2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
We've all heard about internal criticism, but some of us have an internal attorney or gallows judge. Where a sympathetic glance should have discerned our work in development, a person tortures himself with such self-denominations full of hatred as "impostor", "deceiver", "loser".
How would you react if your child was behind in class or did not let go of a box of chocolates. Most of us would find a tutor, substitute fruit for chocolates. But when we, as adults, something does not work out at work or we gain extra weight, we immediately begin to scourge ourselves, which completely gives motivation for change.
When we are anxious, we turn to someone we love. Why? Because warmth and kindness give a sense of security, self-worth and faith that we can handle it. Why can't we become such a loving friend to ourselves, returning this sympathy inside ourselves?
And why do we take the accompanying criticism of our behavior and our work closer to our hearts than the more frequent compliments of our friends? People can be harsh, prejudiced, unkind, narcissistic, self-serving and just plain mean, so it should be remembered that someone's negative assessment is rarely objective, and it makes no sense to consider this criticism to be true, and even more so to involve it in your own self-esteem.
Stories that have a bit of truth in them tend to be the most troubling because we value "truth" too highly, even though it can be selective or partial. Maybe at one time your classmates strongly reproached you while playing football for being a bad athlete. Let's say the athlete among you was actually not very good, because you preferred not kicking the ball in football, but drawing, reading, writing codes. Or maybe you thought it more important for the game and the championship in the long jump in fifth grade - to sit with a sick sister or brother. What truth will you hold on to? This is your story and your choice. Vaughn should belong to you, not rule you, and this should be respected with compassion.
Your parents may call you impulsive, but in fact you are spontaneous. Your significant other may say that you like to command, but you have a choice - agree with this, or just consider yourself organized. Your spouse may reproach you for being fat, but you are already over fifty years old. It doesn't hurt to be slightly obese. In each case, the question is how useful the assessment is to you. If you have high cholesterol and can't walk up the stairs without puffing, then it might be time to get fit. If you have a stress headache and lay out your laundry before midnight, will it feel better if you become “organized”? The final word on the values in your life should be yours.
Developing meaningful self-compassion does not mean deluding yourself. You should deeply understand who you are in happy and sad times, and keep in touch with the environment. But in dealing with the real world, you have a huge variety of reactions to it.
To be continued…
The article appeared thanks to the book "Emotional Agility" by Susan David
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