2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
We continue to analyze the main causes of marital conflicts, conflicts in pair relationships. One is the spouses' unspoken expectations of each other as to how each of them will fulfill family roles. This also applies to the distribution of household duties and much more.
Guess what I want from you unspoken expectations
Two partners, if this is their first marriage, the first relationship in which they live together, usually behave as a parent of their gender did in their parental family. And accordingly, they have expectations for a partner that he will behave as the parent of the opposite sex in his family led. If in the parental family of a man, the mother was doing all the housework, and the father, when he came home from work, would collapse on the sofa and turn on the TV, then, most likely, he will behave in the same way. If the girl's mother constantly scolded and "nagged" her husband - her father, then she too, with a high degree of probability, will unconsciously, simply by virtue of the stereotype of behavior learned from her mother, look for something to find fault with in her husband's behavior, nag and torture him with nagging.
Of course, this is not always the case. Sometimes, a person who has observed such behavior in his family can make a promise to himself that he will behave differently, create a happy family, and not "that's all." Such a girl will carefully restrain herself from showing her husband her displeasure, will suppress her irritation. Until that moment … until the dam of pent-up irritation and discontent with her husband breaks through and engulfs both of them. Screams, scandals, quarrels, resentments … a fairly typical picture for young families (and not only young ones).
Unclear and unspoken expectations in relation to your partner, his behavior in the family often cause quarrels and divorces. For the second partner, the model of his family seems to be the only possible one, and it does not even occur to him that it could be different in his partner's family. That there the father and mother played out their family roles differently. And the fact that the partner does not behave the way it is in the picture of the world of the second partner causes discontent and irritation in him (her).
What to do about it? Talk! To discuss, calmly, without scandals - but in my family it was like this … Agree on the distribution of family roles, perhaps somehow divide the spheres of responsibility and duties in the family. Ideally, go to a consultation with a family or couples psychologist in order to help you deal with conflicts within a couple, to help you make your relationship more harmonious and happy.
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