2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
How does understanding other people interfere with communication and how does it harm you personally?
- Why did this man do this and not otherwise?
Admit it, do you often ask yourself this question? Do you often want to explain and understand the surrounding reality?
Stop it! There is as much sense from this as from trying to understand oneself.
Every time in the process of communication with other people, we have a lot of hypotheses and assumptions about what the motives of other people are, what their desires are. In the vast majority of cases, we do not even test these hypotheses. We always have an established picture of the person opposite. We know what he is, what he wants and why he says what he says.
Thus, we live in a world where the people around them rigidly froze in the picture that we drew for them. It happens that we drew a picture 10 years ago.
But why is it bad for you personally?
Once you have formed an opinion, built a concept about a person, you become unable to go beyond these limits and notice something else.
For example, you think you are working with an arrogant and narcissistic employee whose husband is a good ophthalmologist. If you have eye problems, you probably will not ask her for the doctor's contacts, but go to another clinic. Just because you think she is arrogant and will refuse you.
Or another example. You think you have a rejecting husband or a hysterical wife. You perceive any act of communication through this prism. And if you want to tell something to your husband or wife, you already know their reaction in advance. The husband will not listen, the wife will start yelling, and so on. Moreover, you do not expect anything else from them.
But the hypothesis strives for confirmation
The law even works in physics, whether you like it or not. You are so sure that you will get what you have already painted in your picture that even if you get something else, you are not able to notice it!
At the same moment, you do not notice something new in you either. Your reactions are directly tied to the concept of the person you are communicating with. Everything goes on a knurled one, like in the day of a groundhog. You notice the same thing, in another person you see the same thing, he sees the same thing in you, and you have such a conspiracy:
Let's treat each other as immutable beings
Let's not notice anything else, because everything is clear.
And even if you are trying to improve relationships, hypotheses, concepts and understanding of the actions of the other do not go away from this and interfere with these attempts. You are not able to establish what you have already understood for yourself.
Which exit? Awareness
What do I notice new in a person whom I have known for many years? And why does the haughty and narcissistic employee have a kind smile now?
Are you able to be surprised at the reactions of the person with whom you are communicating, be it a husband, a childhood friend, or just someone you know?
As you meet new reactions, your life begins to change again
The less you build concepts about other people, the faster you change yourself. And the faster they change. The more concepts you build, the more rigid the world in which you live. You do not see or receive anything new from this stability.
Do you want to be happy? Don't build concepts
Give the world a chance to impress you, said Gestalt therapy founder Frederick Solomon Perls.
If you can be surprised, you are ready to change. Be surprised, notice something new, it's not just fun, it changes your life!
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