2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
Psychologist, Clinical Psychologist - St. Petersburg
One of the most common mistakes in taming your inner critic is trying to feed him with achievement. To do so many things so that he finally agrees - now everything is fine. And he lagged behind with his endless criticism.
This approach may seem logical. Indeed, what could be more natural than trying to fix what is being criticized for? But the critic is a special being. He does not become weaker or more tolerant as our achievements grow.
Every time he says: "If you do this and that, then we'll talk." And we believe that we need to fix this and then everything will be fine. And we fix it. But now we are faced with another terrible defect that needs to be fixed. And so on ad infinitum.
This can apply to any area of life.
For example, you think: "Here I will lose weight and live!". Losing weight. But with the second part somehow does not add up. Now the critic says there are problems with the skin. The teeth are not white enough. And it's time to pay attention that the nose is crooked …
Happiness flickers somewhere in the future, but the poor again do not get anything today.
Here, of course, it's not about the fact that you don't need to set goals and achieve something. Here's how important it is to pay attention to the inner source of these goals. The emotional charge in the end depends on this. If I do something from the place to prove that I am not the most flawed creature, I will hardly get a dose of joy at the exit. But this will greatly increase the cost of the error and the stress in the process.
Doing something to prove something to someone is always dangerous. But doing something to prove your suitability to the critic is one hundred percent failure. After all, the critic looks at the world through his specific criticizing lens. His profession, his nature, is to criticize. Look for flaws and point out them.
When we present him with an achievement, there is no task to say: “Good!”. His job is to find what else can be fixed. For this he was born. He is our flaw detector. Sometimes overly sensitive. And in his eternal search for shortcomings, he can move away from reality for a very decent distance.
He will not rationally examine our achievement, whether to praise or not. He will criticize. Anyway. And he has his own tricks to criticize even something really cool.
For example, it can devalue corny. Or he will find someone to compare us with, not in our favor, of course. Another critic is a master in a special shift of emphasis. Let 99% be great. He will close his eyes to it. But the tiny part that is imperfect will be huge for him …
The critic turns in his favor any of our experiences: negative and positive. If something doesn't work out for us, he will say: "You will be wrong again, just like then." If we did something well before, he will say: “It was an accident. You won't be able to do this anymore and you will disappoint those who foolishly believed in you. " And in the second case, it can get even worse.
By the way, there can be a lot of "accidents", criticism is not particularly embarrassing. And if some time passes after the success, the critic may declare: “Well, yes, it worked before. The last you. The current one will not work! You have already forgotten how."
Yes, it’s illogical. But the critic is not about logic and is. That is why it makes no sense to feed him with achievements.
A creature born for criticism will not be praised. Its task is to look for defects. And we need to accept it and use it from this point of view. You should not ask someone to give something that he is not able to give. This also applies to people and subpersonalities.
And then what should we do with him? Learn to distinguish between your voice and the voice of the critic.
Exercise one - concretizing the image of the critic
It is important to learn to doubt his words. Do not rush to correct everything the critic is dissatisfied with. Check if it's really worth your attention. Maybe this really needs to be fixed. Or maybe it's just nonsense.
It is very important to learn to notice other parts of yourself, including supporting ones. And consciously choose who to listen to in each specific situation.
For me, for example, criticism is well balanced not even by a lawyer and not accepting a soft subpersonality. For me, it is balanced by a subpersonality, the motto of which is: "You shouldn't take anything too seriously."
The critic's task is to see the world through a lens that magnifies defects. But we do not need to look only through this lens. And you don't need to fix it. We need to be able to look through different ones.
Recommended:
Anxiety And Inner Critic
Author: Anastasia Rubtsova I read a psychological article, there they again offered to "turn off the inner critic" and promised for this eternal bliss. In such cases, I am worried about the inner critic, and a little about the fate of humanity.
Where Am I Doing My Talents? Or The Work Of An Inner Critic
As a child, I liked doing so many things, where did everything disappear? Your talents are when you enjoy the process, and it brings pleasure and benefits to those around you. This is not necessarily what you are already making money with.
The Inner Critic - What Is This And How To Deal With Him?
Annoying rot, potential eater, dwarf dwarf) or what would you call your Inner Critic? Yes, this comrade can pretty much ruin your life. How to be? Let's figure it out. Psychologists call it in a clever way) - the super-self, the controlling parent or autonomous negative thoughts, the Nagoski sisters in their book "
Inner Critic. Subtype "Ashamed, Comrades!"
This beast is a little harder than the previous one. He makes you blush and lower your eyes, mumble and apologize. "It's a shame, comrades" is a genius in observing facial expressions, reactions of other people. True, he interprets these reactions in a very different way:
Inner Critic. Subspecies "Angry"
The critic of Zlyuk, or, as I call him inner Zhirinovsky, is unhappy all the time. Usually it is more noticeable in relation to others - everyone just pisses off, annoys - this aunt in white boots or Vasya is talking nonsense again or Rosamund, what kind of name is Rosamund?
