About "the Right To Make Mistakes"

2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43

Tears will not help the cause; he who does nothing is not mistaken; who does not take risks, he does not drink champagne; and crown: but on the other hand …

All this everyday folklore gracefully slams the door to human feelings in living this very situation of error. Apparently, the popularity of these ideas is due to the fear of degradation: after all, it was labor that made a man out of a monkey.

When someone immediately begins to suggest how to solve a problem that makes it very sad, in vain (yes, it is this, from the theory of attachment, “in vain,” and not such an “adult”, conscious “powerlessness”), then a situation is created, in which the living of these feelings is impossible, which means that this part of me is impossible, and it has no right to be. And maybe even I do not have the right to be like that, because often this feeling, it seems to be all-consuming. And it has the right to be the one who will start right away with a running start to "work on mistakes": everything is so simple, you are smart, fix it - and that's it.

And here it turns out that living in futility means being stupid, inept, and so on. And in general, a useless exercise. And here there are a lot of conditions for the appearance of interfering narcissism (in normal doses a person needs it), for a feeling of shame, and a frequent fear of not meeting the expectations of others.

At the very dawn of my professional activity at school, I had one case … I worked with a difficult, very, 7-year-old girl. And one day she brought a friend from class with her to a session. Probably a very few girlfriend … They were kneading the clay, and my client threw a piece into the cup, it began to dissolve there, and she did not have time to get it. To which her friend said: "Well, first I had to think, and then do." And my little client cried incredibly bitterly. She was told that there was nothing to be upset about, because at first she had to think (that is, "according to Kant" straight). In addition, she heard this from a classmate whom she considered close enough to invite here to me.

It is in this place that it is very important not to devalue the experience, saying that everything is bullshit or it is his own fault, etc., and soon it will definitely work out, but just be around, not judging or evaluating.

And then a child or an adult will understand that it is quite possible to Be like that. And that's okay. In the end, to be completely honest, there is no guarantee that everything will really work out. And then you will have to somehow live with this, and not run away from feelings in different ways, such as perfectionism, workaholism, alcohol, procrastination … Thus, allowing yourself to experience feelings in a situation of failure, there is more integrity, awareness and stability. Although at first it seems that everything is quite the opposite …