Inner Critic. Subtype "Ashamed, Comrades!"

2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43

This beast is a little harder than the previous one. He makes you blush and lower your eyes, mumble and apologize. "It's a shame, comrades" is a genius in observing facial expressions, reactions of other people. True, he interprets these reactions in a very different way:

- Vasya thinks I'm an idiot.

- Why?

- He averted his eyes when I gave the presentation.

It does not occur to this selective embarrassment that Vasya spent the entire meeting cutting into balls on his smartphone, and therefore it was very inconvenient to maintain eye contact. It seems to the critic that everyone around him thinks about him, and certainly with condemnation, condescension, assessment.

Origins - you can start with the same dinosaurs. If one of the members of the tribe forgot to close the gate, and after that everyone was spoiled by the pterodactyl, then the guilty one, at best, was expelled from the tribe, and beyond the gate - certain death. The feeling of shame reminds us that what is inconvenient and bad for society can end in excommunication, and, accordingly, death, in our time - social. And the stronger and more interdependent the people in the community are, the more shame binds. The communist foundations were based largely on shame, and especially on collective shame. It's a shame, comrades, to be an individualist, it's a shame to want to get rich. We will not build communism in this way - get out of the Party! And as a result, there is a lack of access to goods. But this is already a criticism of Stryomny.

So, what do we know about "Ashamed, comrades?"

- Like no one else, he supports the norms and rules of this society, which can be very useful to others, and sometimes to you, when you need to be a “good example”.

- Selectively interprets events - believes that everyone is watching him, seeing and can excommunicate, punish, do not understand, condemn. As a result, he is afraid of failures and condemnation, which is why at the beginning of something new, the first thought is - what will Benjamin say? (usually Benjamin is significant other).

- For its existence, moral norms are needed, reliably built into the psyche, that is, internal attitudes, such as - "I must be modest, otherwise fu."

What to do:

- Check Reality in any incomprehensible situation. This goes for all critics. When a critical thought arises in your address, for example, "I overcame stupidity," write:

• what is stupidity (clarify a non-specific concept)
• why is it important to say cleverness (to clarify the inner rule)
• what the percentage of usually cleverness and stupidity is said by the average representative of your community (check if the rule is true)
• what is dangerous in freezing stupidity (clarify the consequences of breaking the rule)
• facts (only facts) about the occurrence of this danger in your experience and the experience of your friends, for example, did you stop communicating and making friends with Vasya after his stupid joke at a corporate party. If so, for how long? Were there times when a silly joke saved the evening? Who has it and how many times? (rule reality check)

Facts cool Criticism "It's a shame, comrades", especially a lot of facts. Maybe not forever, but you will have time to take the first step.

- Ask the Critic "It's a shame, Comrades", by what rules do we live? Check these rules for realism and practicality (see previous paragraph).

- Throw a party of mistakes, crap and so … bov viewing the practical guide from the queen of this case "Bridget Jones". It is very supportive to share your mistakes and hear about strangers, making sure with your own eyes that a person remains alive and fully accepted by society, and sometimes even (oh God!) Becomes happier.

- If the Critic gains the upper hand and it seems to you that everyone is against you, check the reality at least from your closest ones (eg, “Masha, you haven’t talked to me for a week, has something happened?”), Ask for their support if you are afraid of a public errors.

- Talk to those who have gone through what you are going through. For example, when I started to claim myself as a practicing psychotherapist, I felt soooo ashamed that I started asking successful senior colleagues how they got through the beginning. One of the masters described that period as "fucking shame", which greatly eased my suffering. Everyone was there. (sorry, if someone recognized himself).

Critic "Comrades, it's a shame!" difficult fruit - sour and tart. It is quieter and louder. And while it is quiet, you can do something, it will be easier further. Sometimes an even more predatory brother hides behind him, but finally about him in our section). If it is still too difficult to get through the shame, try to do it hand in hand with a therapist - it usually helps a lot.

Inspiration and shamelessness in creativity!