History Of One Analysis

2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43

The story of one analysis.

The topic of sibling competition began to interest me relatively recently. I was interested in what kind of drives people drive in this kind of relationship, sealed by ties of kinship and at the same time with a rather powerful message to an "additional" community in addition to society as such.

Society in society and two (or more) individuals shackled by one vector aimed at parents. What they want, slowly and methodically, killing and raping each other, which is the prize in this competition. And although, the answer suggests itself, for my anxiety associated with this question it was completely unobvious.

Why am I thinking about this and why is it interesting to me if I have no brothers and sisters and with competition everything is extremely simple, I gave up and admitted my defeat (or … is this such a tactic?). Scanning this soil, I came across a case in which the topic of sibling competition was presented, among other things, and at that moment I caught in myself a barely noticeable touch of understanding that my father is also a kind of sibling for his brother. The topic of paternity helped to look at this topic from a different angle and look at this relationship as if from the perspective of a participant, and not from an outside observer.

And so, immersed in the case of competition, I then, moving away from the topic of analysis, looked into my pedigree. And indeed, all this time I walked alongside my theme, more precisely, with the theme of my father. I was really attracted there, and I clearly felt my presence there, but I still could not understand what my role was in this interaction and what I was doing, analyzing my father's relationship.

This could be my projection, of course, and perhaps it is, am I able to split the father image within myself and place an element of competition for myself between the split parts?

Perhaps this way I could receive at least some kind of care from my Super Ego Father, who, being a part of my Super Ego, does not show proper attention to me, i.e. to my Ego. Whether the Ego is capable of splitting the Super Ego remains an open question for me, most likely not, perhaps it is just a splitting of the Ego mirrored into the Super Ego, that is, my own split in relation to my father.

But one detail seemed to me to be the guiding thread of Ariadne, which led me out of the maze (yes, perhaps this is a fantasy about the exit from the maze). I thought that, in principle, considering the topic of the father, the topic of sibling competition, I am simply looking, and naturally I find, an excuse for my father, in the fact that he did not care about me. Giving him victim status can very well explain to me the lack of warmth and love from him. My libido here splits and one stream goes to tenderness and recognition of my father "crucified", and the other crucifies him.

Aggression and love, merging into one channel, form my Ego and pouring out into my intrapersonal conflict (Oedipus complex) spills out in a split, that is, castrated, stream of tenderness and anger.

I wanted to make the image of my father "good", I wanted to take care of him, feel sorry for him and help him, but for this I had to crucify him inside myself, and it turns out that this is not sibling competition at all, this is my competition for my self-care, now, from the position of the father.