18 Mistakes Parents Of Drug Addicts And Alcoholics Make

2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43

After reading this article, you will find out what are the most common mistakes among parents. With this information, your behavior will become more effective than facilitating a faster patient appeal for help.

This article will be useful not only for parents, but also for other relatives of drug addicts and alcoholics - wives, husbands, brothers, sisters, children and friends.

Having worked for a long time with people addicted to alcohol and drugs, I came to the conclusion that the recovery of each of them would begin much earlier if their environment did not make such common mistakes:

ERROR # 1. Giving money for drugs.

Many parents believe that in this way they avoid many problems: he will not be imprisoned, and no one will beat him, since he does not steal somewhere.

But they forget about the main thing, that in this way they accelerate his death, supporting his use.

ERROR # 2. Pay his debts.

Your offspring is already an adult, and if he took on such responsibility, then he is able to bear it. By paying off debts, you are encouraging him to continue to do so. And it turns out that he borrows - you give back, he also borrows - you give back again.

Let your child be responsible for his own life.

ERROR # 3. Create comfortable conditions.

When they call from work or school about absenteeism, relatives begin to lie in order to hide the use (got sick, grandmother died, etc.) and cover up in every possible way. They pay not to be kicked out of school.

Stop creating rear for him. Only when faced with reality, he will begin to solve his problem.

ERROR # 4. Leave valuables unattended.

Don't be surprised if they disappear. If you do not want to part with them, put them where the addict will not find them. It is important to remember that this is a disease. Therefore, requests and appeals to his conscience will not bring any result.

ERROR # 5. Give in to manipulation.

The addict creates millions of ways to get money out of you. Promises that for the last time. Begging. It extorts. Presses on pity. Appeals to compassion.

Turn off pity. Include common sense. Be persistent. This way you save his life.

ERROR # 6. Allow to disturb your order and comfort.

Many parents start walking on their hind legs in their own home. Allow a son or daughter to twist and push around. They try not to upset their child with anything. They indulge him in everything. They suppress their emotions, resentment and disagreement with many things. Keeping the peace at all costs. Or rather, at the cost of your health. They go to any infringement of themselves.

It is important for a child to know who is the boss. Do not forget that this house is yours and that you are the one who sets the rules. Stop indulging your child. Express your grievances and disagreements openly. Do not do anything to the addict that contradicts your desires.

ERROR # 7. Attempts to influence gifts.

They cry, take offense, swear. Demand the child to tie up. And the next day, without waiting for the slightest change, they buy a car, an expensive watch or a phone of the latest release. They buy him clothes and gifts when he continues to use. "If you spend a month in rehabilitation, we will buy you a car (apartment, business, telephone, etc.)." That's enough endurance and motivation to receive the promised gift. Although often not enough, the urge to use wins, and these guys leave after a short period.

It is important to know that in order for the son (daughter) to begin to recover, they must have their own desire. Gifts destroy motivation.

ERROR # 8. Not keeping your promises.

They promise not to give any more money and not to pay his debts. They declare that they will no longer pull him out of the police. Threatening to be kicked out of the house. But this remains just empty words. If you promise and do not keep your terms, then for your offspring this is a 100% example of doing the same - saying and not doing.

Be true to your words. It always works.

ERROR # 9. Sharing alcohol.

Many parents believe that since the son is a drug addict, he cannot use drugs, but alcohol (cognac, wine, beer, vodka, whiskey, etc.) is allowed. And if he is an alcoholic, then he is obliged to drink for the holiday. Drinking is encouraged on holidays and weekends. And they also think: "It is better to let him drink at home than somewhere in the alley."

ERROR # 10. Denial that there is a problem.

It is difficult for parents to accept the fact that their creation is a drug addict / alcoholic. They are ready, paired with him, to blame the unjust world, the son-in-law or daughter-in-law, the vile boss. Or consider that he just drinks a lot or uses drugs, but when he wants, he will immediately quit. "He just relaxes like that." "He's not like that because he still has a job." "He is not 'lost' because he does not use in the morning."

The sooner you accept an obvious fact, the faster change is possible.

ERROR # 11. Downplaying the problem.

And the justification for the use. "Everyone uses it, the time is now." "All young people are like that." "All the men drink." "The neighbor uses more than mine." "People can get worse." "My daughter-in-law is simply unlucky." "His boss is a goat." And so on ad infinitum.

Be honest with yourself about how things really are.

ERROR # 12. Suppress your feelings related to his behavior, life, treatment of you. Suppress fear, resentment, anger, hide tears and cry alone. Hide the shame and pain. Start to eat a lot, work, abuse drugs.

Express your feelings freely. Be open about your pain.

ERROR # 13. Self-blame.

"It is my fault that he is a drug addict" - you can hear from many parents. If you research this question more deeply, you will see that it is not. Your self-accusations are just a field for his manipulation.

Remember - you did everything right.

ERROR # 14. Attempts to control.

Pocket checks. Eavesdropping on conversations. Reading personal notes. Exploring contacts on the phone and reading SMS. Think, why do you need it? Have you already known for a long time that your son is a drug addict? What will another proof of this change? Right. Absolutely nothing. This is an illusion of control. This will not affect the situation in any way. Just make him angry against yourself even more and give him a reason to use it.

Accept that you have no control over his life.

ERROR # 15. Forget about your own needs.

To be completely absorbed by the addict. Stop rejoicing. Throw your life like a dirty rag at his feet. Devote yourself completely to solving other people's problems, which only increase.

Remember that this story is HIS. You have no right to forget about yourself. Otherwise, all your efforts will lose their meaning.

ERROR # 16. Thinking that everything will go by itself.

When your child was small, put his fingers into the socket. You didn't stand hoping that it would pass, outgrow, and stop doing it. You, as a responsible loving parent, did not sit idly by while he was shocked. When he was ill with a temperature of 40, you did not expect a miracle to happen. Believe me, not much has changed since then. And you still play a very important role in the process of recovery.

Addiction is a disease and must be treated. Delay can cost your life.

ERROR # 17. Consider the situation as hopeless.

Never give up, there is always a solution. If the addict is willing to cope with his illness, support him in this. If not, do it yourself.

Contact our center "Equilibrium". Call to get expert advice.

ERROR # 18. Close our eyes to the above mistakes.

I am sure that you are a wise, loving parent who wishes only the best for your family. And you can eliminate these mistakes. I wish you success on this path!

I know you will succeed!