Female Loneliness: Myth And Reality Or A Sad Song About Statistics

2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43

"The girls are standing, standing on the sidelines, pulling handkerchiefs in their hands." Under these hopeless words, more than one generation of Soviet and post-Soviet women has grown up. And many more will have to be hopelessly poisoned with tearful, soothing words: "… because for ten girls, according to statistics, nine guys …"

But how many single women console themselves with this would-be statistics! Remember the tale about two frogs that got into a jug of sour cream. One decided that it was useless to fight, folded her paws and drowned. And the second fought, jerked her paws, and eventually knocked sour cream into butter and jumped out. She got the prize - life. What is your position on achieving your female happiness? Are you ready to fight for him, or will you surrender immediately, obediently waiting for the climax in a cold bed?

I foresee your objections. And the most common thing looks like this: At my age, you can no longer find a man. And it doesn't matter at all how old you are according to your passport: 25, 30, 40, 50, 60, 70 +….

Well, let's figure it out …

There are common stereotypes about the perception of a single woman. And one of them sounds like this: "It is more difficult for women to get married than for men." Let's figure it out, is it really so? Of course, from the point of view of analyzing the market situation, the demand for suitors significantly exceeds the supply. But this does not mean at all that there are few men who really want to start a family. I mean those men who are already ripe for a family.

So, a man who has already achieved something in his life, who has a certain financial stability, who has satisfied his primary sexual interest. There may be more than one hundred "scalps" and broken hearts in his collection.

At a certain stage in his life, he had already "gorged" on short-term romances and Barbie relationships without obligations.

He already admits the idea that sex can already be a reason not only for acquaintance, but also for something more.

He is already ripe for a family, he is thinking about children.

He built a house.

He planted a tree.

He wants a son. Or a daughter.

But for the implementation of all his ideas, there is no smallest thing. There is no IT. And here comes the hardest part. Where to look, from whom to choose?

As a rule, these are men "over 30", less often - "under 30", more often - good or very good "over 30".

Those who are of the same age, in general, seem to them to be overripe old women, are looking for a very young bride. And, as a rule, having chosen an 18-year-old beauty who has not yet gone mad, has not played enough with dolls and / or adult life and does not know much, she soon begins to shoot herself from all the features of girls of late adolescence.

And now one more recruit has joined the ranks of aging pot-bellied "daddies" who walk their "kids" in clubs, boutiques and fashionable resorts. And besides, there is no guarantee that in a few years this kid will not give him branchy horns with his own security guard, driver or pizza delivery man.

If he considers girls "under 30", then, as a rule, already divorced ones prevail here. Or not yet met their prince. The latter have a chance to meet their Prince On a White Horse in inverse proportion to her age. The more "J." experience, the more bumps they got on their heads. And the stronger is the widespread belief that "all men are good …"

If by this age the girl has already been married, then an urgent question arises: with or without a child? If "without", then a suspicion arises: why? Or sick, or with problems. And brides with problems are not popular.

If a girl received a divorce certificate, already being a mother, then again the question arises: with whom was the child left? Of course, in our country, in the overwhelming majority of cases - with my mother.

And if with a father, then what kind of mother is she ?! And if with her, then how will the relationship with her child be built? This is not a fish or a hamster, this is a small person for life! These and many other similar questions arise in the head of our groom. It is necessary, in fairness, to say that many men selflessly take up the upbringing of the child of their beloved woman, and I know many such families where everyone is happy.

But, if we talk about the rake that many couples step on, then basically, these are "semi-permeable" relationships.

That is, according to the majority of women, a man should invest money, time, emotions in the younger generation, feed-dress-teach a hereditary child.

But when it comes to educational measures, mom, as a rule, breastfeeds her child: “This is my child, and don't you dare make him wash the dishes (remove toys, take them out of the bucket, raise their voice at him),” and so on. I, of course, do not mean a situation where the mother protects the child from the physical punishment of the stepfather. This is another story, and here I am entirely on the side of the “victims”.

Unfortunately, many mothers themselves, unknowingly, create an insurmountable barrier between their child and their current husband. And then they are very surprised, declaring: "They cannot establish contact in any way!"

Here it is very useful to ask yourself a question: “What is my role in this? What am I doing (or not doing) such that my most beloved people cannot find a common language?"

I suppose that many girls are ready to stone me with stones for my seditious reasoning and accuse me of defending representatives of the "enemy" camp. But I, as a psychotherapist, in this case do not take sides and prefer to remain neutral. I need to listen to both the "accusation" and the "defense" without losing my objectivity.

Here I am just debunking the myth about where we started: "It is more difficult for women to marry than for men." And I do this only so that internal limitations do not prevent you from achieving your female happiness!