Bragging Resources

2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43

Once upon a time, all of us in childhood were told that bragging was bad. And we have learned it. Only what this word was about in childhood is not exactly what it is in adulthood. Therefore, it turns out that the prohibition imposed in childhood for educational purposes on a fairly understandable process, which really should have been limited, now covers a very important function.

Therefore, in order. When a child has, for example, a new toy, he has joy, delight, pleasure that he really wants to share with someone. Therefore, the kid runs to his friend at the ready with a new thing and shouts: "Look what I have!" When a friend looks at a new toy, his eyes also light up with delight, and this is exactly the moment for which everything was started. Get a response. Get confirmation of the value of what you have.

But what happens next? The second kid naturally and enthusiastically says: "Give!" and stretches out his hands to the coveted toy. And this is where the bragging ends and something completely different begins.

Due to his age, lack of formation, and therefore the instability of volitional processes, the child begins to envy and the desire to have this toy also takes possession of him. Not the same, but this one. And immediately. Therefore, it turns into a struggle for the right to own a toy. Yes, this is a great moment for educational conversations about property rights, alien boundaries, and self-control. But. Feelings still remain. Both remain offended. Nobody got what they wanted.

In the worst case, the initial desire to boast turns into fierce competition, in which there is both humiliation of those who do not possess something, and manipulation of this value, and the division of power, and the ranking of the participants in the relationship itself depending on who is cooler. …

In childhood, it is true that it is almost impossible to separate these processes. That's why parents say: "It's bad to brag." But the meaning of the message is that bragging at this age is a trigger for other painful processes in the children's team. And this chain is easier to break in the moment of bragging. But it’s not in him that’s the point. Because a very important need remains blackened and stopped.

Because normally, when a child comes to brag about something to his mother, she sincerely answers him: "Wow, how great you are! What a fine fellow you are! True, how good it turned out! How glad I am that you have such a good toy, you I wanted her for so long! " And the child calms down, because he came just for this - to be reflected in his mother's eyes, to receive confirmation of his value, to share with another, large and stable, his joy from achievement or possession.

This is possible precisely because the mother is an adult. Because she is able to separate her feelings and desires from the feelings and desires of other people. And precisely because her reaction is precisely this, neither competition nor the desire to humiliate the other by the fact that he does not have such a thing, nor the desire to take away follow her. Through the reaction of the mother, the child builds into his own picture of himself another piece of the puzzle - "I possess this."

But we all grow up. And we remember that bragging is bad, because we honestly don't do it. And from that we lose a lot. But I really want to whitewash the boasting process, to say that it is important, possible, and that my mother was not talking about that at all.

Because in adulthood, the bragging process can be completely separated from that "tail" for which we were so reprimanded in childhood. And leave the bragging process with its original function - the ability to be reflected in the eyes of another with your achievements. Share your joy of owning something important. Because this original message of desire itself remains the same: "Look what I have!" And my eyes burn with delight.

And when another sincerely and with interest says: "Wow! But show me! And tell me how it is? Class! What a fine fellow you are!", Then this achievement becomes possible to appropriate. Make this new knowledge about yourself a part of understanding yourself. And then you can use it. It replenishes the functionality of a person, becomes available to him inside.

If this does not happen, if such a grown-up boy or girl receives something important, but does not go to brag about it, but locks himself at home and is silent about it, then it is natural at some point that what is so dear and important will begin to lose its value. And then it appears: "Well, yes, there is, and what is it? Well, yes, I achieved it, but this is such a trifle …" And then so much effort is spent, and the person seems to be left empty-handed again. And disappointment comes.

And the desire to show off is also a request for recognition. This is also important. Therefore, we do not want to brag to the first person we meet, but to our special people. Precisely those from whom it is important to receive those very words. That yes, you are good, you did it, you deserve what you have, you really can do a lot.

Therefore, if you separate in your head what the parents had in mind in childhood, and what boastfulness can now give, then you can give yourself the right to do it. And then this legalized process can become a huge resource and one of the important ways of forming one's own identity.