2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
Broken computer or path to yourself
There are no paths like yours.
All other ways deceive and tempt you.
You must fulfill the path that is in you.
K. G. Jung
When another client comes to my therapy, I, looking at him, fantasize, what kind of musical instrument is he? I think, I can imagine how he "sounded initially", what is the "melody of his soul" that was given to him from birth? What kind of "musical instrument" is he? What was done to him that made him stop sounding? And what needs to be done to make it sound again?
At such moments, I always remember my friend of my youth, who, considering himself a great radio technician, bought a brand new tape recorder, looked at his passport, and, not including it, opened the seals, began to disassemble it, changed something in it, wielding a screwdriver and a soldering iron. To my suggestion at least to include and listen to how it sounded initially, he authoritatively and categorically argued that he didn’t have to listen to it, he already knew that it didn’t sound good enough and it certainly needed to be improved. Such is the story …
It seems to me quite appropriate this analogy with the upbringing of children by some (and this is me very modestly) parents who, like my friend of my youth, are sure that they know better what their child should be, and how it should "sound"? Their confidence is supported by the following axioms:
• Each parent wants good for his child (solely out of a feeling of love for him);
• Each parent is sure that he knows what is best and how his child needs it (the teacher lives in each of us a priori).
Guided by exclusively good intentions, such parents, without a moment's hesitation, confidently improve their child, without bothering themselves with the need to listen to its original sound. They actively “stuff” their “new computer” (another metaphor!) With various fancy super-programs that are poorly compatible with its original capabilities, simultaneously introducing various viruses into it.
Resistance in this case is extremely difficult - the attitude of love and kindness and parental authority is almost impossible to resist! And the forces are far from equal. Timid attempts to resist this kind of parental intervention on the part of the child are actively suppressed by feelings of guilt and shame - these inevitable tools for manipulating parenting.
As a result of this kind of violent interference, our "computer" more and more often freezes and cannot demonstrate many of its inherent capabilities - parental programs are not "native" and are poorly compatible with the original.
And now he finds himself in a psychologist's office …
And then the difficult work begins on the reconstruction of the programs originally installed by the manufacturer, cleaning it from numerous viruses and unnecessary programs that overload the memory and make it difficult to work.
Sometimes it takes a lot of time and effort. But believe me, it's worth it!
Love yourself!
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