2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
These insights are based on a discussion of a recent supervisory meeting to review a current work case I brought up. There are no examples in the publication, only the understanding of the algorithm is given.
Dear friends, imagine a rather typical scheme: a tyrant and a victim in a family: a mother is a controller and an abuser, a daughter is a powerless, unhappy "serf".
Like in the fairy tale below, let's remember …
Have you presented? Now imagine how such an algorithm launches the child's further journey? Border conditions form the "hells" ark: everything that falls into the "unhealthy" space of the child will be perceived (interpreted by him) as "punishment", "suffering", "torment". Even if objectively this is not the case: the mechanism of projective identification will project the familiar and familiar.
Projective identification- a mental process related to the mechanisms of psychological defense. It consists in the unconscious attempt of one person to influence another in such a way that this other behaves in accordance with the unconscious fantasy of this person about the inner space of another. Many researchers do not stand out as a separate process, but are considered as a mixture of projection and introjection. First described by Melanie Klein.
That is … Even with the conditional separation from the mother-stepmother, such figures will always pursue the daughter - both in the real embodiment of the algorithm and in the unconscious projections of the victim.
However, this was inadvertently voiced in the above-mentioned sazka …
Moreover, such a person will "incinerate" himself not only by being involved in abusive relationships, he will "deal" with himself through self-punishment - psychosomatics, self-fulfilling "prophecies", voluntary infringement and others …
The question "why?" - on the surface - this is the matrix program of the parental, primary family: "be submissive, bow your little head and endure!" The tracks are laid, the path is determined, the script is played …
The question "is it possible to fix something here?" - much more interesting and more difficult …
The answer (established by us at a recent supervisory meeting) may seem strange to the reader … Since the change in the algorithm is not in disconnecting from the matrix figure of the tyrant and not in truncating a specific difficult experience, but in integrating the given given in childhood into the common space of the soul - in conscious acceptance not only the "bright" side of life, but also the "shadow", very difficult. Otherwise, the supported primary split will be projected onto the world in the usual conflictual way and the torment will never end.
Sounds complicated! Integration is even more difficult! And yet, inner maturity requires a conscious integrity. I have a video on this topic …
Forgiveness and acceptance of the inner parent
We continue the dialogue about the shadow figures of fate (internalized inwardly) … I will turn to the metaphor … Look here …
Do we accept the presence of real night and darkness? Moreover - with understandable gratitude to the universe: at this time of day you can seriously recover - darkness was not allowed by chance! And the vital Shadow too … This part of reality not only tests and grows, it enriches space, expands awareness, heals general interactions with the world.
I will give you another video of mine with a very curious illustration … Look …
Adult relationships as a scenario conditioning of child-parental influence
So … The Inner Tyrant (included in the shadow part of the personality) requires conscious reconciliation - you cannot run away from yourself, even to the ends of the earth: your own will remain yours in all cases, without fail. It is more correct to accept this by making friends with your shadow. Remember the famous raccoon cartoon who found an approach to his fears? More or less like this…
Cartoon. "Little Raccoon". 1974 year
I will leave my readers with at least one strategy on the topic outlined here: how exactly do you come to terms with your inner parent to improve your ways?This can be done including (at least) like this …
The practice of separating dependent relationships
With the writing from the position of the inner parent of a new start in life.
The strategy is described in a specific note …
Psychological letter "Testament to children" or "Happy voucher to further".
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