need to catch him.
• You call your friends more often than usual, and everyone who here tells you, they say, you need to get new ones, you are ready to mercilessly send back to where they came from with their advice. Nevertheless, at some point you have a feeling that your friends do not understand you, and it is difficult to talk about what is happening to you, since you cannot describe it in words, and day after day you can use the terms “loneliness "And" isolation "- it seems not comme il faut.
• For some reason, you are not going “home” from vacation, but to Germany, finding yourself at the airport, you are sincerely surprised how you know this language and can read everything.
• Sometimes you have flashbacks in childhood, more often in the summer. You are suddenly waiting for someone to come and take you away from here. Such a moment of childish hope is just for the summer, and now your mother will appear from around the corner, and you will run to her at breakneck speed, because you know, she has come for you.

Now let's talk about the second stage. You have already got used to and are actively integrating if

• You are not surprised why everyone greets everyone everywhere and is generally so friendly. Niagaras of gratitude for your purchases and polite teens strolling along the same paths along the river have become the norm.

• You suddenly realized that you no longer wanted to go to German courses, somehow you learn by yourself, the level is enough not only to express yourself, to speak spontaneously on the street, to talk about topics of interest to you, to feel comfortable at parties, and most importantly - defend your point of view.
• Cheese became just cheese, and stollen became stollen. You do not lose your mind and figure from these Christmas pastries with candied fruits and marzipans.
• You don't scream with delight when you see a flock of sheep or cows. And the thought of owning your own goat doesn't strike you as fantastic.
• You have ceased to be annoyed that you need to discuss everything with everyone. Introduce clarity, mark boundaries, discuss, communicate, clarify, etc. For example, who, when, in what order washes the stairs, from which edge and to which.
• You are not shocked that the words "mom" and "dad" in official usage are now being replaced by "parent-1" and "parent-2". You understand the motivation behind the legislature - respecting the rights of same-sex couples.

I would bring to your attention 8 rules that I personally deduced that will help you integrate and make this process as easy as possible

You must have a socialization plan

Socialization in Germany takes place through study or work. Employment or your own business is of great value here. The German society is a consumer society. Create goods and services to consume. Or think over a different integration plan and options for earning money.

Allow yourself to be shocked by what is happening

You will likely stay in it for a couple of months no matter how well you prepare for the move. Well, stay. Give yourself time. Take small steps and do not make excessive demands on yourself. Equip your life - find out where the pharmacy, the grocery store, delicious coffee with new favorite cookies, the library are. Make your own map of the little things you need for the comfort of your everyday life.

Acknowledge your feelings about your new world order

Anger, resentment, sadness, vexation, annoyance - all that you feel. It's okay to doubt, be dissatisfied, or yearn.

Acknowledge that you need the help of a therapist or psychologist if you really need it

Let at least sometimes. Don't be afraid to ask for her. Moving to another country is stressful and traumatic. It causes a number of unpleasant experiences - the experience of loss, feelings of powerlessness, the need for socialization, self-identification in new groups, shame, the search for new ways and meanings. Be caring and considerate of yourself. If you feel completely powerless, and these sensations are not situational, but continue for months, then you urgently need to see a specialist.

Fall in love with Germany

Do whatever inspires you normally. The main thing here is not the result - a read book or attending a specific event - but enjoying the process. Maybe you will read a couple of lines a day, but they will suddenly give you access to language and culture. Maybe you will have a new hobby - singing in the choir, feeding the reindeer, riding a bicycle, dancing, teaching others the Russian language? Find something that makes you alive and passionate. A hobby will allow you to find your own. Get carried away with these new people and let life take you into its dance!

Show yourself

Open up to the pleasure of spontaneity. Want to talk to someone on the street? Do it. Don't miss the impulses and signals your body is sending you. By responding to them, you will feel freer and more confident. Don't give up on the language barrier. With the help of speech, we convey to the interlocutor only 30% of the content of the message. The remaining 70% are still available to you - a smile, body and feelings are with you, absolutely familiar - yours. Show yourself and what you want to say, share.

Notice the odds

Chances are given to everyone, everywhere and always! A new hobby will connect you with the right people, and work colleagues will provide you with the information you are interested in. Maybe this is where you will find yourself in a new profession. Take an active position in life, and the chances will make themselves felt. You will definitely have the opportunity to anticipate those changes that you, most likely, did not dare to dream of in Russia.

Take responsibility for your life

If you live by this principle or are ready to start, then all other points can be neglected! Get used to contacting others, go to visit whenever possible. Your task is to leave the house every day and stay in touch with the reality around you. No matter where - in courses, in a bakery, on a tram, in a gym - talk to people and be open to everything new. Later, this skill will come in handy in your studies or when applying for a job. Even if it is difficult for you and you avoid this new reality - do not give up, just continue as you can.

I assure you, the moment will come and you will forget the embarrassment of using the word "dick" in public. Moreover, in the excitement of assimilation and becoming "your own", you will, with hidden joy and pride, turn to the owner of your apartment: "Herr Grunermeier, something's heating is junk, please check!"

When deciding to move, you should take into account that it entails a large and time-consuming process of acquiring a new cultural identity. It may seem that it will look like new clothes, thrown over a familiar body, but in fact we are talking about the deepest transformation, and I would call this period "overgrowing with new skin."

By completely changing the cultural and everyday environment, it is impossible to predict all the surprises, challenges, questions and answers that will follow. In German there is such an expression: “Erstens kommt es anders, zweitens als du denkst.” This means that everything happens differently than you think, and the experience cannot be lived in advance. But this experience will definitely enrich your knowledge about the world, about others, about yourself and about your soul.