2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
Good girls and boys live in each of us. These parts of us are afraid to make mistakes. And they are very happy when they hear that someone who has made many mistakes is achieving something. They are afraid to upset their parents or lovers. They do not contradict the leaders. These girls and boys really want to achieve praise, recognition, love. They do a lot to their own detriment in order to be good.
And what do they get?
No matter how hard we try, we will still be bad in some way. Unfortunately. But fortunately, we do not violate the duality within us. This means that there must be both good and bad in us. To be good to others is to be bad to yourself.
Have you faced such situations?
- They did something because they couldn't refuse.
- We tried to do something, but you were criticized or devalued.
- We wanted to say an opinion, but restrained ourselves.
- They suppressed their feelings and emotions so that there would be no quarrels or fear of being bad.
- Did something for the sake of others (mom, dad, sister, children, husband / wife).
All of this is largely in order not to be bad.
Our good parts have been nurtured from early childhood. We were compared with other children, in some ways they did not pay attention, they gave grades in the lessons (which are few in life), appealed to conscience and shame. This list can be enumerated for a long time, and each has its own.
Whatever the reasons, but they are in the past, and we are in the present. Today we don't always satisfy our good boys and girls. However, you can try to do something about it.
Before you prove yourself good, ask these questions:
1. Why am I doing this?
If in order to be good, then the action itself already indicates that you are a good person. When you are criticized for your help or told that you did something wrong, it is the critic's problem. The most important thing here is that you satisfied yourself and tried to help another. At the same time, you need to understand that you help as best you can.
2. Do I want to do this?
And here it is important to be honest with yourself. If you don't want to, then go for yourself. But if you choose to do it, you run the risk of hurting yourself. Perhaps you will wait for rewards for your efforts, but they will not. Or your efforts will not be assessed in the way you expect.
3. For whom is it important for me to be good now?
In this case, think about what will be easier for you to cope with. Especially if you are used to doing for others at the expense of yourself.
4. Who am I doing this for? Who is the person to whom I constantly prove something?
It often happens that we are trying because of one person (mom, dad, grandmother, etc.). In fact, we are looking for his approval, and not those for whom we are doing something to our detriment.
No matter how hard we try, what is good for some is bad for others. We choose to be good for a reason. In a situation where we made decisions to act this way and not otherwise, we saw no other way. Since our good boys and girls are in us, we can always let them be. At the same time, to do this consciously - to understand that by our actions we satisfy their need. Thus, we insulate ourselves from suffering in case of devaluation.
Take care of yourself.
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