My Friend Is A Psychopath

2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43

Most often, this diagnosis is mistakenly attributed to ordinary bastards and assholes. Few have met pure psychopaths in their lives. I'm lucky.

From the first minute of acquaintance, he did not hide his true face. I had a choice whether to continue the conversation or refuse. I did not refuse, and we became friends - as much as possible, given the peculiarities of his personality.

This man is gay. In addition, he is asocial (does not perceive generally accepted norms of behavior), aromantic (not inclined to romantic manifestations) and neuroatypical (not able to experience emotions). Meet my friend a psychopath. And this is not an insult. This is the diagnosis. He has "antisocial personality disorder" - "high functioning psychopathy with sadistic tendencies." They are afraid of these people, their features are elevated to a cult, they are scared of them on psychological forums.

As a specialist, I cannot help but understand the potential danger and possible consequences. Therefore, I take it into my life absolutely consciously. And our communication is no different from any other friendly relationship. With me, this person is sincere, reliable and caring. He takes responsibility for my well-being, he is always ready to help, and it seems that it really is important for him that everything is okay with me.

Hearing the word “psychopath” doesn’t have to go round and faint. There is also no reason to run and hide. Of course, all people are different, but high-functioning psychopaths are not necessarily maniacs and murderers. After all, most of us admire Sherlock Holmes. True, not everyone knows the list of his diagnoses.

I'll make a reservation right away that I am not a psychiatrist, and my article is neither the ultimate truth, nor a textbook. Rather, my text should be treated as a description of a relationship with a person who is very different from the majority, but does not make it worse or more dangerous because of this. If you are a cat lover, it will be difficult for you to understand who the python or tarantula lives in. However, your fear of such relationships does not mean that they have no right to exist.

I don’t know about you, but I’ve always wondered how a psychopath sees himself. Not conventional scarecrows, but a real look from the inside. Since there is a certain list of manifestations characteristic of a psychopath, I asked my friend to comment on it from the perspective of a person who has not only a diagnosis, but also a special education that allows him to control it.

So, a psychopath through the eyes of a psychopath.

• Pathological deceit “I don’t deny that I can lie and I can also arrange a theater for one actor, if necessary, but the people around me are doing the same. You don't have to go far to find examples: in words, everyone is always “in order”, when in practice only a leaking roof does not fall on his head. But in their performance, the desire to save face is a virtue. In mine is a mortal sin, for which I must immediately be boiled alive. And, by the way, I often tell the truth, only, since everything is in order with my shamelessness, few people like it. Well, yes, tact is a great thing, only there are a lot of lies in it."
• Charm, charm, charm “Good thing, but a double-edged sword. I am either loved or hated madly. I am personally satisfied with both, because I love to piss people off. But I am lazy and rarely use my charm deliberately, although I know that in vain. Skillfully and to the place applied, it is devastatingly effective. In a short period of time, a person turns from an outsider into my fan. Well, or the enemy, depending on what I asked for."
• Megalomania “A natural question - why can't I think a lot about myself? I understand, if it would be out of the blue, but it is not. My self-esteem is all right, it is high and quite adequate, although I have been told more than once that my level of aspirations is too high. Why not? I want to and I jump over my head. My right. Moreover, it is quite easy for me. You don't have to strain too much."
• Need for stimulation “It's true. I am not capable of experiencing a huge range of emotions and feelings, so I need to be shaken. And very much, because the level of stimulation that works on others is like a dead poultice to me. Therefore, I have rather peculiar hobbies that thrust me into, and friends who effectively bring me out of the state of emotional calm."
• Sly manipulator “Also true. Sly, calculating, callous. My whole essence. And here again double standards in action: smart, prudent, calm, which is essentially the same, only in profile, sounds like a compliment. The manipulator is almost a curse, but meanwhile, you might think that you never promised your child candy to make him finish the tasteless soup. All the same manipulation. The only difference is that I love and know how to play with people and I do not pretend that someone is forcing me to do it."
• No shame, no conscience “Not one iota. I am always incredibly amused “Well, are you not ashamed? Well, you should have at least a drop of conscience! " And especially when they try to manipulate me through it. I listen and think, “Say what they are dealing with, maybe they will come up with something more original”."
• Callousness “I don't care deeply” and “I'm too lazy to strain” are my two default states. I see everything perfectly - that someone is hurt or bad, or something else there, but I rarely do anything, because, damn it, you still need to portray sympathy and do something for the person. How many body movements, how much tension, and most importantly - but why do I need it at all? Now, if I get something for this, what I really need, no question, I’ll move mountains. And if not - nafig."
• Lack of empathy “Are you in pain? And this is generally how? " Or "Well, you think, someone died, we are all mortal." Emotional intelligence is a damn thing. I very badly and far from the first time decipher the body language and facial expressions, which are responsible for the expression of inner feelings, the fact that it is customary for people to keep their faces with a brick, no matter what happens, does not help me in the least. But sometimes it's good - when everyone's emotions go off scale, I just take it and do what needs to be done."
• Parasitic lifestyle “The devil is not so terrible as he is painted. Yes, I am a parasite, but do you know how parasites differ from other organisms? They have a fantastic level of adaptability and adaptability. I will survive in any environment and under any conditions, because I will adapt quickly and with minimal losses to whatever is needed. Works great in immigration, by the way. People stall and suffer, but I'm fine, all the way."
• Poor self-control “There is such a thing. I had to learn to control myself, no matter what happened. I still study and get great pleasure from the process of playing with control. A kind of control freak on the contrary. And it tears off the roof quickly and well, yes."
• Sexual promiscuity “A hundred times, yes. I'm a BDSM guy with tons of fetishes, kinks and a penchant for polyamorous relationships. I don't need to continue further, I think."
• Problems with authority recognition "Oh yeah. I got a lot of cuffs from my father. I still have a difficult relationship with discipline. He skipped lessons, was consistently late for school, rushed along the corridors. I flew out of the university once, then returned, but my surname made the entire dean's office grind its teeth. They breathed a sigh of relief when I finally defended myself. Normal work schedule and dress code is not mine, inside and out. Talking to me from a position of strength or putting pressure on me is generally a bad job. Traffic rules? For turtles."
• Difficulty setting goals “Well, it depends on what kind. That I will get up at eight in the morning? Hardly. Even if the alarm goes off at eight, I will get out of bed at best half an hour later, and then only because a dog will jump at me, demanding to take her out into the street. This is her job. At the same time, I clearly know what I want in this life and am actively working to achieve this. I have everything thought out, planned and constantly checked for lice."
• Impulsiveness and irascibility "Yes. Moreover, it is quite dangerous. I said no and the dog didn't obey? I will kill on the spot. Someone told me something wrong? The knife will fly straight into your face. Or that at this moment I will come across a hand there. I had to convey to the dog by means of several rather serious whipping received from me, simply because I was in a bad mood, that it is better not to run up. And the people with whom I closely communicate, I honestly warn them not to piss me off, it will end badly. Well, plus self-control is always turned on to the maximum."
• 15. Irresponsibility "It happens. I don’t really like it when the responsibility that I didn’t ask for is hung on me, so in such situations this trait of mine manifests itself in all its glory. You can't tell me to clean the apartment and expect me to do it in the best possible way. As a rule, I will do everything not to do this, or I will clean up, but in such a way that later I will still have to clean up after me. But if I take responsibility myself, which happens very rarely, I do everything as well as possible for me."
• Failure to admit guilt “But why the hell should I do this if I don’t feel guilty yet? For the sake of fairness, I should say that I never feel guilty at all. Feelings of guilt are not on the list of what I am capable of experiencing. But to admit that I am a goat, I can. Because I am aware that I am a goat. It's true, why not admit it? And personally?"
• Many short-term marriages “I have escaped the official paper junk, but yes, it doesn’t last long. Not because I, like, am not in the mood for long-term relationships, but because people find it difficult to get along with my characteristics. Everyone is waiting for love and everything like that, but for me it is impossible in principle. And with romance everything is very bad for me. Few people want to treat relationships like business."
• Crime Story “We haven't caught it even once. But my childhood was such that I did not have to dive through the gateways in order to secretly kill the kitty. From the age of five, I was openly and very calmly taught how to kill, butcher and cook. And when there are legal ways to satisfy my needs, why do I need illegal ones? Although there was theft, including money, and petty vandalism. I ran away from home too."
• Sadism “Yes, mostly physical, but the psychological is wonderful too. I can't say that I'm just catching an unreal high, it's not about endorphins. It's just as natural to me as breathing. And it's absolutely normal. An integral part of my personality, neither remove nor add. I miss it madly when I don't. And I don't have to. And they do not always allow themselves to do this."
• Narcissism “Yes, terry. I'm still a narcissistic egocentric. I do what I want, and I don't care about the opinions of others. Moreover, not “what people will say”, but precisely what they agree or not. What does it mean - the parents do not agree with the dog? And I'll take it and do it. And who cares that someone will be unhappy. The main thing is that I am satisfied. Especially - yourself."