2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
Once upon a time, when I was in my early twenties, I knew how to endure.
I suffered insults from my husband, a bad attitude towards myself.
I endured what was unpleasant for me.
And I was very proud of it - I can endure!
I'm so patient!
And I was sure that patience is my virtue.
This is my quality that adorns me.
Makes me valuable in a relationship.
Well, where else can a husband find such a patient one?..
Many years later, when I came to learn the Gestalt approach, I heard from one of the trainers that it is not useful to endure.
I was dumbfounded …
How so - my world was built on the fact that I am patient, I myself appreciate it in myself and then bam - this is not useful!
I began to delve into this topic.
And after some time I became convinced that this is indeed the case.
I saw that it is not good for anyone to endure.
Not for the one who endures, as I have endured for a long time.
Not for the one from whom they suffer.
When I endured, I felt dissatisfied and unhappy.
Now I call it, to some extent, violence against myself - to endure what I dislike and what I do not like.
Well, the other person, from whom they endure, may not even guess that what he does for another is unpleasant.
Therefore, now I choose - not to endure, but to talk about what is unpleasant or not pleasant to me and somehow negotiate.
So that the other person in communication with me could take this into account.
Of course, if he wants it and he can do it.
If not, then, alas, our paths will probably go their separate ways …
Or we will completely stop communicating or we will communicate occasionally and not for long.
Well, why and why should I stay in a relationship with another, if he does not want or is not ready to take into account my wishes?
And there are those who hear me and my wishes and take this into account.
And I am pleased to communicate with them, because I see that I am taken into account and I am valuable.
And I, in turn, also take into account the wishes of those people who are important and valuable to me.
And these clarifications make our relationship more sincere, warm and close.
What do you choose in a relationship - to tolerate or not to tolerate?
How do you like that? Like?
And if you find it difficult to take a step and start talking about something that you dislike or dislike, then come to me for therapy.
And I will help you walk this path to better relationships.
And more satisfying communication.
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