Why Are They Ashamed, Or What Is Going On Inside The One Who Is Ashamed? Article Reflection

2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43

Shame is a long-running topic. But there are always two sides to shame. First, everyone is talking about her - this is the one who is ashamed. The second is, in fact, the offender - the one who does this terrible thing, the one who shames.

Which of them is the most unfortunate? Many will immediately say: “What is the question? Of course, the one who is ashamed! How is it? After all, he suffers."

But I will say that this is a rather controversial issue.

Of course, the one who is ashamed is undeniably the affected person. He feels bad, because shame, in itself, is a rather difficult feeling to endure, but.. not the fact that the one who shames is much easier.

I want to speculate on this topic in this article.

So, why is it not easy for those who are ashamed, too, and in general: why are they ashamed?

I found several options:

1. Protection from your own shame

This is often noticeable among people close to each other. For example: mother and child. The mother is sitting in the company of someone, and then the dirty daughter comes running. Mother: “Aren't you ashamed? Look at yourself! Wipe your mouth immediately! And in general, I told you not to leave the yard. Go wash, so I don't see you. " There is a certain image in the mother's head of how her daughter should behave, and when the daughter came, clearly not the same as in this ideal image, the mother was ashamed. Her subconscious decided to expose protection from this shame, "ordering" her to shame her daughter, which she safely did.

2. The anger that arises when the plan is not fulfilled

There is such an attitude in society, especially in the pedagogical society - this is the attitude that one must shame "so that it gets better." It is from there that school rulers, planning meetings, meetings, and the like. There is a plan: a curriculum, a plan of how to behave, a plan of expectations. And not following this plan can be incredibly angry. It's like two in one, and "so that it gets better," and embarrassment is a measure of punishment. Unfortunately, such confusion is passing into an ordinary "non-ruled" life. And often a child can get away from his father in a fit of anger, for the fact that: “200 times I told you how to do, and you’re just a dumbass”. So, unfortunately, children become dullards.

3. Acting out your own shame

This is an eternal theme for parents and children. It is very sad and sad to observe the acting out of parents on their own children of their own shame. Usually narcissistic parents act out like this: "I told you that you need to be perfect, but you are not listening!" (from this it follows "I am also not perfect, for which I am undoubtedly ashamed, and I do not intend (I cannot stand) to suffer alone because of this, so I will ashamed you too").

4. A way to climb higher

Again, we are talking about narcissistic, shame-wounded individuals. I say that quite often you can observe a picture of how someone asserts himself at the expense of another. This is when self-esteem falls, the level of one's own shame grows, this shame becomes unbearable, and we urgently need to find someone against whose background the person will look higher. Usually this unfortunate person is found and humiliated, ashamed. And against the background of this "belittled" person, the first "hero" becomes taller, ostensibly consoling himself with the fact that it seems like now, he is not so bad. This is another way to avoid your own shame.

5. Those who have been ashamed are ashamed or have inherited shame

We all have parents, or those people whom we perceive as parents. These are the first people to teach us how to interact. They prepare us to enter the world. And that's how they teach us, that's how we go in there. Unfortunately, not all parents have many options for interaction. Some people do not have a complete store of knowledge and skills in this area. For example, their parents shamed them themselves, and, unfortunately, from infancy. Perhaps they did not have the time, opportunity, skill to love a child just like that; Perhaps they cared so much about their child, instructing him on the right path. Be that as it may, but you have to be able to be in close proximity. Not everyone can be in it through affection, recognition, love and hugs. Some just “don't have this file”. And they find an option - shame. For them, to shame their child is to show love and care, it is to approach and interact, in this way. Well, they don't know how otherwise, they didn't teach them. They do not know any other way of interaction, they do not know how to be in closeness in any other way. And that's pretty sad.

These are the reasons for the shame I discovered during my reflection. All of them, quite a place to be, like other features of the psychological side of our dearest society.

It's like in a joke about a bear walking through the forest, saw the Zhiguli burning, got into the Zhiguli and burned down. So here, too, he walks traumatized by shame and "miracle education" through the forest, sees a person "uncomfortable" walking, he could not bear the temptation of fate, he took it and was ashamed. This is how it happens. And the situation is quite capable of causing sadness.

But, nevertheless, those who read - good mood:).