Why You Shouldn't Nest With A Psychopath. Signs Of An Emotional Psychopath

2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43

Our relationship with others is highly dependent on who we surround ourselves with.

With a loving man, a woman blooms like a flower, she is happy, joyful, there is peace on her face, a calm smile on her lips, confidence in her eyes. With evil - it turns into a cactus or dries up altogether. Letting a man into our world, we choose our inner state, our fate and the fate of our future children.

So it is for men. A man is happy with a woman who loves him, he wants to live, strive, achieve. It becomes pleasant and interesting for him to live. And with a bad woman, he feels the heaviness, anxiety, the futility of his efforts. Even if he loves and tries for her, it is always not enough for her, instead of joy and praise, she finds flaws in him and always demands more and more, as in Pushkin's fairy tale about the Golden Fish. There is no joy, love, kindness, tenderness, understanding in it - only pretense and manipulative behavior. Everything is lost except appetite.

Losing illusion makes us wiser than finding the truth

What if suddenly you realize that you are not comfortable in a relationship. They hurt you more often. It seems to you that the actions of your other half are malicious. You want to cry at your partner's words more often than they make you happy.

Psychopathy is a psychopathological syndrome that manifests itself in the form of such traits as heartlessness towards others, reduced ability to empathize, inability to repent, self-centeredness and superficiality of emotional reactions. True psychopaths rarely resort to physical violence, since most of them prefer to play on human emotions. In addition to the social component, psychopathy also includes neurobiological dysfunction, due to which the psychopath is unable to empathize and deeply experience complex emotions (such as attachment, guilt, and joy); in spite of this, the psychopath can look "charming" due to the developed ability to believable imitation of emotions. Psychologists believe that psychopaths are born (this is more a genetic predisposition). At the same time, about 10% of the population, not being clinical psychopaths, exhibit psychopathic traits, causing harm to others.

Don't expect healthy mental responses from an unhealthy person. In a joint life with a psychopath, the expectation of normal mental reactions is a meaningless process in which you accumulate only a lot of pain and resentment. You don't need to talk to a psychopath. You won't prove anything to him. He does not understand other people's feelings due to the self-centered worldview, where everything should be just the way he likes. In order not to accumulate resentment, you need to not allow yourself to offend and disagree with the psychopath without immediately deepening the relationship. It is difficult for psychopaths to form a real emotional connection with other people. Instead, they create artificial, empty relationships that they can manipulate.

Researchers note that passive-aggressive people are attracted to the carriers of the best human qualities.

“Most often, the victims are people who are full of energy and have a taste for life. The aggressors seem to be trying to take possession of at least part of this life force. Moral qualities that are difficult to steal: joy of life, sensitivity, ease of communication, ability to music and literature , - writes Marie-France Iriguayen and continues:

“Women who usually enter into relationships with psychopaths have quite unique and inimitable character traits. To summarize, they can be described as: overdeveloped sense of empathy + strong affection + high sentimentality + underdeveloped ability to avoid trouble. The widespread opinion that the aggressor recruits victims from among the "bogged down" people, in most cases, does not correspond to the true state of affairs."

Psychiatrist Elena Emelyanova reports:

“Any way to build codependent relationships comes down to the fact that the psychological territory of the partner is occupied, and the partner is emptied and subordinated. Accordingly, a sadist can build relationships with people who are not at all inclined to be self-deprecating. The more satisfaction he can achieve by succeeding in his goals. So the sadist is more attracted to full-bodied people who have a living and resilient shell of "I", which must be broken."

In a relationship, ask yourself just one question: "Am I good?" If you think badly about what to do with this condition. Perhaps you should go to a family psychologist together and try to figure it out if you want to keep the relationship. Relationship mistakes are often two-way. But if you feel that you feel bad because you are humiliated, devoured, deceived, betrayed … By and large, it does not even matter which person next to you is good or bad. It is important how you feel around him. Who are you next to him? How does he speak and think about you? How does it behave towards you? What future awaits you, and perhaps your future children, if you continue to walk this road? And that's it! The rest is not so important.

If your partner tells you evil words provoking you to tears and pain, he does it on purpose. If someone doesn’t strive to make the relationship better, he doesn’t want to. If a man living with a woman stays with her in some strange competitive struggle - this is how he spelled it out in the conceptual matrix. If he humiliates, devalues, lies, it means he does not love, does not respect. If a person uses you, it means that this person was brought up. Take it for granted. Don't waste your time and nerves. Don't feed yourself on illusions. Don't make up a convenient truth for yourself. Don't expect to find a diamond in the dung. He's not there. Do what will provide you with a bright future and a happy life. You yourself are the smith of your own happiness.

The longer you keep everything to yourself, forgive, endure, save and bend, the stronger the explosion will be when you reach your boiling point.

Five main (but not the only) signs of a psychopathological (toxic) relationship:

1. You are always to blame

Emotional psychopaths can be alluring. You quarrel for a specific reason, and he tells you quite calmly: "Honey, don't ruin the evening." See what he did? He did not focus on the problem, and did not seem to shout, but tactfully made you to blame for your emotional reaction, even though it arose in response to his behavior.

Later, he accuses you of all human sins, including his own:

Is he not doing his job? It is your fault, because you are not behaving this way. Got some debts? It is you who are to blame, because you do not make his life easier.

Is he not doing well with business? It is your fault because you are simply beautiful and take good care of the house, but do not bring it some mysterious "fresh air". Does he have no stable social connections with normal people? I think it was your fault. You cut him off from the whole world. Yes, you really do not want your man to have relationships with impudent girlfriends from a dating site, who, moreover, are deliberately aggressive and disrespectful towards you. But what does "the whole world" have to do with it? Your man in a restaurant may sit with his back to you without maintaining a dialogue. In his opinion, nothing strange is happening. He just looks at other women away from you. But let's be honest, it's your fault. Do you have schizophrenia or are you hysterical, because the door just creaked there and he turned away from you for the whole evening, despite the fact that you had a nice conversation before. And even if the door was not there at all, this was not a reason for him to think about his behavior. This is a reason to blame you. Even if you did not respond to this situation verbally, he will at least accuse you of being in a bad mood. Turning around, such a man can start laughing with you with the words: “What happened? Are you in a bad mood again? I know that you were jealous of the waitress because I spoke to her politely! "Savage, do you think? No, he knows how to behave. Such a man may be from a completely normal family, a fairly well-educated person who has seen the world. Don't try to justify this behavior. Don't blame yourself. Your man behaves this way because he wants to, he is such a person. And that's all. Don't look for comfortable explanations for his behavior. Believe me, he will find them himself. Go away.

Those who were caught by their wives in correspondence with their mistresses and dating other women - do not admit their guilt, but they will accuse the wife of digging into the phone. She will be told that she is a vile, monitoring, controlling organization like the KGB and her methods are communist, and this is all to deflect the blame from herself.

2. He is brainwashing you.

This is when he distorts information in such a way that it makes you doubt your own thoughts. Gaslighting. A very common practice for emotional psychopaths. One of the victims recalls:

I will never forget when I found out about my husband's infidelity after he accidentally left his mail open. When I told him about this, he started shouting at ME: “You have not understood everything so well. I can’t believe you don’t trust me - it’s so much like you! I can't believe that I put up with all this, how you are destroying our marriage,”and so on and so forth. After several days of his performances like this, I really began to think that I had come up with all this myself - about his betrayal.

When an emotional psychopath has no excuses, he will come up with one (making you believe your own insanity). Assures you that you have mental problems, hallucinations, bad temper, angry, jealous, etc. But in fact, you just adequately reacted to the external environment, which suddenly became unfriendly, dangerous, deceitful for you.

Having created a conflict or an unpleasant situation for her woman to which she begins to emotionally react - the psychopath blames her. Such a man is not able to protect, sympathize, love, protect. He instantly turns everything in his head so that the hammer of fate and the anvil of justice have worked with you for a reason, because you are a bad person and deserve all this. Even if the situation was completely insane, you will be assured that all this was normal, and you are to blame because you are … And here is a long list of what, in the opinion of a man, is not so in you … More than half of this list may be far-fetched and completely uncommon for you …

Telling you that you are unhappy in your marriage? You are a terrible wife. Reporting that such a relationship is not healthy - you are toxic. Inform that you feel bad about what he is happy with - "You are just unhappy because you were born like that!"

3. He humiliates you

Emotional psychopaths know that they are not worthy of you and the relationship with you, therefore they will try to humiliate you. So that you do not think that you deserve the best. Even if he chooses you because you are beautiful, because your eyes are burning, because other men are looking at you - all the same, then he will humiliate you and drive into your head that you are pathetic, stupid, incapable, sick, inadequate, without it you will be lost. You may be told that it is better to have children on the other, that sex once a month for two minutes, not because it is not functional or carried away by its passive-aggressive scenarios, but because you are not good enough in bed. And it's okay that you feel bad with him, you are constantly scared and unsure of yourself, your future, and you have to save money even on the bus. A psychopath is sure that you should be a well-groomed sexual thing, even if the family has debts, there is no money for good things and beauty salons, and your eyes once a week are in tears due to injustice, emotional coldness and humiliation. And in part, you will begin to believe that it is you who are to blame and are untenable and become more attached to him, thinking that no one else will love you.

One of the members of the forum in the topic "When love leaves" writes:

… He creates the conditions for a woman to do all this for him. He begins to criticize her and convince himself that she cooks badly, and if it is good, then this is also bad, because it is too tasty, and he wanted to lose weight. He tells her what she should do, but to all her requests he says no … Because "why on earth?" He tells her that he is tired and does not want sex, and he watches porn in the toilet and masturbates. And if she really needs sex, then let her achieve it - she creates a good mood, does not reread, does not make her angry, agrees with everything, dances a striptease, gets excited quickly, ends quickly. She did not seduce - she is to blame, she will not have sex for a week, two, three. All the same, then he will cry, make a scandal and a reason for dislike here you are. How can you love such a hysterical woman ?!

And so 10 years pass. Of course, during this time she will undertake a lot of things, he has infertility - she will do IVF, the relationship becomes insipid - she buys beauty dance and sexy lingerie … There is not enough money - she will plow like a horse to please him … And it seems like he and he hints to her this way and that, and directly says that she is not a woman for him, and that he does not keep anyone here. And she - that's stubborn - does not stop in any way in search of a way to save their marriage.

4. It isolates you.

Any job other than the humiliating one that he chooses for you is not suitable. Your specialty is about nothing. Real estate is bad. The secretary is bad. The waitress is bad. As a result, you just have to wash the floors, which he himself will advise you. You cannot complain, but he will complain about you and tell everyone how toxic you are in order to form public opinion against you. Perhaps he will take you out of your usual circle by moving and begin to reproach you for the fact that you have no one. Or it will devalue your acquaintances and your relationships with friends, because they see who he is and how he influences you. He cannot allow them to destroy his brainwashing work.

5. Double standards

Lack of emotional and behavioral resilience. Lack of strong beliefs, concepts and values. Today they say I love you - tomorrow that you are worthless. Today they look at you with burning eyes and the person with you is interested. Tomorrow they turn away from you, speaks dismissively, you are not interesting, they begin to humiliate you and they start talking badly about you behind your back. When his girlfriends whom you do not even know talk about you dismissively, rudely - this is normal, they are right. You are wrong to express that you do not like it. When a long time later you already have such acquaintances, the psychopath begins to throw a tantrum, shouting that this is, in cultural language, "a man of non-traditional sexual orientation" and that you no longer communicate with him. Psychopaths always have double standards. The fact that a psychopath allows himself in relation to you, he categorically will not allow you in relation to him. He loves himself. He is the best, deserving respect and worship. And you are bad, not good enough for a happy, fulfilling life and love.

A curious situation that colorfully illustrates the "double standards" of a psychopath, I observed in Poland. One Polish woman for three days made a scandal to her young man because he had the imprudence to greet his old friend in the store. It would seem that there is something wrong with that. You can understand a loving, jealous person. We are all humans. However, after only a week, she asked us for permission to meet in our apartment with her longtime boyfriend. According to her plan, we had not only to help her realize a meeting on our territory, but also to hide everything from her chosen one, who often comes to visit us, trusts us, eats with us at the same table, we look into his eyes, we are friends … This is an example of double standards. What a psychopath can do is not a victim. The psychopath trains "his victim" to be comfortable. But he does not respect the partner's right to truth, loyalty, happiness, freedom, justice. Does a loving person behave like that? Then I justified everything with the stupidity of the character. "Village intrigues" - I thought. And I forgot about it. Of course she refused to participate in the deception. Not surprisingly, after that, the psychopath implemented the "isolation" mechanism. She quarreled with everyone and cut her boyfriend from those who do not support lies against him. When a psychopath lies, he does it brazenly, confidently, he is never tormented by conscience, he does not blush, does not regret, does not doubt. He confidently lies in your eyes, even if he realizes that you know the truth. This strategy works well for suggestible, weak, insecure and deceiving victims. In fact, the victim is told their will, their version of events - this is called gaslighting.

Believe in yourself. Even if you could understand or misinterpret something, it is not drastically. Focus on facts. Others may be wrong too. But worst of all, you can be deliberately misled. Remember this.

Sound familiar? Run! It is easier to kill and eat a psychopath than to build a healthy relationship with him.