2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
In Slavic mythology, resentment is a mythical creature that personifies the expression of attitude towards other people about their unfair, bad actions, which entailed undesirable consequences that could be avoided.
Those. we were treated badly, and we defend ourselves against this by resentment. Why can this be avoided? Because we can only be offended by someone who knows us well.
They take offense at those they love, who are not indifferent. We often think that children, when they are offended, do it on purpose. And we get angry and annoyed about it. In fact, the behavior of children is natural and logical. All small children are offended, because they are defenseless in front of adults, and they value relationships.
What gives us resentment?
Resentment, like any other emotion, performs an important function in survival, in particular, the adaptation of people to each other. This is a natural reaction, the task of which is to maintain the relationship, even if there is a conflict. Resentment acts as a kind of tool in the management of human relations, and it works automatically.
If I am offended, and I am not offended, then the offender feels this discouraged, dissatisfied; and sometimes he thinks that he is not loved, not respected, that he is not significant to the offender. Democritus said: "The ability to protect oneself from threatening injustice is a sign of intelligence, while unwillingness to repay for an insult is a sign of insensitivity." In this case, the payment for the offense is the feeling of guilt, which makes the offender significant to another.
Resentment shows the offender our boundaries and values, and shows us our vulnerability and sensitivity. We reveal this only to close people. And the higher the level of trust, the deeper we allow another to know us. For the offender, this can be a signal that he is dear to us, we dedicate him to the intimate, and open ourselves to him.
You have to be natural. You are offended - offended. You shouldn't hide your feelings. If an emotion has a certain function in adaptation in communication, then it should not be totally suppressed.
! A person who has gone through an "unlived resentment" in a relationship does not know how to defend their borders. It is difficult for him to admit his guilt. It is difficult for him when someone nearby demonstrates an offense, and it is much easier for him to admit the offense as something bad and harmful than to be in contact with her. As a result, when such a person gains power in relationships (with relatives, spouses, subordinates, friends), he himself becomes the offender who will not regret or apologize, and because of which another person will stop defending his borders.
How not to succumb to resentment that does not let go and makes you suffer? Since resentment arises due to the fact that we did not expect something, then we are talking about our expectations. So what should we do:
(1) not build unrealistic expectations;
(2) not associate satisfaction, joy, or well-being with another person's behavior;
(3) not comparing the other person's behavior to my expectations.
! If I am able to realize and fulfill the first three requirements, then it turns out that the resentment does not live with me for a long time, and, thus, I learn to accept the other as he is. Which adds another plus to the offense.
To understand yourself in a situation of resentment, you can ask yourself questions:
"How should the offender behave so that I do not take offense at him?"
"How realistic are my expectations of the other's behavior?"
And finally:
There is such an expression: "Some swallow the offense, others - the offender." I suggest you learn to live with resentment without swallowing yourself or others for it.
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